A belated thank you

[Acacia]

Seph,

I haven't followed your journey (for much the same reason as you talk about, as I'll explain) but I'm so glad to hear that you're overcoming the effects of your AC treatment and starting to enjoy your pregnancy - I wish you a very happy and uneventful rest of your pregnancy before your have your LO in your arms.

I just wanted to post because much of what you wrote is me all over too.

When I got pregnant after our 4th treatment cycle (2 stims and 2 FETs) the only place I frequented was PregALTTTC, and I couldn't bring myself to contribute to the LTTTC&AC threads at all, let alone look at them. Part of it was guilt that I was forging on ahead and others that I cared for and knew how hard they were struggling in their own journeys I was leaving behind. And part of it was that the effects of our journey to get pregnant were so debilitating for me personally that I couldn't function properly enough in myself to think that I had anything to offer anyone in the LTTTC&AC threads any more.

I too was diagnosed with AND&A (not until 26 weeks into my pregnancy) but after a scare 7 weeks in, the elation of finally being pregnant quickly wore off - it was ever there in the first place - and I was left feeling petrified, alone in my journey much of the time (thank God for the Preg&LTTTC thread). And yes, it was more terrifying for me than my TTC journey, by far.

But... I wanted to say that despite continuing to battle with anxiety and depression throughout my pregnancy and into first year of my baby's life (now I have been diagnosed with an underlying long term mental illness - so it's not all about my TTC journey in isolation, even though it is the cause of my symptoms now), my journey will always be hard to think about, but what I have been through has strengthened me, and made me realise that I have so much to offer those who are still going in their journey - not the least of which is HOPE.

And I wanted to say that this is what you are offering to others here in the threads, even if you are not here writing and answering posts. HOPE. People see your journey and what you have been through and can relate to it, relate to what you've been through and what you're going through now, and feel that they are not alone, and that their turn will come.

And in time, as I did, when I came to realise what my journey can symbolise for others, I have felt more and more able to talk about my TTC and pregnancy journey and have started contributing to threads here in the LTTTC&AC section from time to time. And I think in time, when things are less raw, when you have developed your relationship with your baby and it helps to heal some of the raw emotion of what you went through, you may feel the same.

I'm very happy to hear that you have received much support and help for your AND&A and that you are feeling on top of things. Your post is a beautiful one, and I think many people will appreciate what you have said, even if they are not able to write words back to you. I hope the second half of your pregnancy is filled with wonder, joy and expectation of things to come and that the time to have your precious baby in your arms is soon over.

If you ever want someone to talk to about AND/PND&A I'm always a PM away And this offer stands for anyone here in the threads that would like to speak to someone else who has been anxious and depressed during and after their journey to become pregnant after LTTTC&AC, of course!

Acacia