Any advice on how to cope when friends tell you they are pregnant?

[abj]

Hi, I am new to this forum and this is my first post on bellybelly. We have just been told we have to go through ICSI. I was just wondering how you all cope when you see other people pregnant? I work with a lot of women and there is always someone pregnant or bringing in a baby to show off. During the early stages of TTC I used to love talking to pregnant women or women with babies but the longer it is taking us and now especially as we are very unlikely to get pregnant naturally, I’m finding it very hard.
My friend at work has just told me she is pregnant and I am so pleased for her but at the same time I’m very upset and I am finding that I am avoiding talking to her which I know is silly. She knows that I am TTC but I’ve not mentioned IVF/ICSI to her. Any advice on how to cope would be great.

[MummaSue]

It's really hard hey?

At one point, just before we started our IVF cycle, I had 11 friends who were pregnant. So there was no avoiding some of them. I coped by getting horribly drunk at a party one night when 3 of them were there rubbing their bellies. DH, my knight in shining armour took me home before I did or said something I'd be sorry for. So don't do that!! LOL, not really coping hey?

I just reminded myself of all the lovely things in my life and tried to just picture myself being pregnant and thinking positively. It worked sometimes and not others.

It is a hard journey and you have come to the right place.
Sorry I haven't been much help but just wanted to totally acknowledge where you are coming from.

Sue xx

[Amy_jellybean]

Hi Hun,

Welcome to bellybelly. My hubby and I are also doing IVF ICSI at the moment. My best friend and a few other friends are preganant at the moment. Although of course you are happy with them, I think it def does help to be honest with your friends and tell them what you are going through.

The day my best friend found out she was pregnant, she rang me in tears saying she wanted me to be the first person to know. I felt awful that she was upset telling me and of course I was thrilled for her as they had also been trying. Pregnant or not pregnant she is still my best friend and I tell her everything. If im having a crap day and feeling down about everything, I tell her, and she always makes me feel better.

I dont hide away and I dont feel any shame telling ppl that we are using assisted conception. People are curious and will always ask questions, but I like that try to understand what we are going through and that when we are lucky enough to get our baby, everyone will know just how wanted and loved they are.

Chin up honey and the girls in the LTTTC and assisted conception chat are fantastic.

Aim xxx

[oneday86]

abj, everything the girls said this i find is the hardest thing for me, i work with lots of women too and some are pregnant or just had babies! everyone at my work knows my situation and are really good but it is very hard to be happy for everyone when we are all going through so much. I don't really know how i cope with it, i do try and block alot of it out or just tell my self i will appreciate our baby so much more for what we are going through. I was best friends with a girl at work but no longer anymore, i found out she was pregnant to the guy she had only just started dating that month! she said i wasn't supportive of her, I prob sound like a complete B*tch but i said all the right stuff and it still wasnt good enough! how did she expect me to jump for joy with everything im going through especially when she never cared about my journey? One thing i can tell you is i have learnt who my true friends are since going through IVF, this same girl sat there and talked about miscariages in front of mr in the staff room for half an hour when i had just lost my baby 1/2 a week before hand, some people are horrible. So sorry for the long story but dont feel bad for feeling a little upset of others you have every right, just try and deal with it the best you can. Goodluck xx

[abj]

Thanks so much Mummasue. I think I am finally facing up to the fact that it is going to be hard journey. I’m really glad I posted my message now.
Aim - I do feel a lot calmer now, knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing. You are right, I think deep down I feel that going through IVF/ICSI is something I should keep quiet about but I shouldn’t feel any shame about it. I guess, I just don’t want to have people asking questions all the time.
One day 86 – thanks so much for your reply. I understand re your friend at work. We have a girl at work who has an unplanned pregnancy and doesn’t really care much for her coming baby, which is hard but I have bitten my lip and said nothing as everyone is entitled to their choices but its bldy hard!
I shall have to learn to use those icons and abbreviations now too!
Thanks heaps all of you. I spent most of today in tears and now I feel much stronger. I really appreciate your words.

[Amy_jellybean]

No worries love, good luck with it all and pop over and say hi in the other thread if you need other people to chat to xxx