Why is ok to say, skinny and not fat?

[Kazmar]

I dont believe in making people feel crappy, about themselves etc.

But for as long as I can remember I have ahd "Gee your skinny" and be looked up and down like Im sick?!

Im not sick, Im 54kgs and long, I eat like a horse!

What Im getting at is why do people think its ok to say this, yet I never hear people say to somebody "Gee, you've stacked on the weight!" Or "Your fat, arn't you!"



When I was younger I would get these comments and HATED my weight Its still with me to question how I look. I hate it. Just because Im thin doesn't mean I love my body etc.

So tell me, why do you think its ok/ not ok?

[boomba]

aww hun I have no idea...but know how you feel...well the old me does lol!

[diannescruffy]

I could have written that myself. I've got that too all my life "geez how skinny are you". I always felt that I must look sick. I think people just don't realise that for some people it is so hard to put on weight just as some people struggle to loose weight.

Regards,
Dianne

[Rouge]

I don't think it is. Which is why I use neither word, and if someone says it to you and you don't like it then I would definitely say something about it.

The reason I think it's ok is because generally when I grew up you strived to be skinny it was a positive thing. Where as being fat was a negative kwim?

I think now thanks to extremely underweight celebrities skinny has also become a negative.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I say that to a couple of my friends all the time I freely admit, its a jealousy thing - I wish I was as skinny as them! And I can pretty well guarantee that, while they may want to put on weight, they definitely don't wanna be my size. I've told them I'm happy to donate my extra to them, and then we'll both be more happy, LOL.

And for the record - people do say, 'wow, you've stacked on the weight' as well as other horrible things. I hate eating in public, because some people look at an overweight person eating and automatically judge them, and if no-ones ACTUALLY judging, I feel like they're judging. I was shocked at the comments my husband got from friends a few months after we got married, and from shop assistants when we went to buy him a suit recently - NOTHING like what gets said to women, no-one would dare say those things to a woman. 'Geez mate, you're obviously spending more time in the fridge than the bedroom', 'No mate, you're certainly a big boy, we just don't go that far up', - and that's just SOME!

*off soapbox*

[Kazmar]

I say that to a couple of my friends all the time I freely admit, its a jealousy thing - I wish I was as skinny as them! And I can pretty well guarantee that, while they may want to put on weight, they definitely don't wanna be my size. I've told them I'm happy to donate my extra to them, and then we'll both be more happy, LOL.

And for the record - people do say, 'wow, you've stacked on the weight' as well as other horrible things. I hate eating in public, because some people look at an overweight person eating and automatically judge them, and if no-ones ACTUALLY judging, I feel like they're judging. I was shocked at the comments my husband got from friends a few months after we got married, and from shop assistants when we went to buy him a suit recently - NOTHING like what gets said to women, no-one would dare say those things to a woman. 'Geez mate, you're obviously spending more time in the fridge than the bedroom', 'No mate, you're certainly a big boy, we just don't go that far up', - and that's just SOME!

*off soapbox*

Thats so bad!!!!!

I have had people ask me how I can eat so much and stay skinny "So you go throw that back up, do you?"

Clearly people dont realise people come in all different shapes. I do admit I do worry if someone is obviously sick whether it be skinny or fat, kwim?

[Traveller]

I don't think it's ok at all. If I was to comment on someones weight I would more likely say "you are so slim, what a beautiful figure" or "what's your secret, you look amazing". However more ofetn I just would not comment on someone weight because it is non of my business. I grew up being called fat and overly aware of how I looked and don't ever want to make someone feel like I did. The same applies during pregnancy when for some reason people think it's ok so say women are massive or fat. I stick to "what a beautiful bump" because not only is it flattering, it is also always true. I have never seen a non beautiful pregnant belly.

[krisp]

People simply don't think!

