DSS has come to live with us permanently VENT

[AngelPants]

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a long heartfelt chat with your DH. I second counseling too and please tell centerlink. It's easy to change if back if he moves back with his mum. If she gets a bee in her bonnet, it's just how it is, he's living with you, you've got the extra expense so you need the money.
Other than that, I can only tell you my experience of having my half sisters and bro stay with us. All children are equal in the family, all have the same responsibilities and rules, it was the only way to keep the peace in our house. Just because your DSS is new to living with the family doesn't mean he is not got the same rules as or more rights than the other kids, albeit he may need time to adjust but beyond that i would endeavor to treat him the same.

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[Marley&Me]

sounds like a horrible situation to be in. You have every right to feel the way you do though. Child support can get really ugly too. DH has a DS14 who we don't see any more. Since DH & I got married she has cut all ties. The only contact we had was a try at Facebook, but she blocked us
I'm sure after a while things will settle down. And I have to agree with N2L, counselling is a great idea.

[Rivlas]

Just because he is staying with you don't give him any more privileges than anyone who would stay with you, whether that be long or short term. He is not paying board, he has two feet and two hands so he should be pulling his weight around the house like everyone.

I think you need to make a roster for both the boys and be very strict about it being kept. It sounds like your DS is a good kid but this way he will be on the same playing ground as your SS. If the chores are not done then there should be consequences and no swapping chores until the next roster is done.
At seventeen he is more than old enough to pull his weight and if he doesn't like the rules then he needs to decide where he wants to live.
Your DH is doing him or the rest of the family no favours by not making him accountable for his behaviour

I hope you all find a way to live together as a true family

[Gigi]

some great responses, it's very hard "blending" multiple families, especially when things are up in the air (will DSD stay with you for a long time, or leave again in a few months") The uncertainty, the dynamics changing, the money issues, so much to deal with. i third the counselling idea. Hope the vent helped, it's alot to keep "sitting on", when you're fuming inside.

[sushee]

If your DSS is over the age of 12 than his mother can't force him to go back to live with her, even if she has custody. Once he is over the age of 12, he has a right to decide where he lives. So your DH very much can make a claim to have child support reassessed without the fear that his ex will force his son back. It's simple. She can't.

Just thought I'd clear that little misunderstanding up for you so that you can at least alleviate that particularly stress.