A question about stepchildren.

[Nat82]

My ex bends over backwards for us and also pays over and above what the CSA declares is enough. It's not because he is walked over or I am demanding, it's because he takes care of his children and their mother.

WTF? That's great that he looks after his children, but since when does any man have to care for his ex wife. Isn't that the place of the new partner?? My husband is married to me and doesn't owe a thing to his ex wife, all he needs to do is make sure his children are looked after - which doesn't even happen..

DH agreed to pay the up front lump sum for his daughter's braces if her mother paid for the follow up visits. Well she didn't and the poor girl had to remove her own braces with a fork! Do you think he should have backed out of the agreement and paid all her bills, even though that was her part of the deal?

[buliej]

I usually don't weigh in in these types of threads as I believe that unless you have been there, you don't really know what you would do. However, as a child of divorced parents, I feel compelled to weigh in about the "deal" that the mother didn't uphold so that the daughter had to remove her braces with a fork. Should her father have paid despite the deal with her mother? Absolutely - unless it would have left him destitute. Why in the world should the daughter suffer just because her parents can't amicably agree and carry through on their agreements about money. In effect, the daughter is paying for the sins of the parents. This, to me, is outrageous and my heart goes out to the daughter. To me, it is completely irrelevant that the mother didn't abide by her agreement with her ex husband - again, why should the daughter suffer? to remove braces with a fork - that is cruel and painful and shame on the father for not paying if he could afford it - and by afford it, I mean unless it stopped his other family from eating.

[Inanna]

Mmmmm this is a touchy subject for me...

Why should an ex husband pay more if he can? Because raising children costs a damn side more than a formula contrived by a desk Johnny! Because life being difficult financially for the Mother makes it difficult for the kids. Because Mothering is a no pay job...

I can't believe that a child was left to remove dental work with a fork! I could no longer allow that happen to a child if I could avoid it than fly backward to the moon!

Single parenting is damn hard. Damn expensive.

[Nat82]

to remove braces with a fork - that is cruel and painful .

my thoughts exactly. In this case, and many others, the father was unaware of it at the time. It wasn't until I saw the girl and said "wow, your braces are off, that the story came out". Might I add, in this time the mother had enough money to buy a brand new car, go for an overseas holiday, while the children were with us for school holidays and continually entertain her friends with dinner parties. I was also a child of divorced parents and my mother always met my father halfway, which taught me to be an independent woman with a high sense of pride.

[Girl-23]

my thoughts exactly. In this case, and many others, the father was unaware of it at the time. It wasn't until I saw the girl and said "wow, your braces are off, that the story came out". Might I add, in this time the mother had enough money to buy a brand new car, go for an overseas holiday, while the children were with us for school holidays and continually entertain her friends with dinner parties

The ex wife probably thought she was getting back at her ex husband. By how? Letting her daughter suffer. What a stupid thing to do! Poor girl. What the mother did was down right disgusting.

[Lulu]

It's strange how the acceptance of child support suddenly makes your financial position open to speculation by strangers....

[Cupcake]

I have a question for single mummies receiving child support as im a step mum ...

We pay DPs ex exactly what CSA calculate (maybe a few dollars more as its always some random number we just round it up lol), when DSD is in school next year we will pay the CSA amount plus her school fees as i feel thats the right thing to do and its benefitting her education etc (i know its between DP & the ex but i just wanna do the right thing IYKWIM). Now DPs ex cry's poor to us all the time yet the second she gets her child support (or any money) she is out boozing it up or purchasing HUGE tvs (through rent-to-own) I would MUCH rather not pay cash into DPs ex's account and pay for everything else IYKWIM (eg school fees, uniforms, extra curicula activities, excursions etc) but i dont think thats possible ... we know that DSD is not being cared for as she should and us paying more money is not benefitting her in anyway ... should we do it anyway? Id really love some opinions...TIA

Sorry to hijack this thread! But i saw the discussion so thought id ask

[Inanna]

I am sure you don't mean to sound so strident but I gently suggest that looking through a keyhole doesn't give you the full story.

Child support is the right of the children. Kids are expensive little Beings. Providing a home, clothes, entertainment, sport and recreation & health care for kids is very costly. I have five & I know what I am talking about! I came back from the chemist yesterday almost $80 poorer in an effort to budge a nasty flu from my precious daughter and myself. Today I forked out $20 for school cooking for my teenager, $50 for an excursion. Sunday was a $20 fee for entry into netball competition, $100 in fuel running said fruit of my loins to and from their various engagements... That is just off the top of my head in the last few days...

Dinner parties can cost very little and do you want the Mother of your husbands children just sitting alone, sad and socially alone? A single mum on benefits would find it impossible to travel overseas and buy a spanking new car without asisstance. Who would begrudge her the assistance of friends or relatives! The car transports your husbands children! I agree with Lulu how does being in receipt of child support mean that a Woman's finances should become transparent?

Men are very very bizarre creatures (many of course not all) when a relationship irretrievably breaks down. They guard their wallets with the fierceness of a rabid dog - they often use money to punish the partner. Forgetting that this behaviour impacts on the children.

There are few mothers (of course there are some) who will allow their children to suffer.

[Cupcake]

Flower was that in response to my post? sorry ... i know i should not have hijacked

[Lulu]

Absolutely he should have paid for the removal of the braces (or to even keep them on) - for his daughters sake!

exH 1 and I also paid for all of sds athletics and took him each week because his ex couldn't be arsed and sds would have missed out otherwise. It didn't matter to us because when that little tacker ran like the wind and came back with ribbons and a puffed out chest it would have been cheap at twice the price

And me? Well of course my ex cares for me (both of them do ), I care for them too, and I also do a great job as mother to their children.

I understand the ex might be a total cow, and it might be a PITA to have to pay for stuff but the end of the day being righteous doesn't make the children better off.