My sister used to tell me all the time that I was fat. I am 5'10", a size 12 on the bottom and 10 on the top and 70 kg's I am clearly not fat! She was always very very thin about a size 6-8 which for someone as tall as us is pretty thin. She is now considerably bigger in fact she's about a size 20 but I would never ever ever taunt her about being fat! I worry about her health I do admit, but I would never use the "F" word to her.

Some people just say things that can be hurtful without even realising it.

[sushee]

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to point out that BMIs were created by American insurance companies and are skewed to a low height/weight ratio in an attempt to disallow the average person from being insured as a healthy weight even if they're a size 12. BMIs should never be the be all and end all, and as someone with a BMI of 21 now, I can tell you I AM bordering on too skinny. Most bariatric surgeons now believe a healthy weight would put you at a BMI of 27.

Weight is a very emotive issue and I get really peeved when there is any insinuation that overweight people should just exercise more and eat less. I eat less than a 3 yo now to stay this thin (thanks to my lapband). Is that something someone should be able to sustain on their own? C'mon now. And exercising when you're heavy is very hard, sometimes painful and even with a lapband, many PCOS sufferers don't lose weight, because their body doesn't work like everyone else's. I had PCO and gained 25kgs in a year when I was younger. Was that me suddenly eating more and being lazy?

Weight is a personal thing and how you manage it should not be anyone else's business. And one thing I won't do as a thin person now is be unsympathetic to someone struggling with their weight. I could control everything on my life except my weight. It made me feel weak and powerless when I am actually an incredibly strong woman. And negative comments didn't help. Support for women should be not about preaching but about listening, and helping them figure out what works for them, whether they want to gain, lose, or are happy with how they are.

[onthefly]

I guess we tend to aspire more to the skinny end of the spectrum, so maybe that's why it's sometimes seen as ok? But it's really just the flip side of the same coin.
It's interesting about skewed perceptions. I get called skinny sometimes - I'm really not! I'm small though, so maybe that's why, and unless you see me naked you might not notice all the flab.
We all have things we struggle with and for some of us it's weight. I have been fairly lucky in that while I have no problem maintaining or even gaining weight, I have never gained very much and can lose it with a bit of effort. Doesn't mean I can't empathise though. And I'm also aware of the hypocrisy of criticising other people's lifestyles - I eat crap. I eat too much. I don't exercise enough. It just doesn't make me that fat so I can get away with it. It's still bad for me.

Given the scope of the problem, it's clearly a cultural/societal issue and should be addressed as such. It's counterproductive to tell people YOU are doing the wrong thing, when WE are obviously doing the wrong thing.

[{sarah}]

BMI's are rubbish. My sister was seeing a dietician & he told her if she was at the "right" BMI she would more than likely be dead. He weighed her with scales that do muscle, fat, bones etc etc and the fact is that she has very dense bones which will always put her at a weight that is over her BMI regardless of the fat content of her body.

[AnyDream]

Weight is a very emotive issue and I get really peeved when there is any insinuation that overweight people should just exercise more and eat less. I eat less than a 3 yo now to stay this thin (thanks to my lapband). Is that something someone should be able to sustain on their own? C'mon now. And exercising when you're heavy is very hard, sometimes painful and even with a lapband, many PCOS sufferers don't lose weight, because their body doesn't work like everyone else's. I had PCO and gained 25kgs in a year when I was younger. Was that me suddenly eating more and being lazy?

Weight is a personal thing and how you manage it should not be anyone else's business.

I think societally we are happy to make a whole lot of assumptions about why people are skinny or fat - when the reality of people's lives are frequently quite different to those assumptions. There is a lot of research at the moment about how stress vs happiness affects the biochemistry of weight gain, and it's one of the reasons why malnourished or impoverished children grow into wildly overweight adults. It's also true that once you gain or lose a certain amount of fat, your entire biochemistry around nutrition and fat storage changes. What's true for healthy adults in the "normal" weight range does not necessarily apply to people who are (on their own personal scale of health) under or overweight.

