Been wondering this as we will be having friends stay with us for about a week. Whilst we are more than happy to carry all the financial load of having someone stay for a couple of days, we really cannot afford to carry a family of 3 for a whole week. So I was wondering what is normal practice in this type of situation?
Do you ask the guests for money? Do you ask them to buy certain foods? Do they just have to supply and cook a couple of meals? Or is it that we just have to cop it for the week? If they should contribute, then how do we broach the question? BTW they are the ones who have asked to stay.
See I am happy to cook the dinners, I just want a bit of help dollar wise in order to feed everyone. We will have breakfast basics, but if they want eggs for breakfast every morning then I think they should provide them, if they were here for only 2 nights we would happily cook eggs. It is going to be harder than normal as one of them does not eat red meat or pork products, so whipping up a cheap spag bol just is not possible and I do not want to be cooking 2 meals. I also don't want the situation of us eating separately and them using the kitchen after us.
I have to admit I am very concerned about this situation for a number of reasons. Early in the year we had a friend stay with his daughter and they were here for all meals. He did offer to help out, which we accepted, but he just supplied a heap of dips, cheeses and snack foods. I realise now I should have said give me $50 or do you mind going to the shop one day for bread, milk and a dozen eggs. When he left we had a fridge full of expired food to throw out, as he only buys the heavily marked down stuff and freezes it down for later, so it is only good on the day it is defrosted. I do not want another situation with wasted food like that.
The other reason is that this family stayed at our house earlier in the year whilst we were on holiday. They did great work in the garden, but left the house filthy. The husband was very grateful for the free accommodation, but the wife seemed unimpressed and then complained about out kitchen. So I am pretty miffed. After that I really doubt I will be receiving much help when it comes to cleaning up the kitchen after meals and doubt that it will even cross the wife's mind to help out with the food. I do know she will be quite vocal if she feels we are not catering to her food preferences enough, other friends no longer cater for her as she is just never greatful. She has not been grateful of efforts we have made for her in the past, but we still try to do the right thing for her.
Sorry, hope I have made sense, have been harassed the whole time.
Last edited by Astrid; June 23rd, 2009 at 11:47 AM.
: finish half written line
Whenever we have friends staying for an extended time, we usually ask them to pitch in for food. When I do the groceries, I either ask for the money upfront, or have them come with me and pitch in then.
I think it's only fair to ask for something in return while they're staying. It's certainly not rude to do so.
Even when we stay with friends for just 1 or 2 nights we still always take something with us. If we get invited for dinner to someones house we take something but thats just me.
SIL however never takes anything anywhere, and if asked to its a effort!!
I dont think its too much to ask at all for some money when staying for a week. Also they should strip beds etc before they leave or at least make them tidy.
I would definately ask for money upfront, or ask them to bring their own food. It is rude of them not to offer money / food! Also, I would not hesitate to ask them to contribute to the kitchen cleaning and dishes while they are there.
Can you suggest that they cook and buy dinner for everyone for a couple of nights, and grab some milk and staples for the house? Even if they got take away, it least it helps out...
We either take something if its only for a night or two, or for when we've stayed a week we give $50, and take them out for dinner.
When we have house guests for more than 2 nights, we definitely hope (hmm, expect... but hope is a good word LOL) for a bit of help especially if we are cooking for them. I wouldn't think it was rude if you asked them, if they didn't offer help. It's hard enough to afford groceries at the best of times, let alone for whole other family!
OMG, as if you'd complain about your friends kitchen!!!!! GEEZ!
If they don't offer anything just say as they are going out the door "oh would you mind grabbing a few things while you're out, I've written down a little list, thanks" pass over the note and then quickly hurry off after the kids lol
why not make chicken spag bol. just use chicken mince its yummy i did it one night by mistake the kids loved it lol
and i dont feel its rude to ask for them to chip in with food costs as they have special dietry needs and requirments and it means changing your weekly routine with food.
i woudl also ask they tidy up their room and keep the house as tidy as it is when they arrive.
also ask the wife to help clean, maybe say im happy to cook if you wash up etc etc
just eb upfront with them and honest from the begining.
maybe give them warning before they arrive then if they arent happy let them pay 200 a night to stay somewhere and then still have to pay for food.
Usually we only have family stay with us (and usually it's us staying over with family) so what we all do is automatically assume that we don't want to be a financial burden... if they stay with us they usually arrive with some basics (nibblies, bread, drinks) and then after they have settled in they might go out and do a grocery shop for things that we don't have (we don't eat red meat) plus because our families go through A LOT of milk the family that stays over makes sure that they buy lots of that themselves. Usually the host family does quite well out of it... my sister always does a shop just before they leave and leaves me with some treats: choccies etc. I do the same when I stay with her. I also tend to buy the "Mother's Helper" (alcoholic drinks) when i I am staying with her... last time it was a bottle of Cointreau... oh and amongst the groceries i bought her I included a tub of Gumption because she had never tried it (it's a cleaning product) plus I scrubbed her sink and stove for her. So I guess we both go a bit out of our way to make sure that we help out the hosting family because we acknowledge that the free accommodation (and use of water/electricity/gas etc) is appreciated.
