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Thread: IVF Barbie

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2004

    Default IVF Barbie

    IVF Barbie
    When Mattel were looking to design their new Barbie, IVF Barbie, they soon realized that there was not one universal Barbie that would accurately portray the spirit of IVF Barbie. So they decided they would come out with a few variations thereof.

    Newbie Barbie:
    Newbie Barbie, also known as BabyDust Barbie is a bright, perky, Barbie, filled with optimism and confidence that IVF Will Work. She is thinner and usually younger than the other IVF Barbies. Her accessories include rose-tinted spectacles, a positive bank balance, healthy insurance coverage and a million questions. Newbie Barbie has lots of other Newbie Barbie friends and they congratulate each other on a job well done. This Barbie only says pleasant, optimistic things and believes that Attitude is Everything. Their motto is Think Positive!!

    Pregnant Newbie Barbie:
    Pregnant Newbie Barbie is the big sister to Newbie Barbie. She is still slim, now with a cute belly. She is proof that IVF Does Work, usually the first time. She also comes with rose-tinted spectacles, a positive bank balance (only very slightly depleted) and total confidence that All Will Be OK. She glows when pregnant and liberally uses baby dust when playing with her sisters, the Newbie Barbies. She comes with Very Cute maternity clothes, a double stroller, and a fully decorated nursery even though she is only just a few weeks pregnant. Her motto is ‘See! Thinking Positive Works!!’. Newbie Barbie and Pregnant Newbie Barbies are great playmates and you can collect them as a set.

    Joiner Barbie:
    Joiner Barbie is cousin to Newbie Barbie and Pregnant Newbie Barbie. Joiner Barbie comes with a group of friends just like her, and this group calls themselves by the name of a furry animal or has reference to a season. Think Spring Blossoms or Bubbly Bunnies. Accessories include a chart or table of some sorts, lots of smiley faces, baby dust (a glitter-like tub of ground up positive attitude that apparently has the power of hocus pocus to make one pg), declarations of eternal friendship and love and lots of ((((hugs)))).

    Veteran Barbie:
    Veteran Barbies are not at all related to the Barbies above. Veteran Barbies are the Anti-Barbie. They are a whole lot plumper than the Newbie Barbies, less perky (in boobs and attitude), have grayer hair, a largely negative and over-drawn bank balance, plenty of bruises and marks and a slightly cynical attitude. They are dressed in comfy track pants with elasticated waistbands. Their accessories include a wealth of knowledge of reproductive procedures and protocol, the ability to practically do their own cycle, a snarky attitude, little tolerance for stupidity, a well defined sense of humor, the ability to laugh at themselves, a fondness for wine/beer/crack and a aversion to pineapple, baby dust and Newbie Barbies. This aversion in its more severe form can be allergic and acerbic. Veteran Barbies tend to swear quite a bit (especially when playing in the Barbie House with Newbie Barbies and Pregnant Newbie Barbies) and parental guidance is advised.

    Pregnant Veteran Barbie:
    Very similar to Veteran Barbie, only now with an added dose of neuroses and paranoia. Continuously and obsessively over-analyses every twinge, convinced that the end is nigh. Only buys stroller and decorates nursery when in eighth month. Accessories include disbelief and a sense of not quite belonging, and 10 home pregnancy tests just in case the first one was faulty or the clinic made a mistake with her beta. Pregnant Veteran Barbies have been known to pee on the sticks up until the day before giving birth just to see the two lines.

    Celebrity IVF Barbie:
    Celeb Barbie comes in two versions: Denial Celeb Barbie and Out the Closet IVF Barbie. Denial Celeb Barbie does not play with the other Barbies and pretends not to be an IVF Barbie at all. She drops the IVF part of her name and thinks 'Donor Eggs' is aswear word. She pretends that her twins at age 49 are Natural and she did it all On Her Own. She also claims her boobs are her own and that she has never had a face life, hence her credibility is not at an all time high. Out the Closet IVF Barbie is the preferred Barbie. We like her.