Yep, just ask all those breast cancer patients who gain on average 10 -20kg over the space of all of 6 months despite getting their breasts chopped off, even tho they have spewed their guts out for 5 months straight on chemo. It's the combination of the body's shock at being thrown suddenly into an artificial menopause plus the steroid medication that does it...not to mention the stress and grief involved in the process. Many of those women never lose all of that weight either, the changes to their bodies are profound. If was just about diet and exercise, this just would not happen.

ETA - sorry Misty, I read the post after that one and have only caught up with your previous post just now. It's also possible for people who are in the BMI-determined "healthy weight range" who are actually unhealthily overweight, by virtue of the amount of fat they carry relative to their muscle mass and skeleton (like you point out there are ethnic differences). There's a whole field of statistics which is about measuring people's height & weight & health etc (forget the name) but its quite complex. My point was that the BMI is really very crude whereas the reality of the health-body-size relationship is complex.

[Bathsheba]

And just to make things even more complex (and a bit OT but thought I'd throw it in): there was an article i read somewhere about how some very thin people can still be carrying a dangerous amount of fat: around their vital organs. It's a genetic thing but can be made worse by smoking, drinking and other lifestyle factors (makes the fat build up too great). Fat is not only stored just under the skin, it is stored around your liver, kidneys, heart etc. Interestingly i experienced evidence of how my body stores fat recently when i went in for a scan due to kidney pain. The radiologist said he wasn't really able to get a good image because there wasn't enough fat around my kidneys! It seems as if the image of the organs was visible mainly due to an outline created by the fat layer... or that's how i understand it. Anyhow, not really relevant to this discussion... just something i have learned recently about how our bodies store (or don't store) fat! So whilst i lug around a particularly "ample" behind LOL at least I can be comforted that i have slim organs!

[Livinthedream]

Judging someone solely on face value can never be a good thing.
However, the current state of PC-ness and avoidance of just being realistic is not doing anyone any favors (my opinion)
The simple fact is, we are (generally) over fed and under exercised, and to try and pin a medical label on this phenomenon (in my opinion) is dangerous and a cop out.
I know so many people who have subjected themselves to a barrage of blood tests, hoping against hope that they have some kind of serious medical condition that predisposes them to being overweight, that its not funny. And it makes a mockery of the people who do have real issues.
I think we need to stop looking for the reason we are getting fatter, and start looking at how we can realisitically and sustainably stop over eating. ie, START with a reduction in portion size.

[Bathsheba]

Now this Big Boned thing interests me. I feel that I fit into this catagory. With size 9 feet and hands the same size as my DH I think these are clues... Especially when I compare myself to most women who seem to have on average size 7 feet and dainty little hands. I'd love to read about how your actual skeleton should determine your weight!

[misty]

Big Boned is a myth that somehow that particular persons bones weigh more then everyone elses. The truth is that bones make up a very small percentage of our actual weight. As for bone structure, the BMI does actually (for the most part - say 80% of the western / european descent population) take that into consideration. Hence why it is a healthy weight 'Range'.

My Healthy BMI range for my height is between 56kg and 71kg. As you can see that is very broad spectum of weight. I know I look good at between 60=65kg. Any less then that and I really look sick. I have sisters the same height as me and they weigh 56kg and 54kgs - (sizes 6 and 8) they look good at this weight and are fit and healthy. We have very different builds despit being the same hieght. I also have another sister who is a size 8-10, runs marathons and trains for triathalons, she is the same hieght and looks fabulous and 'skinny' at 70kgs - all of her is muscle.

[misty]

Just thought I would add that I thought size 8 was the average foot size
My sisters and I all have similar foot sizes, 8.5
I was a size 9 for a while when I was at my heaviest (101kg), I never knew until then that your feet can actually gain weight too.

[Floweryfields]

I would say the reason people don't think twice as saying 'you're skinny' is because society has us all believing that skinny is very good while 'you're looking fat' is offensive because to be fat is a bad thing.

I am not dismissing how for someone like yourself, it could be quite offensive, but I guess it is societies fault why we all think this way.