how to say they are not invited

**hj1981** · November 13th, 2011, 03:01 PM

More so............. does anyone think this is rude?

Well it is DD's 1st birthday on sunday, and of course we are having a little party for her

I have invited a few of my uni friends as they were there throughout my pregnancy and all came and saw me in hospital after i had her, so i thought it would be nice to invite them to her first birthday.

So on the invitations it has just them, not their partners and not their kids (is that okay?).
All of them have RSVP'd and said they are coming, and one of them has said she and her husband and 3 kids will be there!
Now with out being to rude how do i say that her husband and kids are not invited?
We personally do not like her husband, and the stuff she says about him and the way he treats her, hasn't helped the matter, he is rude and lazy and her kids are quite unruley, last event they went too they drew all over the host's walls with pencils! and they are old enough to know better.

So do you find it rude that she is bringing her family along without asking?

**blessedatlast** · November 13th, 2011, 03:12 PM

I don't think you can say partners & kids aren't invited. Why would you not invite kids to a kids party? .. Why would adults want to come to a childs party without their kids? If I was them, I wouldn't come if I couldn't bring my kids... JMO though.. You are entitled to have there who you want

**HotI** · November 13th, 2011, 03:15 PM

i'm with BAL.

I don't think you can say that her husband and kids are not invited without being rude.

**Traveller** · November 13th, 2011, 03:15 PM

If you really dislike the husband then you will need to tell her that he (and the kids) are not invited, and why. Be prepared that this most likely result in the loss of a friend though, these things can rarely be said nicely.

**Bengal** · November 13th, 2011, 03:22 PM

Are you sure the other gals arnt bringing their kids ?

**hj1981** · November 13th, 2011, 03:26 PM

Are you sure the other gals arnt bringing their kids ?

they are not bringing their kids, or husbands and they do not have a problem with it

**peanutter** · November 13th, 2011, 05:15 PM

Personally, I would not assume my husband or child/ren were invited to the party of a friend's child if my husband and kids had not met then.

I would ask if they were invited, and if I was told something like kuraiza wrote, I would think that's fair enough.

If I was told my husband is a jerk and my kids were undisciplined brats, that wouldn't go down quite so well

I understand the POVs that a kids party would equate kids being invited - but I don't think I'd think that, if my kids hadn't met theirs, ITMS.

It's your party, it's for you and your loved ones - your DD isn't going to remember who was and wasn't there, and whether the walls were drawn on or whether she got good prezzies.

I personally would have thought the invitation was clear ... it wasn't "Betty and family" it was "Betty" ... and Betty's family hasn't met your DD.

Would be different if it was one of the kids from playgroup or church or similar - then I'd absolutely be expecting my kid to be the primary invitatee!!

But yeah, I wouldn't be upset or offended, it wouldn't hurt our friendship, I think I'd understand.

JMO

**Floweryfields** · November 13th, 2011, 05:26 PM

I would feel really odd going to a child's party without my children (if I had children), or my husband (if I had a husband) to be honest and would find such an invite quite strange.

And, even if I were only friends with someone and an invite had only my name on it, I would assume that my husband and children were invited too as that's just what normally happens.

To answer the opening question, I don't actually know how you would word it to say they aren't invited and not sound rude.

Eta - If you verbally told these ladies it was only for them and not their children/partners (as someone else suggested), what would be the reaction when they saw other people there with children and hubbies? Would make me wonder why you didn't want mine there iykwim and could make your friendships messy.

**hj1981** · November 13th, 2011, 05:29 PM

I would feel really odd going to a child's party without my children (if I had children), or my husband (if I had a husband) to be honest and would find such an invite quite strange.

its a flippen ONE year's birthday! it is NOT a party, it is a gathering of close friends and family!

**hj1981** · November 13th, 2011, 03:21 PM

well her kids don't even know my kids for one, there will be other kids there but they are from our play group so they are all friends, and for two the party isn't for her kids it is for my child.

If she had of turned around and asked could they come.... maybe a different story, but she didn't she just said they are coming. I know if i was just invited to a party than i would clarify if my kids and husband could come i would never just invite them along without asking!
There are also a few little children around and her kids are a bit older, and with their lack of good behaviour the last thing i want is the other parents to be not enjoying themselves because they are worried about their younger children around these kids, and the last thing i want to be doing is policing kids in my house that really have no respect for other peoples belongings!
The other ladies don't have a problem with coming without their partners, although we would love for their partners to come we have even turned around and said feel free to invite them but they don't feel it is something they should go too and are looking forward to an afternoon partner free

**hj1981** · November 13th, 2011, 03:25 PM

so are you all saying that you would just invite the rest of your family along without even clarifyng if they are invited or not?

And although we have said that there is no need to bring a gift, she is the only one that has stated she will not be bringing a gift because they can't afford too (fair enough) but than again to invite your whole family for free feed and drink!!!! surely that can't be right! once again i would never do such a thing! but maybe i have just been brought up differently!

**Bengal** · November 13th, 2011, 03:35 PM

so are you all saying that you would just invite the rest of your family along without even clarifyng if they are invited or not?

And although we have said that there is no need to bring a gift, she is the only one that has stated she will not be bringing a gift because they can't afford too (fair enough) but than again to invite your whole family for free feed and drink!!!! surely that can't be right! once again i would never do such a thing! but maybe i have just been brought up differently!

I think it's tight she has specifically stated she isn't bringing a gift. Even a bunch of pretty balloons that her kids decorated would surfice. We all know, it's the thought that matters.

**hj1981** · November 13th, 2011, 03:41 PM

I think it's tight she has specifically stated she isn't bringing a gift. Even a bunch of pretty balloons that her kids decorated would surfice. We all know, it's the thought that matters.

I think so too Bengal, but than we did say no need to buy a gift and that is completely fair enough

so i am completely and totally okay with that

**helle** · November 13th, 2011, 03:23 PM

I'm with BAL too. I think that's pretty bad form to be honest. Especially not inviting kids either. To me when you have a husband and kids you become one unit.
Sorry love!

**Traveller** · November 13th, 2011, 03:25 PM

I would personally think it very odd to be invited to a child's birthday party without my children. In fact I would definitely make the assumption my kids were invited unless told otherwise.

***LittleMissSummer*** · November 13th, 2011, 03:27 PM

I'm with BAL as well.

**MummaBee** · November 13th, 2011, 03:27 PM

Its a party for a kid isnt it??????? I can understand you dont want them there but you shouldn't of invited her if you dont want her family to come. If I was her I would have just presumed that you wanted my kids there.