Well now you have bubs 4 and 5. Things are different, not everything can stay the same. If you can't get everything sorted in a day without superpowers you might have to realign your expectations. Unless you can find the fricken dishwashing fairy - that biratch was supposed to be here week ago and she never showed up.
Your mum probably didn't do as well as you think. I used to think my mum worked miracles, but now I realise the house was barely clean, meals weren't always fantastic.. I think she rarely vacuumed. BUt tables were always clean and clothes were always ironed.. I guess she prioritised those over clean carpets and dust free window sills? Perhaps u can try to tturn a blind eye to grimy tables and messy rooms?
You aren't your mum though. What did she do? My mum is awesome at keeping a spectacular house and it takes all of my being to even CARE about it. It's not genetic.
I never thought I would be at home taking care of a kid with special needs but I am. I thought by now I would be back in my high flying big ass money job again.....but I'm not.
So what do I do? Change what I can and be at peace with the things I can't.
Big hugs hun. Perhaps you could sit down with hubby and let him know how overwhelmed you are. Work out some little jobs that he would be happy doing each day, he commits to them and then it doesn't matter how long it takes him to do those jobs as long as they get done that day. I would pick something like cleaning up DS's room before he goes to bed and the dishes, if it takes him 40 mins to wash the dishes that's ok, just put it out of your mind as one of your jobs. Also are the older kids doing any chores? When I was 12 I was doing a simple dinner for the family once a week and my brother and I took turns each night, one night I washed the dishes the next night I took out the rubbish and vice versa for my brother. Doesn't have to be a huge job for it to make a difference to your work load.
Also I agree with re-assessing your goals. Before DS started walking and running the house was absolutely spotless to the point of ridiculousness. I now have realised that doing the floors every second or third day is much more reasonable than expecting myself to do them every single day. In actual fact since I made that decision DF has started doing the floors occasionally. Not every day but maybe once a week or so. I also sat down with him the other day and said I can't go to uni, make a baby, look after Orlando and keep the house perfect and meals gourmet everyday. He's turned around and started cleaning up after himself more and making sure to help out when he's not at work. Also with the nappies. Tell hubby if he wants the money they are going to bring in he needs to take the kids for a bit each day so you can sit down and do them because if you keep trying to do it all at once you are going to end up with a sewing machine needle through your finger!
I can't imagine doing what you do and I think you're amazing, but I also think you forget alot that if you don't take care of yourself there will be no one to take care of your family.
Hun, you are doing an AMAZING job, anyone would be overwhelmed with the daily work that goes into a large family. I don't have a large family so not sure if my ideas will work and hope some of the mums with large families can also come in and post. Just one idea...have a family meeting, explain the situation as much as is relevant to your childrens ages, work out a chore sheet, with jobs for the 12, 9 and even 5 year old can do one thing a day. Can the kids have their own tidy-up areas - lounge, playroom, sons room to do each day, hubby can have a some chores....I think delegation is the key in large families, I am sure that is the only way they used to be able to do it in the 'old' days. Are there some jobs on your list that can be done every two or three days instead of every day. I always think whatever chore I get done, is a chore I get done rather than focusing on all the work that I don't get done each day. Your doing great Squidipa.
xxx
It is tough some times I really get that - I have 5 kids too & I am on my own.
As the others said you do need to let go of some stuff.
What helps me is this: I cook all the meals for the week on a Monday - so for 4 hours I cook (obviously with loads of interruptions!). So then I know that all the meals are healthy, taken care of and it's all organised. This saves money as I meal plan.
Each child is responsible for their own room and another room in the house. There is no TV no computer access until this is done. That's it not negotiable.
Meal times everyone puts their own plate in the dishwasher. One child wipes the table and placemats. One child packs the dishwasher (pans etc) and the other does the benches.
I vacuum the house after dinner so that it's all done for the next day.
DD6 job is to put the bath toys in the basket and take the dirty clothes to the laundry - she also feeds Pat (cat) & Gloria (house dog)
She has to make her bed in the morning and keep it tidy.
DD7 unpacks the dishwasher in the morning and makes her bed.
she sets the table at night
she cleans up the loungeroom before dinner
DS9 he unpacks the dishwasher in the afternoon
packs it at night
feeds Doug (outside dog)
takes out the garbage bins to the road once a week and washes out the inside bins
keeps his room tidy
helps to clean off the bench in the mornings.
All 3 put their lunch boxes in the dish washer when we get home from school and they all help me to pack the lunches. Its' a team job.
So, that's what I do but it's different for all families. My kids get pocket money if they do their jobs with kindness - for me this means not whinging, not complaining and helping each other when required. As I said - no jobs done or a messy room and it's no tv or computer for 24 hours...
They all put their folding away sometimes (often I do it whilst they are at school) & sometimes we all sit down and one folds the undies, one pairs the socks etc etc.
It works here - I hope you can find an answer for your family...
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