I have tears reading your post N2L.
I have felt so guilty since getting pregnant because when I have tried to express my fear no one has 'got it'. I got off lucky in many way, yes it was two years but so far it looks like it has worked. The problem is I fear the good can't last. I'm so use to being told no that I am having trouble accepting this BFP. A positive is that even throwing up into a bag as I find a safe place to pull the car over has been met with excitement but I am saddened that the few people I have told the news hasn't come out like I had hoped (I'm pregnant, but don't get excited). Because of this I can only assume that those with deeper scars must struggle so much and it must be so hard when those around them expect happiness and excitement, but fear and anxiety are stronger. Trusting your body after such an experience is difficult.
The trauma of ltttc is often brushed over and feelings are not validated. It is an uncomfortable topic and unless you have walked the path I think it is impossible to understand the grief, fear, anger and a multitude of other emotions that are experienced (generally within one cycle). An innocence is taken when falling pregnant naturally doesn't happen.