What I would do, if they don't pitch in, is say; "lets order take away" if they were considerate they would pay for the whole thing... but at the very least they should pay for theirs. Or ask them if there are any grocery items that they need that you don't usually stock... that should prompt them to pay for them. If they don't then I'd cook very cheap meals... saying that money is tight... stock up on sausages instead of steak etc. How awful that you have to worry about this... some people just have no clue do they? Grrrr
ETA: oh and when we go to stay at my sisters place my DH always makes a big fuss about cooking for them in their kitchen... he goes and buys all the ingredients too. Because we have 6 kids between us we can't go out for dinner easily so this is instead of doing that.
Last edited by Bathsheba; June 23rd, 2009 at 12:18 PM.
When we went to stay with my brother a month ago we pitched in.
We payed for all our own food that we needed plus paid for several other lots of groceries.
We paid for petrol.
We paid for everyone to go to the zoo.
We also got them a gift for having us to stay - even though this is my brother and his family. I got them something that i knew they wanted. Spent a fair bit but that is what we wanted to do.
We helped with house work and did our washing plus theirs. Etc etc etc.
It wouldnt matter who we were staying with - we would still pay our way.
I just say "we are paying for that" and dont let them have a say in it.
I dont know how you would ask - we had my SIL's father and his GF stay with us quite a few years ago and SIL promised that her Father and his GF would give us money. Oh man - they stayed for two weeks and didnt give us a cent ! We were going out of our minds - we had to do everything.They are just a really annoying couple. We said they could stay to do SIL a favour cause they didnt have room at their place. Didnt know how to ask them for money ! It was awful. At the time we werent in the financial position to do that either. We REALLY struggled !
I hope your guests just pay for some groceries and you dont have to worry !
Good luck - sorry i havent been able to help.
xxoo
eeek
With the not helping with the tidying I would just be firm with them ie "ok time to wash up - do you want to wash or dry?" "do you want to vacuum in here or sweep the porch?" Kind of like a child offer them choices whilst making sure that the choices are what you want to do.
Most people wil ask at some stage if you want anything so when they do tell them clearly what you want - whether that be some cash or giving them a shopping list.
Our family tradition is taking turns - one person does one night and then the next night it's the next person's turn and so on so it all works out even. Maybe you could just say "ok we've got tonight and you can do tomorrow night".
What a niusance having to think about this - most people are so keen not to be a burden that you end up better off after they leave.
Yep... it's also nice to buy the host family a gift. I don't think it's right to try to get off cheaply... afterall you do want to be invited back. Why do people not always get this?
If I had to ask a family to help out I would but I guess i wouldn't push it.... but I would NEVER invite them back.
ETA: Yep, I like Bron's suggestion of closed choices regarding the cleaning.
you poor thing. What rude friends to have put you in this situation and not even offer to contibute and to seem ungrateful.
I think you need to say to them "RIght we need to go grocery shopping, do you want to give me some money and I'll get it or do you want to come with and we can go halves?"
Even when we stay we family, we always pay for our own meals if we go out to a restaurant and will often shout them as a thankyou. Alot of times they dont accept but it is nice to be offer.
Let them know your getting ready to have a great week with them.......
Looking forward to your visit, but are you bringing your own food with you, or would you like to go shopping when you get here?? We can do the shopping together!! Dh and I struck a deal that if us ladies cook, the men will clean up!!!
Yep, Bron said it. Just ask what job she wants. Dont let her sit on her a$$ and watch you do it!!!
Thanks ladies - good to know that it is ok to ask for them to contribute.
The husband is fine, he is the one who is more likely to offer to cook and if not then he will probably do a heap of work in the garden again. So I really don't mind the trade off He actually enjoys red meat, so we might have to do a bbq one night so he can eat some. I do know he has offered to take us out one night as thanks for when they stayed, so hopefully that does happen.
It is the wife I am concerned about. DH stayed there one night not long after their holiday in our house. Well she carried on about having to cook, very emabarrassing for the husband who was happy to have him stay. In the end DH went out and bought them takeaway, this was after he had already arrived with a nice bottle of red. Oh and to top if it off, they had left 3 bottles of red at our house. DH did ask the husband over the phone what he wanted done with them and he said to keep them. Well she asked where they were BTW if anyone remembers the BYO etiquette thread, this is who I was referring to.
Ok, thinking I should look on this as an adventure. Might be an amusing post for later
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House guest contributing -was is normal practice
you poor thing. What rude friends to have put you in this situation and not even offer to contibute and to seem ungrateful.
He actually enjoys red meat, so we might have to do a bbq one night so he can eat some. I do know he has offered to take us out one night as thanks for when they stayed, so hopefully that does happen.
BTW if anyone remembers the BYO etiquette thread, this is who I was referring to.
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