Maybe Im just not clear what the point of a 'thank you' is if the person doesnt mean it? What is a thank you actually for? What are manners for? It doesnt feel like it solves the actual issue of entitlement to focus on people saying it rather than feeling it. I think if we focus on people feeling it then people will be motivated to say it? And if we focus on our own actions, feelings and thoughts then we can find appreciation outside of the words; you know that song about taking the words I love you away? What would we do without the words thank you? If we couldnt just easily throw them out to make things 'right' without even stopping to think about the meaning, if we had to actually think about it all a little harder.

Im not saying ditch manners, quite the opposite. I want them to stick around but with the feeling behind them, not just as empty words. If there is no concern for the meaning behind the sentiments then we might as well get rid of them though, honestly. Because they are pointless right? Maybe a fake it till you make it way does work? Or maybe it just makes people lazy and thoughtless in their emotions, detached from them. And I think focusing on the way the world looks rather than the way the world feels is just setting yourself up to be disappointed. It is an illusion, do we want something to seem good or be good?

It is like not forcing children to say thank you or sorry or whatever. I never have, it is their feelings to acknowledge and express, not mine to force into existence through empty expressions. I want them to recognize the feeling, not the situation - does that make sense? And people need to get back to that point too. So caught up in the rules and prompts and signs and words, not about what we are actually feeling. And my children have 'manners'. My daughter thanks me for dinner, for holding DD2 so she can pack something away without it being unpacked, for driving her to parties. But more important is that she has feelings of gratitude; she feels it and wants me to know she feels it. Isnt that what it is actually about in the end?

I think Ive gone wildly off topic into my own kind of rant. I get that feeling appreciation is important but so is feeling compassion; people make mistakes, people are learning things they might not have had the opportunities to before through no fault of their own, we are all on different emotional/social schedules of discovery. What benefit is there to me to think somebody is not thankful when they dont express it in the way I think they should? What benefit is there to me to think somebody is thankful even when they dont verbalise it?

I dont know where the less than honest world comes from, I just mean we make assumptions people are thankful because they say it, why cant we extend it to if they dont? I just like to assume the best in people, maybe it motivates them to demonstrate it and I know if I messed up I would prefer somebody didnt waste time harboring negativity over it but let the experience of giving remain positive because that is their path of growth, mine is the mistake and learning from it.