Ettiquette regarding Donations

[Matryoshka]

I know this may be a sensitive subject but could someone guide me in the ettiquette of giving donations to the church/priest?

Our Baptismal form for our boys states that donations are welcomed, we were guessing say $50-$100 per boy, but my MIL said more like $5-$10!!! I have no idea??? Do you give based upon your means? or by how much something means to you? Or what you think the Priest's time would be?

Also today we attended a viewing of a dvd about Baptism at the Church, two people left before us at the end, then as we were leaving we saw the last couple give the Priest some money, this had never even occurred to us, and i felt like perhaps we should have.

Is there a way to know when its appropriate to give money? i would have actually worried about offending by giving money as i'm not accustomed to this. And how do you know how much to give at certain times. For instance I am having my Confirmation at the Easter Vigil, would this be another occasion to make a large donation?

Also when do you give the money directly to the Priest? and are there times you give it in a box or such? and what do you say when you give it to the Priest? "Thanks, here you go"? (which sounds patronising) or do you say nothing?

Thanks in advance, it's a bit embarrassing being so naive about this but i have not been a practicing Catholic since i was a child.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Give what you can.
Most will give $50 - $100 per child as you said.
We only gave $20 because it's all we could afford.

As for the Easter Vigil - there are only two times a year when they collect for the priest, so yes, that is when i would donate largely. Easter and Christmas they do two collections, one if for the priest, generally.

Sorry can't really help with the rest.

[Muppity]

Often Churches have a list of things that they want - everything from a new roof to six replacement hymn books. Maybe you could ask the priest if he had anything that the church has on their wish list that way you would be able to think of your boys every time you saw the thing that you bought (or contributed to)

[~Flossie~]

I gave $150 for each of our childrens baptism. my husband gave it to the Priest with a card, after the service.
It is a "donation" so it is what you feel you can afford and how much you want to give.

For us we compared the cost to having your own private celebrant for the occasion.. I am not sure what a celebrant would charge for a naming ceremony but i think it would be around what we paid so this was our thoughts.

[mum3girls]

We donated $50 each for our daughters - all 3 were baptised at the same time. The church we go to has envelopes that you can put money into which you then place in the collection basket that is handed around during the mass. Or you can give the money directly to the priest or to the office - whatever you feel most comfortable with. When our older girls were confirmed, we had to pay a fee (can't remember what it was - I think it worked out to be $100-$120 for both girls to do reconcilliation, confirmation and first eucharist maybe less) which covered the cost of going to about 6 lessons as well. We also donated $20 each on the day.

Really though, it's up to you as to how much you can afford. That was stated in some of the paperwork we got when we were organising the baptism. If unsure, just ask someone in the church office what usually happens in your church community. You definitely wouldn't be the first person to ask.

[Bathsheba]

Great thread MummaB. It's such a tricky issue to raise. Even though I go to church regularly i still don't understand the system for donations... but I agree that asking a long serving member of the congregation is a great idea. Some little old lady will surely be able to gently guide you regarding the etiquette of it all. I also agree that donating a similar amount of money that it would cost to hire a private celebrant for the occasion... that makes total sense.

On a separate issue: the collection plate; does anyone just give what's in their purse on the day (usually the Sunday service) or do you budget for a set amount? I just basically tip all my money out up to about $20. A few times i have been "caught out" because I didn't go to an ATM before church started and I was embarrassed to only pop in a few silver coins I want to make up for those times... so it's interesting to know that some churches have a special donation time around Easter... I'll keep that in mind.

[Jennifer13]

We had out DD baptised at an Anglican church, so probably slightly different. Our minister told us when we asked if we wanted to we could give a donation to the leader who collected the plate. At our church baptisms are done at normal service time though, at designated dates, so when we forgot we didn't feel so bad as it wasn't like they'd had the church ready especially!

Our friends' DS was christened in a Catholic church and they gave the priest $100. There were two babies christened at the same service.

Bath: we take along a few smaller notes and give up to $20. We go almost every week.

[Eugenia]

We give a tithe every month, (10% of our income). It's not compulsory but we believe it's right for us. Collection is taken up at the church every Sunday but whenever there is a special need there is a separate one taken up too and all the money taken goes towards that specific need, this might be something for the church or maybe some help towards someone in need. Donations are always what you can afford.

If you want to give a donation and there is no set collection time then probably the best idea is to put it in an envelope and just hand it over to the priest or maybe the church secretary or office person on the day.

[Pandora]

It depends on the Church.
My cousins daughters Christening they were expected to give a donation of $250. This was written in the information that they gave her. Her priest saw it and told her to ignore and give if and what she could afford.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Two scriptures came to me - one is "let the left hand not know what the right hand is doing" - ie giving a set amount you think about too much isn't the point.

The other is the story of the little old woman who gave a penny to the collection after the rich men had poured in loads of money. She gave the most, explained Jesus, because she gave all she could. The rich men weren't bothered about the (to them) tiny amount they gave. It was just for show. And that is there reward on earth.

I tended to give via direct debit (when I was a regular attendee; the church had a little plate at the back that wasn't passed around and I'd give more if they were collecting for a special thing I wanted to help with): if I don't have a lot of money I'll raid DH's wallet. I'll give as much as I can at the time.