I was a lucky one who eventually got pregnant, but realise now I didn't make the most of my pregnancy because I failed to believe it was actually happening and we would be parents. I think it was when I went back to work that I finally realised DS was here to stay. Up until then I just felt like I needed to protect myself and didn't really think he was here to stay. I was (and still am) making the most of being with DS but kind of felt like it wasn't real and was only a temporary arrangement. I guess it stems from not feeling worthy of being a mother, or growing more certain as time went on that it wouldn't happen, since we had to fight so hard against "mother nature" to get him. I know this probably doesn't make much sense; I don't think I'm articulating myself well, but it's how LLTTC and a miscarriage has effected me.