    IVF Ken:
    Ken is a ****er. Sorry to sound so harsh, but besides being a ****er there is very little that Ken does in IVF land. Sometimes Ken administers shots, hands out tissues and occasionally accompanies the Barbies to their Dr’s visits (normally during the first few cycles only), but mostly he is just a ****er. If you choose an IVF Ken, then try and get one that also cooks or does DIY. Otherwise just sit him down in front of your Barbie TV and let him know when it is time for him to do his, um, contribution. Mostly the Barbies love their Kens, unless Ken is being particularly insensitive or obnoxious, then he becomes a ****er in all senses of the word. Some IVF Barbies don’t even have a Ken and they do just fine. If you do find a good Ken, hang on to him, don’t swap him with your other friends.

    RE Ken:
    RE Ken is the all knowing, all seeing Ken. He might be a ****er, or not, but here we are talking about being a ****er in the figurative sense. He could also be very nice. He may call you by your first name but you may only call him Doctor. His accessories are many and wonderful. He comes with a zooty new car (normally very expensive), a smart house, a very healthy bank balance and a holiday home or two. RE Ken knows every thing and is considered second only to God. Some RE Kens are kind, some are not. They are all rich. Ken’s office is filled with fun toys like ultra sound machines, dildo like probes, waiting rooms filled with the different types of Barbies (some annoyingly come with miniature Barbies or Kens en tow), medicines, procedures rooms etc. RE Ken also comes with a free Nurse (Ratchet) Barbie, who will not return your calls, will hand out annoying platitudes and generally add to your frustration levels. When purchasing RE Ken you will get Ultrasound Ken and BloodDrawer Ken. Unfortunately they come as a package deal and you are not able to get RE Ken without them, they aren’t as much fun. However, you will need a RE Ken if you are going to play the IVF Barbie game.

    Mattel foresee a big demand for these Barbies and say that for extra fun and lively interaction, collect the full set of IVF Barbies, put them in the Barbie house together and see the sparks fly.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Feb 2005


    How did I miss this?
    Had me laughing big time.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Aug 2005


    =D> It's still funny every time I read it.
    Actually, in all seriousness, I gave it to a couple of colleagues with whom I have to work quite closely after my last cycle failed. I explained that in 1995 I was Newbie Barbie - without a doubt this would work. First go.
    By 2005 - definitely a Veteran Barbie through and through. 10 years of the 'scientific' approach without success. Hrmph!! Ripped Off!!! Might sound strange, but it actually gave them a tiny bit of an understanding of things.
    Thanks for posting it Sheree.
    Leis, hope your appointment went well. Yes, I am going to Anzac Cove, I'll be there on 16th September. The day before my 44th birthday. I'll be in Troy for that. :-k Wonder if there are any soldiers hidden in that wooden horse these days....
    Hi to everyone else.
    167 sleeps 'til up up and away

  4. #4
    skyelar Guest


    :chairfall: That was great!!!

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2004


    hee hee heee now I can categorise myself... although might they be considering adding a transition barbie - where you are in that inbetween phase from newbie barbie to veteran barbie - where you still hold hope (for some bizarre reason) yet you regularly look around for a fork to poke yourself in the eye when you come across pregnant barbies!

  6. #6


    LOL about the Barbies, that is way to funny.

    Thanks SuziQ the appointment went well, although I have made the decision to have the bowel resection. I just want all of this endo out of my body....I think i go in on the 27th May... I could of gone in in april but i need time to recover from the previous op in late feb. Dr Cooper is quietly confident that we will get the end result, but they still don't say a great deal, i guess endo is such an unknown thing...

    Dr Cooper will be head surgeon again, with colo rectal surgeon Dr Matt Morgan... plus the assistant .... so another HUGE bloomin medical expense, but each day I am soooo grateful that DH and I are in a good financial position to be able to afford the best...

    I got my period today and it just snuck up.. no pain... i think with the herbs and the majority of endo removed... it has just made a huge difference i feel so good within myself too.

    I think i need to go back to the energetic healer... i think my visit with her would be so very different this time around...

    I hope everyone is ok.. take care ...

    love and hugs

    leis xx

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    in the valley of cuddles with mountains of smiles


    thanks Magic
    I saw a shorter version of this (I think) somewhere a while back .

    Recently , I saw some ladies on another IVF forum talking about this and some (newbies) were very upset and offended by the poster - though most can see it is tongue in cheek - cheeky and meant to give bring humour not grief. Helps to lighten the harshness of IVF rollercoaster I think to laugh a little.

    I can't categorize myself - need a few in betweenie transistion ones I think like Keen said ... except not poking ourselves in the eye but others.

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