Do you find this rude?

[Nadine216]

Had a thought ... you can always be the mommy that brings the veggie and dip platter
Maybe you won't be asked again

[Nadine216]

*takes foot out of mouth*

OOOOOOKKKKKAAAAAYYYYY, so they are throwing a 10th birthday party for three girls AND a mommie party for the mom's of the guests ????? ugh?? and you have to take a plate for the mommies. That is not on.

[visitor1]

How can afternoon tea be included if you have to bring the food???....thats not included if u ask me!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

OK, solution. Clearly most of the mothers of the girls are unimpressed. Talk to them. Agree to have a "polite party" at the park for those not attending the rude party. Even if you do bring a plate to that, it's the principle at stake now!

This really isn't on and something needs to be done. A mass boycott will do that without social suicide for the girls.

[Indadhanu]

WOW thats pretty rude!

But I do feel sad for the three daughters of those mummies, what with mass boycotts of their birthday party...

[Eugenia]

Well that takes the cake

Don't say that, in the 3rd invitation they might actually tell the guests they have to bring the cake too!

sorry but the whole thing is ridiculous. I can see one mother being totally clueless but three? They are just cheap and greedy in my opinion.

[Arimeh]

I would be inclined to still make something yummy and provide the "plate" - but in the spirit of the girls - not in the spirit of helping the parents.

I don't see why the girls should suffer having a crap party for their birthday just because their parents have no clue whatsoever.

But FWIW - I would supply everything for my kid's parties - or else they wouldn't be having one!

[Glamourcide]

o.O
Goodness me... so now you're not only expected to feed a couple of kids, you HAVE to bring a present? I mean, I know most people assume gifts are a bit of a given, and they were probably addressing people's concerns about buying 3 presents instead of one, but the wording, however well-intentioned, does come across as quite rude!!

And there's no such thing as 'included' if you have to BYO!! Someone needs lessons in tact, and wording, methinks.

I dunno, maybe I was raised differently to some, but I'm with a lot of ladies here - these women, even if they aren't intending to, are coming across as extremely rude and inconsiderate. DD is only a toddler atm and so her parties are family affairs rather than big dos, but I remember going to bucketloads of parties as a kid and not one of them ever required anything more than showing up and going nuts with the lollies!! My parents would throw a birthday party for me that involved close friends and the family, then she'd send me to school on my birthday/the following Monday with a big Tupperware container full of cupcakes to share around, kwim?? That way they kept costs down and made sure there was no obligation on kids who I wasn't really close to, to give me presents, kwim?

It doesn't cost very much to, say, buy a couple of bags of chips and lollies, a few bottles of soft drink and order a stack of pizzas - especially if the party is during the day, most franchise joints have lunchtime discounts so feeding a bunch of 10-year-olds is quite cheap... I'd definitely do that over demanding that parents bring food to share around!! It's not hard to provide a decent party for the kids on your own, if three women together can't figure out how to do it then they need to Google some tips on throwing a kids' birthday party (and google some etiquette sites while they're at it!)...

So yeah, I'd be insulted. Mega-insulted after this latest invitation, to be honest. But, again, the kids shouldn't have to suffer because of the rudeness of somebody's parent/s so I guess I'd just suck it up, send DD with one gift and a bag of snakes lollies and call it done. :/

[Starfish]

Okay, I must be living on another planet because I seriously don't get the argument here.

How/why do you assume that asking to bring a plate of something yummy to share is somehow being cheap?? Like many of you have pointed out, it doesn't cost that much to buy some chips and sausage rolls. On the contrary, I think its a lovely idea. (Okay, the wording on the invite sucks and doesn't make sense, but we are just arguing semantics here..) When I read "bring a plate to share", I understand it to mean: Your child, along with several others, is invited to my child's party. I will provide the venue, the entertainment and the supervision along with some afternoon tea, but in doing so I am not so presumptuous as to think that I can predict what your child and every other child likes to eat, what you as a parent allow your child to eat, what their allergies and intolerances are, etc, therefore I am giving you the option of bringing something for your child to eat that is guaranteed to be liked by them and approved of by you. In bringing this food for your child, it would be lovely if you could make enough so that some of the other children could have some too and in this way we can all try new food experiences, talk to people we may have otherwise not talked to, etc. If you choose not to bring food, that is fine, but I cannot guarantee that what I provide will be liked by your child as it is simply not possible for me to ensure that all the food I provide is suitable for all the guests. (Sorry, that is very long winded, but that is what I get from that invitation - yes I know the wording says "bring something", but I do not read that as an order, but an option.)

