The "Mine is better than Yours" situations....

[little_O]

Can I just say ......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG GGGGGHHHHHHH!

I stopped someone one day with, "yeah I died". Because her illness was soooo much worse than mine. I had a headache, she had a suspected tumor. I twisted my ankle, she tore all her ligaments and had to go into rehab. So, it transpired that this one time when I was saying what procedure I had to get done (all girly bits involved) she just kept going on and on about someone she knew who had all that but worse so I just butted in with, yeah I know, I died....

Her look was priceless, like her brain couldn't comprehend what I'd said. She paused for a bit and then continued with her story.

Oh and, btw, that was my sister. When I told her I was pregnant she told me all about her friend who was pregnant - woop-de-doop, I actually don't give a rats - "congratulations Sis" would have been nice.

Ha this is what I'm talking about!....you're sister doesn't live near me does she??

[Cass72]

Haha.... she's in Melbourne.

She's been like that forever and everyone in the family knows about it, we just smile and nod.

[Phteven]

I'm not sure how relevant this is to the one upping but the whole comparing babies thing made me think of this article that I read recently.

The Best Advice.

At the birthday party of a ten year old girl, a group of mothers looked on anxiously while talking about their children. While the little girls danced to Taylor Swift and compared their collection of silly bands, the mothers were deep in discussion.

"How long did you breastfeed for? Was it exclusive or did you supplement with a bottle?" asked one mother.

"Was she dry at night by two, or just dry during the day? We moved to pull-ups by eighteen months" said another.

"Did she have a sippy cup or did she go straight from breast to a cup?"

It sounds unbelievable doesn't it?

That's because it is.

It never happened.

By the time your child is ten, your nipples will be safely tucked away inside your bra. If you were to pull them out at the local coffee shop it's possible you may be arrested. There will have been 964 new experts in children's sleeping patterns, and you will groan and change the channel each time they pop up on the telly to promote their new book. The aisle in the supermarket with the wet wipes and the boxes of Huggies will be a complete mystery to you.

Children will win awards at school and no-one will say "I hear she was the first in her baby group to use a straw". No-one looks at a child and says "I really like the way they walk, I bet they walked by ten months, they look like they've been doing it longer than everyone else."

The game of my child is going to turn out better than your child has ended, because everyone has realized it's irrelevant. The baby that could point to the blue blocks and stack the hoops faster than anyone else is now failing Language Arts but blitzing in Geometry. Parents have learnt that each week there will be another hurdle, maybe it will be social, perhaps it will be scholastic, we all pray it wont be medical.

Your challenges this week may involve not making the basketball squad or falling out with a best friend. You will try and stay calm while you work on fractions, listen intently to the project on sharks, and be genuinely interested while you are given the task of quizzing the religious definitions of certain aspects of Judaism. You may find yourself wiping away the tears at the orthodontist (both yours and hers), and then bursting with pride over the courage displayed while being vaccinated, again, both yours and hers.

First words, first teeth, weening and first steps are all captured in photos and video clips, their dates are immaterial.

Having four children in four different countries has meant that I have received four very different approaches when it came to parenting advice. To wrap or unwrap, to control cry or to attach, to breast-feed for at least 4, 6, 12 months or more. To circumcise, to what in the hell would you do that for? You can have one drink. You can have no drinks.

My four children, unsurprisingly, have different levels of intelligence and physical abilities depending on what it is that they are doing at the time. I would hazard a guess that none of it is related to whether they sat in a stroller or spent more time in a baby sling. The one pregnancy that I technically got everything right for, has not resulted in a child any more brilliant than another. The unplanned pregnancy, the one that didn't receive the vitamins and the forethought, is interestingly the child who is supposedly quite gifted. This could be luck, this could be life.

When I look back at everything I was told and every book that I read, one piece of advice stands clear of everything else. It came from my obstetrician in Malta. A brilliant man with the kindest heart. A man with six children of his own.

As I was packing my bag ready to leave the hospital with a brand new third little traveler, Dr Muscat walked in to my room to check on how I was and joked about how the easy bit was over. I was now heading home to three children under four. He stood over the third little traveler and looked down at him with a very sincere smile and said "you are very lucky" and then he looked in my direction. "Both of you - you are very lucky".

"Take him home and cherish him. Remember to take a moment to really look at him and love him. It is the very best thing you can do for him".

It's simple but it's true. Don't get caught in the hype, don't beat yourself up, don't over think it.

Just love them.


http://shamozal.blogspot.com.au/2012...st-advice.html

[Rowellen]

Very true Zazou. Except for this sentence:

The game of my child is going to turn out better than your child has ended, because everyone has realized it's irrelevant.

It will continue on past adulthood depending on how competitive the parent is. I can remember my mum being in tears because she didn't have grandkids and all her brothers & sisters did. She now has 4. One of her friends has been comparing her child to me since we were in nappies. And still does . We are 32 & 34yo FFS.

I just ignore those comments. Smile & nod and let them win because I don't care.

[little_O]

I'm not sure how relevant this is to the one upping but the whole comparing babies thing made me think of this article that I read recently.

That is brilliant!

[misty]

to be fair, I think sometimes its not that they are trying to hog the limelight, they just want to share with you, that 'yes' they do know how special / amazing / fabulous it is, and they know this because they too have shared that experience with their child. Its their way of letting you know thy understand. Because, lets face it, it is only so amazing / special / fabulous because it is YOUR child (I mean really ALL kids go through the same developmental milestones, it just happens at different times, and we notice it in different things). I don't think we can expect others to want to applaud or be excited about our child(ren) in the same way we are, but if they can understand why your are excited because they can relate to it, then that is actually a good thing.

Having said that, I do happen to know at least a few people with whom it is definitely a competitive 'one-upmanship' thing. And boy does that get my goat. So I guess you have to know the 'person' / people in question to know whether they are just trying to share and join in the excitement, or trying to lord it over you.

[Phteven]

I like to pull the mine is worse than yours card.
Ie, my brother and sister were comparing the strength of their painkilling drugs so I said I've got a bottle of painstop (totally went over my sister''s head she told me it was S? in a pitying voice lol) or when people are comparing their broken bones I like to tell them about the time I stubbed my toe and ripped half my nail off and if you tell me how awesome Verbier is I'll be sure to mention Smiggen's Holes

[Teeki]

Loved that article Zazou

Little_O, I think you're right that it's the attitude of the person. I reckon most of us here would do the "oh yes, I get it because I've been there" but then carry on the conversation about you. At least that's how I do it - congratulations, I get it, here's my example, how's that going for you/how are you feeling about it/etc.

I have a friend though, with no kids, who is a god parent to a little girl around 6 months older than my DD. This friend came visit once, and because she's so far away it was a whole day visit. Right away she asked how DD was doing, and almost before I'd finished the sentence she said "oh yeah, S did... *something totally unrelated*..." We then spent the rest of the day talking about her god daughter and god daughter's sister, until we eventually moved on to her love life. It was a draining day, and she really didn't care about me & DD at all!

So yeah, someone like that, where you know it's not just a conversation continuer, go ahead and pull her up on it. Good luck!