Helping others - is it not "the norm" any more??

[peanutter]

They pack up and move your house in exchange for money. Sometimes quite a lot of money, but that is most likely the route we'll take next time as we've reached the critical mass of stuff to be moved that fish, chips and beer doesn't quite cover

ahh, that just means more invitations are required

we had about 30 people help us with our last move - a lot of people did just the one one car trip (they got no beer ... just hugs and kisses!) and about 10 did the main work with us.

all up, it cost us abouit $30 in fish and chips, and a slab.

and a tube of aryldite, to fix the one thing which got broken (though the aryldite solved that )

but some of our friends much prefer the removalists - especially the ones that do the packing for you!!

[Cranky Kitten]

Our last move took place over a weekend - my DH has a truck licence so we generally hire the biggest truck we can get. We moved one of our friends on the Saturday, then ourselves on the Sunday. Unfortunately though, DH was suffering chronic pnuemonia at the time and could do little more than drive the truck - he was hospitalised the day after. It was a full day's hard work with myself and 4 of our friends just for the furniture, books and dvds.

I couldn't ask our friends to do that for us again - we were all traumatised after the last one

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

We offer help and accept it - I have some lovely friends. We're also having friends move us: we can't afford removers. We can afford a pub meal out for everyone, however. And have marked our most precious things as fragile for me to take in the car rather than the lads to take in the luton. Last move was a full day to move half an hour up the road, done in 4 van journies. This time we're getting two larger vans and not having to clean the house when we move out (we were renting before). The place is going to be left clean, but not completely sparkling, IYSWIM. So that frees me up a lot more - and the house we're moving to hasn't been left vacant for several months with rotting (insect) bodies under the kitchen and mould growing, so shouldn't be as manky. Not sparkling, but not horrid either.

When I help out I don't expect to be paid either, except maybe with help in return. I wouldn't offer to help if it seriously inconvenienced me: usually looking after a child DS's age or thereabouts gives me a sit down, so I don't want anything else!

[briggsy's girl]

that's another thing we do - if we can't physically help (my dodgy wrist means heavy lifting can, at times, be totally out of the question), i'll offer to have kidlets over here. it's no big deal for me, but it can be a huge help for my friends.

the friend we moved is a single mum - her mum helps her out, but her brother (who lives local) seems to be a bit like mine. we work the same days at work, although she is working full time in a senior role at the moment, so has to organise care for Thursdays for her (almost) 3 year old. i've just said if her mum can't have him, drop him here. we're home anyway, so i'm not having to make big arrangements around him. it's not an inconvenience for us at all. but i know she won't because she feels like it's a huge deal - probably because of the song and dance members of her family make if they're asked to help at all kwim?

i'm glad there are some helpful people on BB

and I'm glad Astrid mentioned that different friendship "groups" seem to have a different ethos towards helping - was beginning to think i was the only one that noticed it!

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Oh babe i've been busy over the weekend and wanted to reply so many times but couldn't
You guys really are diamonds in the rough, i know a LOT of people who wont/dont help but that said we were bought up to help.
DP's friends have helped us move 3 times now but we return the favour at every possible chance (moved 1 friend twice), we offer to babysit for friends who need some 'time out' and things like that.
I try and help people even if i don't really know them (ie through BB) but i can't always be there when i want to be.

Dad is doing work on his house in Gippy, DP will likely go down and do majority of the outside painting, he also does quite a bit of 'love'jobs for friends and family when he can fit it in...

[fionas]

I've had more offers of help in the last year in my new little town from people I barely knew than I had from people I'd known close to 20 years in Melbourne when I actually really, really needed their help.

Example: In my last pregnancy I was housebound for six months because I could barely walk. With a two-year-old who was having tantrums virtually every hour. Fun. Added to that I was trying to sell a house and prepare the house for inspection AT LEAST twice a week. Imagine trying to bend to pick things off the floor plus vacuum when you feel like your body is being ripped apart through the middle. Imagine what it does to your mental state when you cannnot leave the house and you are dealing with hourly tantrums that are totally understandable because your two-year-old can't leave the house either. On top of that my teenage DSD was going off the rails and was not helping at all. My Melbourne friends all knew this and did not offer to help despite the fact that we had babysat their children numerous times and really, really could have done with a few hours break every few weeks. One lived within a kilometre.

Contrast that with the people we've got to know here. When I've mentioned (just mentioned, not going into all the ins and outs) that I have lingering issues from my pregnancy, I've had virtual strangers offering to take care of DD, we have friends who come and bring wood into the house for us (DP currently has a broken leg to top it all off). And lots of other examples.

We reciprocate of course and having pondered the meaning of life in the depths of depression myself BG, I have to say that the answer that's made the most sense to me over the years is that we're here to help other people. So that's what I try to do. Plus I try to surround myself with like-minded people and sadly some of the people I've known the longest don't fit into that category. Never too late thought to forge a different life and a different community

[Snacks]

I find it easy to help and ask for help from some friends but not others (particularly when it comes to babysitting!).

What I find interesting is how odd it is now to help a stranger. I am ALWAYS surprised when someone shows me any kind of courtesy in a public place (eg holding a door open or offering to help me unload my shopping when I'm holding a crying baby - this has happened a couple of times. Such an easy thing for someone to do but it totally throws me!) because generally people don't want to have any interaction with a stranger in public. I am a big fan of communication, even just friendly body language, especially with someone with kids. But often it is ignored or else makes them seem visibly uncomfortable.
Do you find this with strangers?
Oh! The last time I phoned the FAO (or whatever they're called now) it was just to change my address but I ended up talking to the lady for over half an hour! We just got along really well and had a great chat! I LOVE that kind of thing but it's so rare these days.
I think MD is right and we've become a bit of a self-service culture.