As for the presents - most people who go to a birthday party bring a present. This is not an expectation by the host, but by the guest (how many parties have you been to where you were told that you do not have to bring a gift but felt the need to buy one anyway?). I agree that it is bad to ask people to bring one gift for the child who invited them as in this way there will be an imbalance and one girl could get significantly more or less gifts that the others, but I believe the sentiment is good in that the guests are being told that they are not expected to bring 3 presents. Once again, this does not read that you HAVE to bring a gift, simply that if you were thinking of buying 3 and were having problems with what to get for the girl who your child doesn't know that well, you don't have to worry about this anymore.

I hope this makes sense. So to sum up, yes the invitation is badly written, but I really don't undertand how people are jumping to the conclusions they seem to be jumping to. How can bringing something "to share" be rude?

[Glamourcide]

When I read "bring a plate to share", I understand it to mean: ... but in doing so I am not so presumptuous as to think that I can predict what your child and every other child likes to eat, what you as a parent allow your child to eat, what their allergies and intolerances are, etc, therefore I am giving you the option of bringing something for your child to eat that is guaranteed to be liked by them and approved of by you...

I dunno, I negated that one for DD's birthday party by asking parents when they RSVP'd if there were any allergies/intolerances etc that needed to be taken into account in providing food for DD's little mates... I figured it wouldn't be hard for me to cater for things like that myself, and I would assume that if asked to 'bring a plate', a lot of parents would just go grab a bag of Samboy chips or something and you end up with a bucketload of food nobody likes/wants, so asking parents upon RSVPing if there's anything that needs to be considered is my way around it, anyway...
(I also figure, it's a party, leave the tofu and organic celery sticks alone for a couple of hours - if a parent doesn't approve of sending their kids to a birthday party where there will be red cordial and chocolate cake served, then they're being a bit pedantic, kwim? As I said, actual allergies and intolerances are a different matter, but I'd be a bit weirded out if someone brought a plate of, say, veggie burgers to a kids' birthday party - what's two/three hours of eating freckles and drinking lemonade, really?)

Edit: lol and if anybody 'forgot' to RSVP and then turned up whining, 'Oh but Sam is *allergic* to x food!' then as far as I'm concerned the parent has nobody to blame but themselves because it's really rude imo to not RSVP. *nods* lol.

I get where you're coming from with the whole post, but I do think the wording could have been better, to say the least, and that's what is rude imo - that out of three women, not one of them could come up with a tactful way of wording things...?

[Lulu]

Or making the food for their own childs party.....

[Salsa]

For goodness sake - yes, I find it surprising that out of three sets of parents the whole thing wasnt considered and worded better, but I dont think that the children should have to miss out cause of the stuff up. I think there is alot of biatching going on here about people we dont even know. Imagine how you would feel if you faux pared (sp?) in such a way that an massive thread was written about it and how you sucky you were and how your childs party should be boycotted

I think its come across rude too, but just get over it, its 10 yr olds birthday party.
Just take a pressie for the girl your invite was for or 3 smaller/cheaper ones so that each kid gets something. Its not your responsibilty to make sure that all the girls get the same amount of gifts
And as far as the food goes, take something if you want and if you dont then dont - simple. The party is not relying on your one plate of food - anyway often there is too much food at these things anyway, so if you dont take something I dont think it will be the end of the party....

[Starfish]

that's what is rude imo - that out of three women, not one of them could come up with a tactful way of wording things...?

Yes, that is rude, I agree.

