Any advice on how to cope when friends tell you they are pregnant?

[kass]

It's already been said, but knowing that other people are going through the same thing helps me immensely.
The first few months of IVF I'd cry at the drop of a hat and found it really difficult to be around pregnant friends. Initially I was too emotional to bring it up with anyone and would avoid people or situations. Eventually I had to tell some people because I could see that my behaviour was coming across as a bit weird!
The few people that we have told have been really supportive, but DH doesn't want too many people to know about it so mostly we've kept quiet - which is why it's so good to be able to talk here!
I promise it gets easier Good luck!

[possum80]

Most of us can relate to this!

My hubby has been experiencing health problems for some time now and our only hope of conceiving at the moment is through ICSI. We are both desperately wanting to become parents and my hubby would be a great dad and it is just devestating to see the hurt in his eyes, especially when we hear yet another family member or friend is 'having a baby'.
Ofcourse we are always absolutely thrilled for them & if we are struggling to directly show them how happy we are for them, then we send them a card and present instead. Unfortunately this does not always work. I now realise that there is always going to be that selfish friend that only cares about her pregnancy news & doesn't want to be burdened by your problems.... as I found with my best friend of >20 years - we have been totally honest with them about us having to do IVF/ICSI, but she was still totally heartless when she told us about her pregnancy news & then went around telling people that we were not even excited about their baby news! So hurtful!
I hope you never experience this, as it was absolutely soul destroying & I so deperately need/want support as we have just commenced our first cycle of ICSI, but I am now totally reluctant to discuss with friends/family, as I am scared that they think I am 'burdening them with our problems'.

Some people say it is a good idea to remove yourself from people that are pregnant or who have babies during IVF/ICSI ... then other people have told me to surround myself with people who are pregnant and have babies/children... what is the best advice do you think??????

[abj]

Hi possum80

I really really hope all goes well with your first ICSI cycle. We have to have ICSI as well and we have our nurse/counsellor appt next month and then we can start our first cycle. I am part scared and part excited but don't want to get remotely hopeful. All these emotions are quite hard to deal with but after all these wonderful replies, I am feeling so much better.

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. I had no idea how hard it woud be and how awful you feel when you get told that you have little chance of concieving naturally. Thank goodness for this forum. I was starting to feel that I had fallen into an abyss and this forum is like a shelf that came out and saved me from falling too far.

As for your question. If someone brings a baby into work and I don't feel like I can cope with seeing it then I just shut my door. If I am feeling stronger, then I just go in and say hi and then leave again. I think you just have to go with how you feel on the day.

take care

[oneday86]

Possum80, your comment made me cry because thats how i feel too, the hardest thing for me is seeing my DH hurt so much! I feel so much for all the women and other ppl in the world that have to go through such an emotional rollercoater that i find it so hard that other ppl cant see it and don't have respect for how we are feeling, I wouldn't wish IVF upon anyone because its not fair that anyone should have to go through it but sometimes i wish selfish ppl (like my old best friend) could just feel the pain i feel everyday and how much it really does hurt to have all your dreams taken away from you. Im on my last frozen cycle from my first STIM cycle, im pretty sure it hasn't worked, i said to my DH last night 'at what point should we consider putting our names down for adoption?' I never thought in a million years this might be the road we would have to take but after 3 failed cycles and 1 miscariage i start to wonder if it will ever happen for us. I wish you both the very best for your first ICSI cycles, don't be afraid it has been the biggest challenge so far in my life and i truly believe im a better person for it. xxx

[Kaybee]

I know exactly how you feel - I started a very similar thread a couple of days ago in the LT TTC forum. I have taken the advice of some of the girls there and am going to talk about what I'm going through a bit more - just to try and stop feeling so alone. I haven't tried out this new strategy yet, but I'll let you know how I go after this weekend. Good luck with everything!!

[oneday86]

hey ladies just needed to repost this thread! I found out on tuesday ANOTHER girl at work is pg!!! this is the 3rd one now and not to mention about 5 parents who are too I was very brave and showed excitment for her but the rest of the day the tears were just stitting their waiting to burst out and with all my mite i had to stop them! When i got home i burst into tears, Dh said to me how many ppl have to get pg before you will be able to deal with it? and im not sure of the answer, everytime i just feel the same hurt i did with the first person telling me, i just feel like iv been left behind, i thought i would be delivering a baby (high expectations) by the end of the yr but instead everyone else is falling pg around me and im still here not pg! I work in child care so i see and talk to the other staff all the time i can never escape my baby dramas because everyone is pg talking about it and im faced with children all the time. Sorry to winge im just having a down few days but im sure i will be fine 2mo! I hope your all travelling well xxx

[MummaSue]

To be honest oneday, I still get that stab of envy when I hear of people falling pregnant naturally. I think that LTTTC and IVF have scarred me in that way.



Sue xxxx