I know just how you feel. In December I had a t/f of the only 2 embryos we got from our first stim cycle, and I just couldn't bear to let myself hope they would stick, (preparing myself for a bfn) - all the while, of course, hoping desperately that they would anyway... I became a bit of a recluse, and hardly went out so that I didn't have to see anyone (as no-one knew what we were going through.) Poor DP copped all of my fears and moods and emotional rollercoaster stuff during those weeks! The 18 days I had to wait for a BT felt like a year, but time went by regardless, and we were licky enough to get a bfp. Then the next bit of waiting starts - just 3 weeks to the scan! And then the next bit...
I think when you have fertility issues, you lose faith in your body's ability to do what it's meant to, you are far more aware of all the different ways that things can go wrong, and you rely far more heavily on the external reassurances of blood tests and scans, to reassure yourself that everything is still going ok. I certainly don't feel like we are out of the woods, yet, even though I am now over 9 weeks pg.
As far as having mixed feelings about your friend's pg announcement, there are many, many threads on this topic, and what you feel is not terrible at all, but completely normal for us women for whom pg does not come easily.
Search for some of these threads, realise that you are not alone in going through all of this, and be kind to yourself. Find the 'assisted conception tww' thread and share your feeling with other women going through the same stuff right now. Make sure you get plenty of rest, eat and hydrate well, and hopefully you will have a sticky embryo and a bfp!
sorry to hear you've had a rough trot with all this ttc business
I have ET on 4th Feb, so am about a week behind you - and already driving myself insane.... just been researching crinone side effects cause I'm trying to work out if its ME going crazy, or the medication!!! looks like it's not me after all!!!
there's also some LTTTC after miscarriage and loss threads you may like - I don't have the links handy, but should be easy to find
this is the best thing I have found since TTC and I am so glad to have a safe place to talk about it - as I feel so isolated IRL (in real life) and like you get sad when people announce they're preg, or complain about their babies, or have babies or.... just anything baby really!!!! I want to see friends and family, but at the same time, I don't want to, I can't bring myself to arrange 'hang outs' with friends, so I rely on others, and everyone is busy, so I feel even more isolated.
BB has really helped that feeling, I can talk about it, and other stuff, without feeling pressure to hide what is actually going on. I don't need to pretend anymore.... I can share the photo of my embryo and be excited about it, and share my sadness if it doesn't work. I can ask questions of others who have been here, done that.... and can actually give advice, not just listen... but they can do that too!!
I am so much richer for having found my place here in BB, I hope you do too.
xxx
Pholi - Thank you for the warm welcome and congrats to you and you other half on your bfp! Your story gives me hope I will be sure to check out those other threads suggested by you and Myturn (thanks so much lovelies). I think you really hit the nail on the head when you said "I think when you have fertility issues, you lose faith in your body's ability to do what it's meant to.." I try to be positive but not too much in case i jinx it but it's so hard to forget past disappointments. Ahhh mixed emotions...haa haa! Pholi your kind words really touched me thanks again and goodluck with your next phase
MyTurn - Thank you, It's been a bit of a battle but we're heading in right direction so that's a positive! Yes i'm very pleased I chose to participate in BB, i felt so much relief after getting my thoughts out. OH BTW Trf was 2nd Feb NOT 5th Jan (see I am going crazy)! LOL so we are only a few days apart we can be crazy together. Speaking of crazy...yeah the crinone is definitely the cause of the wild emotions but try to keep this in mind so it hopefully doesn't make you too mad. I had a lil laugh to myself amidst the tears I thought to myself wow these meds are really messing with me. I know how you feel I've been making excuses not to go to family dos too, but yesterday I went to a family dinner and it was actually not so bad once I got there, took my mind off things for little while. Keeping my fingers crossed, toes and everything crossed that everything goes well for you
Then the next bit of waiting starts - just 3 weeks to the scan! And then the next bit...
Reply With Quote
! 
I will be sure to check out those other threads suggested by you and Myturn (thanks so much lovelies). I think you really hit the nail on the head when you said "I think when you have fertility issues, you lose faith in your body's ability to do what it's meant to.." I try to be positive but not too much in case i jinx it but it's so hard to forget past disappointments. Ahhh mixed emotions...haa haa! Pholi your kind words really touched me thanks again and goodluck with your next phase 
we can be crazy together. Speaking of crazy...yeah the crinone is definitely the cause of the wild emotions but try to keep this in mind so it hopefully doesn't make you too mad. I had a lil laugh to myself amidst the tears I thought to myself wow these meds are really messing with me. I know how you feel I've been making excuses not to go to family dos too, but yesterday I went to a family dinner and it was actually not so bad once I got there, took my mind off things for little while. Keeping my fingers crossed, toes and everything crossed that everything goes well for you 
Bookmarks