Was this a faux pas?

[Teeki]

Nah not me. I had plenty of clothes that had tags on them. I've even been given cherished second hand items that had tags on them and they weren't worn because the opportunity never came up. Not because they weren't loved.

Yeah but I de-tagged and washed clothes 5 months in advance so I may be odd DH is almost having to physically restrain me from doing the same with DDs old clothes now!

[Rouge]

Not odd. Just awesomely efficient

[Rosey]

I think cushions are a bit different than baby clothes though. Babies/toddlers can end up having so many clothes that sometimes you don't remember who gave you what. I know that happened in my case. If the person that gave them didn't have her own kids at present I certainly wouldn't think of asking her if she would like them.

Yes that's true

[chody47]

It wouldn't bother me. TBH, I'm surprised she actually remembered which outfits she gave. I even think asking for them back is a bit rude.... As for the tags discussion, with DD1 I removed all tags and washed almost immediately. Lots of stuff never got used due to ending up being the wrong season. With DD2 I'm taking off tags and washing as needed. If it looks like some stuff won't get worn due to being the wrong season they may just get left on the shelf with tags....

[Mrs P]

Perhaps it would be reading too far into the situation, but if the item was unused and still had tags on it, then that would say to me that my friend had no intention of using it at all, as I would have thought that as a matter of course, they'd clip the tags and run it through the wash and put it in the draw at the least ... and if the item was the wrong season or not to their taste, I would have thought they'd tell me early on, and I could take it back and get something else they could get some use out of.


HTH

I should have said it was a fleecy jacket with suede-like exterior and a puffy style jacket, so neither could be thrown in the washing machine. Also we live in Perth and honestly the weather doesn't really require such full on winter clothes very often. So the time window where they fit ended up being summer ha ha!

I may be a bit odd too but with the clothes we were given that were too big to wear straight away (like size 0 jackets given at birth!) I left tags etc and just popped them in the wardrobe for later. Except later never happened for these.

I was going to give them (along with about 15 other new items that also didn't work for size in the right season) to a friend with a baby girl but honestly when I looked at the huge pile I felt bad giving away something that people had bought for our DD and I thought the best outcome was to sell and put the money in DDs piggy bank, that way it's still like she got a gift IYKWIM?

ETA thanks to whoever changed "pax" to "pas" lol!

[chody47]

I think giving the present 'back' to DD by putting the money in her account is an awesome idea!

[TaRhLi.]

Wouldn't worry me at all. I've recently just done a baby market to sell a lot of baby clothes (especially boy clothes), I have an idea which items were bought as gifts but no idea who would have got them for them. But if someone questioned why I was selling a 'gift' I would tell them the truth - that the kids have grown out of the clothes and that any money raised would be used to buy new clothes in the correct sizes.

And about tags, I keep them on and use clothes as needed as if they are the wrong size or never get worn I will return them to the store they were purchased from and exchange for something in the correct size.

To me it is better to have something that can be used than something that stays in a draw unused.

[wysiwyg]

So I listed a few items today and then I got a FB message from my bestie (currently away on holiday) asking if she could get a couple of the items she had "bought for DD as she would like them for when she has kids". So I didn't realise that listings on the sell page would show up on my FB friends newsfeed so now I feel bad that I was selling something she gave me that I obviously didn't use. But DD is 2.5 so it's not like I hadn't held onto it for quite a while. I told her she could have the two items (for free) and that I was selling them to get $ for the kids piggybank (which I am).

I wouldnt be annoyed at all, and re-reading this maybe she wasn't either - just thinking if I didn't have kids maybe I would phrase it exactly as she did. You know it is kind of tricky she wouldn't not mention she had bought them as would she would assume you had remembered who bought them. Thinking back to prekids I remember picking up stuff for friends babies as gifts that I would have loved to get back if wasnt used - but it wouldn't bother me what happened to it. Is prob one of those things where FB etc makes it seem a more awkward situation than it is.

As for comments about tags etc. Not everyone pre-washes stuff (eg me), so I dont think tags can be any indication of someones desire to use or not - I am one of those parents who is more likely to be snipping the tags out once is being worn than pre-washing.

[trishalishous]

I write down who gave us what, so that I dont do this by accident. On items which we use, then I put a mark on the back of the tag. on tagged items I put a paper clip on the tag, so i remember it was a gift.

[Mrs P]

I write down who gave us what, so that I dont do this by accident. On items which we use, then I put a mark on the back of the tag. on tagged items I put a paper clip on the tag, so i remember it was a gift.

Now that is organised!

[Cass72]

With regards to the cushions, well, I'd be royally pinged off.

With regards to the baby clothes. I bought my nieces and nephews loads of expensive clothes when I was childless. I loved being able to dress them in clothes that their parents would never dream of buying. None of them came back to me for DS1 nor did I expect them to. When I had DS2 some ladies from my work bought me some gorgeous clothes but none of them were the right size for the right season. I sent them a lovely thank you card for their gift, returned the clothes and exchanged them for something else. No one was offended.

