how to say they are not invited

[hj1981]

I have to agree with PP's - and yep I would assume that if it was a kids party, then my kids would be invited as well as my DH. I would find it odd to be invited by myself, regardless of how well we know others there etc. You didn't put them on the invite but now that they are saying they are coming, you are saying you don't want them to come, so essentially you are telling them not to come!

No i said i didn't plan for them to come, hence the no name on the invite, but now that they are coming i do not mind, hence why i said maybe i should change the title of this thread instead!
but wow i hope they don't play up, drawing on my walls with pencils will not go down nicely with DH! he won't have it!

[NaeNae]

but wow i hope they don't play up, drawing on my walls with pencils will not go down nicely with DH! he won't have it!

I think this is your main gripe with the situation personally.

For a first birthday "thing" I would probably go with DD and leave DH at home even if it was JUST my name on the invite. Its a baby's birthday not a family gathering (if you are inviting close friends and mothersgroup people its more than just a small family do) Therefore I would assume my child could come too. Perhaps not Hubby but definately my child afterall it IS for a child.

DO I think your friend was rude for assuming - No I don't. If you feel she was being rude for assuming they ALL were invited without clarifying with you first - then really it comes back to you because you have failed to mention specifically partners and children were NOT invited.

Try removing yourself and your feelings on this and put yourself in her shoes. Pretend for a minute that she had said to you come to my childs 1st but its only you who is invited, you might ask why you might not, but how would YOU feel if you rocked up and there were other people with their Hubbies and kids there who were not family.

I would bet deep down some part of you would question why is it ok for them and not for me?

Now to what I really think your issue is - the kids misbehaving and drawing on walls etc.

Yes it can be really upsetting and infuriating. If the parents are NOT supervising their own children you might just have to say something to them. You might just have to pull the kids up on their behaviour. You might just have to say to the mother - please clean up after the kids. If the kids are not responding to your requests you MIGHT just have to ask them to leave.

But thats part and parcel of hosting parties of any kind.

I know you didn't quite get the response you were looking for. With all due respect knowing she has kids and not inviting them was a little rude on your behalf unless you were to specifically state no partners or children welcome on the invites.

Same as with wedding invites you need to specify IF children are NOT invited otherwise people would rightly assume that their kids are welcome to attend.

Nae x

[*EJ*]

Not to rub it in even more but thinking of it from your friends behalf she probably has no idea at all you have those opinions of her DH and children and wouldn't realise that she as come accross as being rude for assuming.

The stress in planning parties....

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Perhaps the OP is getting a bit upset because it seems a lot of people haven't read through ALL of the replies?

Based on your first, unedited post, I thought you were asking how to tell her the rest of the family weren't invited. I did think that was weird and a bit rude. However, now that you've said that the family hasn't met yours, and you only put her name on the invite, I think it's perfectly reasonable to be upset that she didn't clarify before inviting her family.

[AliBaby]

Just wanted to give you one of these

I am of the thinking that a first birthday party is really for the parents of the child who turned one. It is not really for entertainment value for other children. It is a get together of people in the birthday child's and parent's life to celebrate the first year of the child's life so I can completely understand that you would only want people who are in your child's life there.

I do thinkits rude to assume others are invited when they have had nothing to do with your child's life. If the invite were for her children it would have their names on it and it would be fair enough for her to assume she would be taking them and therefore invvited as she is the parent but the invite is not for the children.

Anyway big for you. You shouldnt have to deal with unnecessary stress.