Hi J Bear, welcom to BB.

I know just how you feel. In December I had a t/f of the only 2 embryos we got from our first stim cycle, and I just couldn't bear to let myself hope they would stick, (preparing myself for a bfn) - all the while, of course, hoping desperately that they would anyway... I became a bit of a recluse, and hardly went out so that I didn't have to see anyone (as no-one knew what we were going through.) Poor DP copped all of my fears and moods and emotional rollercoaster stuff during those weeks! The 18 days I had to wait for a BT felt like a year, but time went by regardless, and we were licky enough to get a bfp. Then the next bit of waiting starts - just 3 weeks to the scan! And then the next bit...

I think when you have fertility issues, you lose faith in your body's ability to do what it's meant to, you are far more aware of all the different ways that things can go wrong, and you rely far more heavily on the external reassurances of blood tests and scans, to reassure yourself that everything is still going ok. I certainly don't feel like we are out of the woods, yet, even though I am now over 9 weeks pg.

As far as having mixed feelings about your friend's pg announcement, there are many, many threads on this topic, and what you feel is not terrible at all, but completely normal for us women for whom pg does not come easily.

Search for some of these threads, realise that you are not alone in going through all of this, and be kind to yourself. Find the 'assisted conception tww' thread and share your feeling with other women going through the same stuff right now. Make sure you get plenty of rest, eat and hydrate well, and hopefully you will have a sticky embryo and a bfp!