Friends and Family Supporting LTTTCers

[sushee]

I personally would be incredibly touched by an acknowledgement of my mothering of a foster child, despite being LTTTC. A mother comes in many forms, and I believe that is one of them.

But that's my personal opinion.

[infinity]

Head Poncho this sounds like a lovely thing to do. Personally being a LTTTC and the pain of missing out on all those little things that come with being a mother it would be wonderful to receive something as 'normal' as a mothers day card IKYWIM? Your friend is a mother to this child and for you to acknoweldge that will probably mean a lot to her. I do not think in any way are being insensitive to her infertility.

[Tegam]

A mother comes in many forms, and I believe that is one of them..

Id send her the card!

You are a good friend to think of this

[Poncho]

Thanks heaps guys. xo

[Maruschke]

I have a question for the LTTTC'ers. I understand that there probably isnt a uniform response to this question but...

I find the scientific aspect of IVF fascinating. It is hurtful or annoying when people ask you questions about IVF (but not about your cycle in particular). So I am not asking them how their cycle went or where they are up to, but just general questions that I had no idea about, such as...

When they do an ET, can they implant it straight into the lining (I now know that they don't).

It's not like I just come out of the blue and ask these kind of questions, I try to remain sensitive and only ask when I think that they are comfortable, but sometimes I hope that the question doesn't come across the wrong way.

[sushee]

Some people are more comfortable talking about it than others. I am very open about it and will bombard any stranger who asks with every TMI detail I bet they didn't want to know!

I suggest taking the person's cue. Perhaps say something like 'I really know nothing about IVF, but would love to learn more about it' and see if they volunteer information?

[Maruschke]

Good idea. I guess I try to do that already, but was curious about how people felt about it. Thanks Sushee .

[briggsy's girl]

oscar - i'm another like Sushee that will give people details if they ask. i tend to find it takes the stigma of infertility away if i'm open about it... it does't seem so scary (for me or for them) if i talk in facts about what happens. i did this with the BIG boss at work when i was negotiating changing hours to fit treatment and things - he asked, i said "how much detail do you want?" and then gave it to him as it was.

some people find talking about the process hard - for some, it's based on it being their earlier cycles and they themselves are still learning - for others, it's something they choose not to discuss as it makes it more public - and then there are those of us that just figure that educating people will help them to understand when we're having a bad day and hopefully mean that those bad days aren't made worse by ignorance... it just means they get it a little more and don't hold it against me if i'm in a different headspace...

[Tegam]

I find the scientific aspect of IVF fascinating.

Im with you! I am learning heaps here on BB and think that atleast this way only those that want to talk will answer

I find it hard to talk about it with my closest friends/family LTTTCers as one day they are open and happy to talk about it, and then another day i feel that i have totally said the wrong thing. Even if it is continuing a conversation that they started.

[sushee]

I'll be the first to admit that when I was right in the middle of it, I had good days and bad days too. Very bad, very dark days, in fact. The longer I was TTC, the more of those days I had too. Days when I not only didn't want to talk about my cycles, I didn't want to talk, period. Not about anything. Not to anyone.

It was such a difficult thing, being infertile. It still is, despite me having 'graduated' over 3 years ago, and having no desire to have more children. Sometimes there is nothing you can do or nothing you can say that will be okay to someone going through this, and that's the honest truth. There is no magic set of words that will be 'just right'. Sometimes no such words even exist.

The best advice I can give when you find yourself in that position is to not take it to heart if you can. I know it's hard and it's awfully confusing and difficult for you to be put in that position. But the only way I can explain it is that the sadness is so consuming sometimes, it's hard for an LTTTC to be 'polite' and smile and talk naturally when all they feel is despair. Just know that they need their space, and they will return to you when they feel better. And that in the back of the minds, they appreciate the good friend you are simply for understanding.

hun. And you ARE a good friend.