We've had this situation heaps of times over the last 18 months and I always take the other DD (and now DD3) but pay for her in the play centre/Hungry Jacks or whatever to enter and buy food etc for her from the cafe. Whoever wasn't invited also knows that they are not part of the party and therefore don't go in the room, have the food, cake, games etc
TBH I think its rude to ask if siblings can join in the party, even if you do offer to pay. One of my DDs it wouldn't have mattered in terms of her temperament how many kids crammed into the party room at the play centre she chose (although space would have been an issue as we were close to the centre's numbers limit), but DD2 had a party this year and she chose only a handful of kids from her kindy class because emotionally she just can't cope with lots of kids around her, especially ones she doesn't know. I would have been really upset if her day was ruined by uninvited siblings.
I stay for parties at this point, although I think DD1 is getting to the point where she would be ok if I left - not sure I would be though because its rarely just the party kids at play centres
I think a lot of it depends on the relationship you have with the parents. I was often in situations where I could not leave DD2 with someone else and at 5yo, there was no way I would leave DD1 ata HJ party (home party yes, but not a public venue). Some parents knew and understood, even saying with the invite that DD2 was welcome, or if approached were fine with her coming along. Maybe it was due to many of DD's friends also having younger sibling
In return I tend to be ok with younger siblings as I understand it is not always practical. Now DD1 is older and can be left easily, it is no longer an issue, but at DD2 seems to be friends with DD1's friends siblings, she often gets her own invite.
At age 5, I leave DS at parties at sports centres, farms etc. It is expected - the parents are very much "hi, hi Liebling, you can pick him up at X time". If he's clingly then I'm told I can stay if I really want - code for I'm not really wanted.
I would not expect siblings to turn up to a party where I pay for places - unless the mother took them off and they didn't join in the party.
When I have done a party at home, siblings are welcome. Because I invited only a few and Liebling knew the siblings. I think now he's at school I don't know if there would be room for siblings, and the only home party he has attended since we moved I was expected to leave him there too.
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