Any advice on how to cope when friends tell you they are pregnant?

[Amy_jellybean]

Hi Hun,

Welcome to bellybelly. My hubby and I are also doing IVF ICSI at the moment. My best friend and a few other friends are preganant at the moment. Although of course you are happy with them, I think it def does help to be honest with your friends and tell them what you are going through.

The day my best friend found out she was pregnant, she rang me in tears saying she wanted me to be the first person to know. I felt awful that she was upset telling me and of course I was thrilled for her as they had also been trying. Pregnant or not pregnant she is still my best friend and I tell her everything. If im having a crap day and feeling down about everything, I tell her, and she always makes me feel better.

I dont hide away and I dont feel any shame telling ppl that we are using assisted conception. People are curious and will always ask questions, but I like that try to understand what we are going through and that when we are lucky enough to get our baby, everyone will know just how wanted and loved they are.

Chin up honey and the girls in the LTTTC and assisted conception chat are fantastic.

Aim xxx

[oneday86]

abj, everything the girls said this i find is the hardest thing for me, i work with lots of women too and some are pregnant or just had babies! everyone at my work knows my situation and are really good but it is very hard to be happy for everyone when we are all going through so much. I don't really know how i cope with it, i do try and block alot of it out or just tell my self i will appreciate our baby so much more for what we are going through. I was best friends with a girl at work but no longer anymore, i found out she was pregnant to the guy she had only just started dating that month! she said i wasn't supportive of her, I prob sound like a complete B*tch but i said all the right stuff and it still wasnt good enough! how did she expect me to jump for joy with everything im going through especially when she never cared about my journey? One thing i can tell you is i have learnt who my true friends are since going through IVF, this same girl sat there and talked about miscariages in front of mr in the staff room for half an hour when i had just lost my baby 1/2 a week before hand, some people are horrible. So sorry for the long story but dont feel bad for feeling a little upset of others you have every right, just try and deal with it the best you can. Goodluck xx

[abj]

Thanks so much Mummasue. I think I am finally facing up to the fact that it is going to be hard journey. I’m really glad I posted my message now.
Aim - I do feel a lot calmer now, knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing. You are right, I think deep down I feel that going through IVF/ICSI is something I should keep quiet about but I shouldn’t feel any shame about it. I guess, I just don’t want to have people asking questions all the time.
One day 86 – thanks so much for your reply. I understand re your friend at work. We have a girl at work who has an unplanned pregnancy and doesn’t really care much for her coming baby, which is hard but I have bitten my lip and said nothing as everyone is entitled to their choices but its bldy hard!
I shall have to learn to use those icons and abbreviations now too!
Thanks heaps all of you. I spent most of today in tears and now I feel much stronger. I really appreciate your words.

[Amy_jellybean]

No worries love, good luck with it all and pop over and say hi in the other thread if you need other people to chat to xxx

[oneday86]

Im glad we have helped if you need to cry then cry, i cry all the time lol it seems to make me feel better sometimes. Like i said in my other message everyone at my work knows but i decided to keep this cycle on the low because sometimes the questions all the time become a bit tyring but it has been helpful too having friends to vent too when im down. And dont ever feel alone because your certainly not alone and belly belly is such a great place to share your feelings or ask questions. All the best xx

[MummaSue]

Glad to hear you're feeling stronger about it all. This truly is a wonderful site to come and vent your troubles away. LOADS of ladies who know how you are feeling.

Sue xxx

[Bee27]

Hi
Well i completely understand, it took 2 and a half years for my DH and I to fall pregnant with IVF/ICSI and yet it seemed so easy for others as many friends fell pregnant at once. Our son is now 16 months and we are back seeing specialists again but trying to hold off doing FET until the beginning of next year as i have had a lot of post-pregnancy issues. Even now i find it hard when friends fall pregnant especially without trying or by accident but i try to think i have one beautiful child and if thats all i get then that will be enough. I used to even get upset with people who had one child and were desperatly trying for a second. All i can say to help you cope is that you need to acknowledge how you feel to those closest to you and try to remain positive that your turn will soon come.
All the best
Bee

[kass]

It's already been said, but knowing that other people are going through the same thing helps me immensely.
The first few months of IVF I'd cry at the drop of a hat and found it really difficult to be around pregnant friends. Initially I was too emotional to bring it up with anyone and would avoid people or situations. Eventually I had to tell some people because I could see that my behaviour was coming across as a bit weird!
The few people that we have told have been really supportive, but DH doesn't want too many people to know about it so mostly we've kept quiet - which is why it's so good to be able to talk here!
I promise it gets easier Good luck!