Good on you Velociraptor. I haven't been through the TTC/IVF journey that you have but I have had relationship difficulties so here's what helped us. Often when one person wants to talk, it's the last thing the other person wants to do especially if you've had a day/night when you're feeling a bit narky with each other. So we ask each other - when would be a good time? That way, we're not discussing things on the hop and we both have time to chew through our thoughts before discussing them face-to-face. When things have been really bad between us, we sometimes use email too! I know it sounds dumb but having the option to write down your thoughts sometimes gives each person a chance to say everything they want to say too which is not always possible when you're talking face-to-face.

Also, it's easy for women to misconstrue their partner's desire to cuddle. Often we see it as a ploy as a precursor to sex - and if we think it's automatically going to lead there, then we'll turn down the cuddle. I don't know if this is your situation but sometimes we need reassurance that a cuddle can just be a cuddle for the closeness and a demonstration of affection etc.

Finally, have fun doing stuff together - it always helps just to have a change of physical environment - going out for the day or the evening. We can start to associate our home environment with tension/arguments so it helps to get away from that, even for an hour.

My DP and I do much better at working stuff out when we're in the pub rather than sitting in our own living room!

Good luck - sounds like things are on the up and up. Be gentle with yourselves. It's very easy to lose heart but if you get through a difficult situation, you will both feel unbeatable! And that's the best feeling.