But I don't think the concept of bringing something to share is...

I completely agree with you Salsa.

[briggsy's girl]

i have an issue with people saying it's OPTIONAL to bring a plate of food when it's been outright asked that it happen. i don't care if i come across as biatchy - the fact is, there is no need for someone else to HAVE to cater your childs party. there has been no mention of "having the opportunity" to provide a plate of food to cater to your child and to share with others. there is simply a blatant command "PLEASE BRING A PLATE OF YUMMY FOOD TO SHARE" - on top of the DEMAND for a present for at least one child.

it's inappropriate to make ANY comment in relation to gifts unless it's to say "your presence is present enough" - in other words, please don't bring any gift. to tell people to bring a gift for the child that invited you is rude and very demanding. to say arvo tea is supplied (but only if you bring it) is doubly rude.

i dont' think boycotting a kids party will do anything except alienate either the children who are having their party (not fair - they didn't organise it - they don't need to know social ettiquette!), making your own child a social outcast (again, not fair, not their fault) - but i hope someone manages to get it through the heads of these mothers that it isn't right to ask other people to cater for your party! if someone offers, take them up on the offer - but don't ask - its just rude!

and if they don't like the fact that a thread has been started about them, that's their issue. no names have been used, no identifying details released - it's simply a question of whether we (as a collective group of parents/parents to be) find this kind of situation to be rude. and the GENERAL consensus is that yes, we do. Tinkerbell was asking if she was over reacting in her feelings - obviously, if so many of us agree, then no, she wasn't

[tattoo_mama]

agreed BG
not that its quite the same, but for my baby shower i did put 'pls bring a plate of food or drink to share', but it was only close family and friends and they know we are struggling so were more than happy to bring food and i ended up with leftovers to feed DP for a week. but i didnt ask for any presents, i know people who put up a registry or 'wish list' on the back of thier baby shower invite, like others have said i think getting a gift is a 'given' at a party, but i had the baby shower to catch up with friends and family and the 'congratulations' was much more important to me than a gift.

i think its super rude to ask for a gift, obviously thier not short of a dollar if they hired a hall, if money was an issue they shouldve had the party at home or in a park!

[Phteven]

Starfish and Salsa, I don't think you're so odd. Yes, it's a little differant but so what? People do things that are unusual every day. Either we can get our knickers in a knot over a packet of chips/plate of scones or we can shrug it off as part of the wonderful tapestry that is our wierd and wacky world and bring a snack.
It's no biggy and I certainly don't understand why so many people are condemning them so roundly for something that is a pretty minor faux pas.
As for the bring a present for the girl who invited you - I read that as meaning that we don't expect you to bring three presents.
I think it's a bit embarressing that this thread has spawned over a hundred posts many of which are kind of nasty and condemnatory. I thought that as a community we were more capable of being tolerant but I guess that our tolerance doesn't extend to someone who bends the norms of children's parties. It may be rude to ask people to bring a plate but I think that it's equally rude to be intolerant.

[bon]

If my DD got an invite like that, I would probably raise my eyebrows, but I would do as requested and bring a plate of food and let DD have a good time. I personally don't think it is a huge deal.

And I think the second invite is actually an improvement on the first one - the mothers obviously realised, or had it pointed out to them, that it was a bit rich to be expecting the guests to bring a present for each of the girls and a plate of food on top of that - so they put out a new invite that says only bring one present. Admittedly, it could have been worded better so it didn't come across as a demand, but honestly - is really such a big deal? In the grand scheme of things, this is just so so minor. And inexpensive too - you needn't spend over $10 on a gift if you don't wish to, and a plate of food would cost a few dollars at most. If you don't want to do that, just don't take your child to the party. The mothers probably have no idea that all this fuss is being made behind their backs and that their invitations have been conceived as rude - if they did, they would probably be embarrassed by it all and apologetic too - I know I would if it was me.

[sneakysparkle]

well said starfish, salsa and brontide

I imagine it would be quite awful for the mothers if they knew what had been said about them here.