I would probably give her back "her" clothes and get over it.

Rouge....you make me laugh...crazy cat ladies indeed!!

[xXHopeXx]

I think asking for the gift back that she gave is a bit rude.. considering she's asking for a present back she bought for your DD. If it was something she lent you, or handed down (like hand-me-downs, or a cot etc.) then i wouldn't even think twice, but just think the principle of asking for a present back is rather rude.
If it were me, i wouldn't make a fuss, i'd tell her she's more than welcome to have the clothes back, but explain that she didn't get to wear them because of wrong season/size, and you were wanting to sell them so your DD still gets a present, as the money would go into her account.
My thinking would be that if she was upset, she would hopefully then see it differently and that you weren't being rude (which i don't think you are even if you were just selling them for whatever reason) and were actually trying not to make her present a waste IYKWIM.

[Calluna]

I might be a little hurt they had never been worn, but as you say, they are wildly inappropriate for your climate. In which case, I think its fine. Its kind of strange for her to be asking to have them back IMO. Selling them and giving the money in the piggy bank is a great idea.

I think if we kept everything we'd turn into crazy cat lady hoarders!

Im a crazy cat lady hoarder. I have 6, and thier cats, in my hallway cupboard right now.

[Rowellen]

I may be a bit odd too but with the clothes we were given that were too big to wear straight away (like size 0 jackets given at birth!) I left tags etc and just popped them in the wardrobe for later. Except later never happened for these.

I'm the same now so I don't think that odd. With DS, I was keen to get everything washed in advance but I learnt that no matter how gorgeous some of the gifts were, it just turned out to be the wrong size for the season. Unfortunately because the tags were off & they were washed, I didn't feel I could regift & I also felt they would be more difficult to onsell. When they were gifted, I didn't know then that they would be the wrong size, so by the time I realised it was too late to exchange. I ended up passing most of his things on to my cousin when I found out she was pg with her first. I would have been nice to be able to sell them & get something else for him.

Since learning that lesson, I kept tags on all DD's things until they were appropriate size & season. As it turns out, there are plenty of lovely things that she has outgrown & never worn. Even stuff I bought myself! Some things I have regifted. Others, I'll be looking to sell as soon as I can find time to take pics. I think I'll sell on ebay or gumtree rather than FB though as I know from the MCN buy/sell site that it ends up on friends newsfeeds.

To the original question, I don't think I would be annoyed as others have said - having kids I know it happens! I also hate that expectation put on gifts. Once gifted - it's up to the receiver what happens. I know my mother is one who would get offended at this as she sees it as a reflection on her. Somehow a "it's not quite right for me" translates to "I don't love you and you are a stupid moron" in her mind. So I have lots of things from my mother that sit around unused but I can't get rid of because of the guilt factor. It's just wrong.

[~ Mylitta ~]

I think most people would understand that kids grow out of clothes pretty quickly, and that something needs to be done with the clothes that no longer fit. It's either throw them out (bit of a waste with brand new clothes), sell them, or give them to charity. I happily give good condition used clothes to charity, but brand new and "brand name" clothes I tend to hold onto with the intention of selling (when I get the time lol). I think when you have kids of your own it's probably easier to understand how some clothes just never end up getting used due to sizing and the wrong season, so I wouldn't get upset if something I gifted someone was getting sold unused. I would just assume that unfortunately the sizing and season didn't match.

In the case of your friend, I would just give her the clothes and let her know that unfortunately the season and sizing was wrong for your kids, but that you loved them so much you wanted them to go to someone that would love them as much as you, and that's why you were selling them. Plus, it would give you kids some piggy bank money.

[nickle730]

I'd be hurt because I'd feel like I had stuffed up in my choice of gift. I might mention it next time I saw you and apologise for giving you something you weren't able to use. She has no right to ask for the items back, they were a gift and she has no claim on them. I find it very odd that she would ask you to give them to her, but I suspect she is making the point that she saw the items on FB and knows you didn't use them! Very petty, IMO.

[AndiE]

It wouldn't bother me. TBH, I'm surprised she actually remembered which outfits she gave. I even think asking for them back is a bit rude.... As for the tags discussion, with DD1 I removed all tags and washed almost immediately. Lots of stuff never got used due to ending up being the wrong season. With DD2 I'm taking off tags and washing as needed. If it looks like some stuff won't get worn due to being the wrong season they may just get left on the shelf with tags....

Totally agree. I've bought so many baby clothes for friends I honestly could not remember what I gave who. I don't think it would bother me to see a friend sell unused baby clothes that I'd given as a gift. For argument's sakes, with my 3 boys I have tons and tons and tons of baby boy clothes. And DS3 grew so big, so quickly there were 000s and 00s we were given that he didn't get a chance to wear due to the season and the fact that I had so many clothes to choose from, by the time I got to a few of the new ones, he's already outgrown them. Oops!

[trishalishous]

Now that is organised!

Its mainly so if we are going to see aunty S, I dress the kids in one of her gifts, then say "oh this one was a gift, its gorgeous, isnt it? actually I think it was from you?"