Was this a faux pas?

[Mrs P]

So now our family is complete with the arrival of DS, I have decided to get rid of DDs pile of old clothes.
There were quite a few that still had tags on them, as she didn't fit in them at the right season. So I decided to list them on a FB selling group I recently joined but hadn't used yet.

So I listed a few items today and then I got a FB message from my bestie (currently away on holiday) asking if she could get a couple of the items she had "bought for DD as she would like them for when she has kids". So I didn't realise that listings on the sell page would show up on my FB friends newsfeed so now I feel bad that I was selling something she gave me that I obviously didn't use. But DD is 2.5 so it's not like I hadn't held onto it for quite a while. I told her she could have the two items (for free) and that I was selling them to get $ for the kids piggybank (which I am).

Would you be annoyed if you found out someone sold a similar item in the same situation?

[Phteven]

Maybe. If I give someone a gift I don't mind of they re-gift it because that's paying it forward but I think I might be a bit put out if they were selling it.

[Beach Mama]

Nope I couldn't care less TBH - I think once you give a gift it's up to the person to do with it as they wish, but I might be slightly miffed that it didn't get used!!!! I think I would worry they didn't like it or something and might be slightly less offended if it didn't still have tags!! Having said that I am weird!!

[Astrolady]

Nope I wouldn't be annoyed. Kids grow out of stuff and sometimes rather quickly everyone knows that. In my opinion they are yours to do as you please. I think it is great that you offered them to her free of charge. That is what I would have done too.

[Rouge]

Nah. Wouldn't bother me at all. I think her behaviour is a bit passive aggressive TBH. I hate it when people beat around the bush. Have a problem spit it out.

[Rosey]

I've had this happen to me, I gave my SIL expensiveish cushions that were mine but I changed styles and she loved them so I passed them along. A few months later she'd listed them for sale on a FB site. I personally was offended that she was making money off them, I felt she should have either given them back or passed them onto another family member as others also loved them.

[Astrolady]

I think cushions are a bit different than baby clothes though. Babies/toddlers can end up having so many clothes that sometimes you don't remember who gave you what. I know that happened in my case. If the person that gave them didn't have her own kids at present I certainly wouldn't think of asking her if she would like them.

[trishalishous]

I write down who gave us what, so that I dont do this by accident. On items which we use, then I put a mark on the back of the tag. on tagged items I put a paper clip on the tag, so i remember it was a gift.

[Mrs P]

I write down who gave us what, so that I dont do this by accident. On items which we use, then I put a mark on the back of the tag. on tagged items I put a paper clip on the tag, so i remember it was a gift.

Now that is organised!

[trishalishous]

Now that is organised!

Its mainly so if we are going to see aunty S, I dress the kids in one of her gifts, then say "oh this one was a gift, its gorgeous, isnt it? actually I think it was from you?"

[Rouge]

I've had this happen to me, I gave my SIL expensiveish cushions that were mine but I changed styles and she loved them so I passed them along. A few months later she'd listed them for sale on a FB site. I personally was offended that she was making money off them, I felt she should have either given them back or passed them onto another family member as others also loved them.

See I see that as different. And definitely not very nice manners.

[Nai]

I probably wouldn't even remember what I had given so I doubt that I would care!

[Astrid]

I think gifts should not come with clauses. If they do happen to, then they should be made clear at the giving eg when no longer needed pass onto someone in need.

I hate that gifts can end up being a burden rather than a joy.

I was given a couple of items (picture and doll) when I was about 11 from my Bro and SIL. When I was 18 and left home with just a suitcase, they were naturally left behind. Mum took them over, put up the picture and the doll on her bed. My SIL saw pictures of mum's house and absolutely cracked it, carrying on that I was ungrateful After that experience, I wont put that expectations on others.

[black_rose]

The cushions I would have a problem with seeing being sold, not clothes though as others have said what else can you do once they have outgrown them. It's a bit odd of your friend to ask for them back. I get frustrated with the way fb puts private things up on everyone's newsfeed.

[myturn]

To be honest, while I would never show how I felt (because as everyone says, it was a gift and you are perfectly entitled to do as you will), I probably would be hurt a bit. It wouldn't affect my relationship with that person, but I'd feel sad I got it so wrong I'd be thinking my gift wasn't suitable. But I wouldn't be upset it angry with you and I think what you have done is fine.

The fact that it worries you suggests that maybe you would have felt a little hurt in her place I think if you are worried, them when you give them to her, genuinely apologise and acknowledge the awkward situation, if she's a good friend that's all it needs and you will feel better than if you ignore it
something like
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, we didn't get a chance to use everything we got, and this was so lovely I didn't want to get rid of it, but couldn't remember who bought it! I'm so glad I can give it to you to use.

If she is a good friend this will be enough

[Joeve]

I would be a bit hurt too but wouldnt say anything to be honest know I have a baby I get it! Some things don't work with the size and weather! I had no real idea before.
I have re gifted things that I have been given already so I definitely get where you are coming from!

[peanutter]

It would bother me, and I would be pretty peeved.

Perhaps it would be reading too far into the situation, but if the item was unused and still had tags on it, then that would say to me that my friend had no intention of using it at all, as I would have thought that as a matter of course, they'd clip the tags and run it through the wash and put it in the draw at the least ... and if the item was the wrong season or not to their taste, I would have thought they'd tell me early on, and I could take it back and get something else they could get some use out of.

It wouldn't particularly bother me to exchange something to make sure my gift is appreciated and used - goodness knows I've been given some things that aren't to my taste or aren't things I would get use out of ...

Also, I'm a bit anal and I keep "gift" clothes somewhere specific to make sure they get at least one wear and I take photos, to send the giver, to see how adorable my babies look in their clothes. People always seem to get a real kick out of that

Particularly with a close friend, it would hurt ...

But that's the bit that would hurt, not the selling it later - that wouldn't really phase me. Once it's run its course and has no further use, if they can get some cash from it, no problem. On the contrary, it would please me to see that the outfit I'd bought for you was getting a new lease on life, and why not sell it rather than give it away

That being said, gifts is one of my love language, and I really, REALLY love finding perfect presents for people, and knowing that they get good use. So I'd rather it was used and stained and torn and worn thin rather than being re-sold, unused. Thinking of it sitting on its lonesome for a couple of years, and making me wonder whether you'd hated it would make me a bit sad.

At any rate, if this situation happened with one of my besties, I probably would have asked back when your DD was tiny whether you'd used it yet, because I'd love to see her in it, or (if it was clear that it hadn't been weather appropriate) I'd be asking if you wanted something else instead - you wouldn't have been getting an email (passive aggressive or otherwise) asking for it back now :P

HTH

[Teeki]

I think peanutter raises a good point about the tags - whenever I was given baby clothes the tags were removed and the clothes washed and put away.

Other than that though, I really wouldn't mind. They grow so fast and they don't grow at the same rate - you could buy for a baby born now and guess what they might wear next summer but there's no guarantees it will fit!

Maybe she's just hoping she'll be pregnant soon, and hand me downs from friends are a great way to stock a wardrobe, but she only feels ok asking about the clothes she gave if she's not actually pregnant yet?