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Thread: help for a friend

  1. #1

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    Default help for a friend

    HI everyone!
    I have a good friend who has been trying to fall pregnant for over a year now. She has tried alot of things and is now under natropath care and has been told she' s lacking in prostegon (sorry if wrong). Anyway, Ive told her about BB and the wonderful support, but she only has access to computer at work, and is too busy, and under watchful eye!
    She rang last night andwas reallly uspet and depressed. She has alot of people telling her to "get a grip", "get over it", "don't be selfish" etc. I was amazed, as I know what it's like to try and 1 month is like forever let alone a year. She is 33 and has no other children.
    I thought maybe some of you could write some messages for her, or tell her your story or just some ideas that she could try, and then I could send it on to her. I don't really know what else to do for her. She is so lovely and isn't getting much support elsewhere.
    Thank you so much and good luck to everyone TTC. xoxoxoo


  2. #2

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    Feb 2005
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    Default

    Hi Meg,

    I think you are offering great support to her as a friend and I'm sure she appreciates it. It is true that fertility problems can make you feel very isolated because nobody talks about it. Unless of course you are fortunate enough to find a community somewhere, whether online or IRL.

    If she's been trying for over a year now, it might be worth seeing a doctor. I am not sure what tests the naturopath has done if any but the GP can do some very basic ones just to check whether she is ovulating etc. The doctor can also do a sperm test for DH (which is helpful just to rule things out in that regard but you never know).

    There is an organisation called Access which provides support for people experiencing infertility. I would be careful how I mention it to her though (or even if I would mention it all) as I am not sure whether she would be offended. Probably it is more for your information at this point and you can decide whether to bring it up or not should the opportunity arise. Access can offer support and friendship either online, over the phone or whatever. I am still a member of it myself and I know it helped me. Their website is easy to find by typing that name into a search engine (can't post it here for obvious reasons).

    Regards,

    Mel

  3. #3

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    Default

    Hi Meg,

    TTC long term can honestly be such an isolating experience. Just having someone to talk to and who will listen is half the battle. I think it is great that she has you to be able to talk to. And support her.

    Everyone deals with things differently. So what will help one, doesnt mean will help another. IYKWIM dont mind writing to her if she wants that. Talk it over with her than you can Pm me to exchange info. I also recomend that she picks up a few books to read. There is so many she can choose from. Most book shops have a selection but if they dont I can also find some titles for her to order in. Again only if she feels that is what she want to do.

    I too like Mel, think that joining Access is a great idea.

    I hope that helps

  4. #4
    Sal Guest

    Default

    Hi Meg, I think that only women (and men) who have had fertility problems truly understand what it feels like, so unfortunately that ignorant attitude your friend is experiencing is typical

    At age 33 I wouldn't put all my faith in a naturopath (who probably has no scientific basis for saying low progesterone is the problem). I would suggest that she (and her partner) get some tests done through a fertility specialist (scary I know but GPs don't cut the mustard in this arena, nor do ordinary OB/GYNs).

    Good luck!

  5. #5

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    Sal is right ... not all gynaecologists are fertility specialists. Look for someone who has the CREI accreditation (reproductive endocrinology). Your friend's GP can organise a referral.

  6. #6

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    Thanks for the info guys, it's great. I have told her about Access! She is also going to see a counsellor at work, who amazingly specialises in fertility!! So she could'nt be seeing a better counsellor! I have passed on what you've all said. Thank you again. i will let you know if there's any good news soon. I certainly hope so. I will also encourage her to invest in a home computer. She doesn't realise how invaluable BB will be on her journey!
    xoxo

  7. #7

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    I think your friend seeing a counceller is a great step. I also agree that she should see a FS. But I know myself I had to do the nathopath first. Could not move onto IVF until I was ready.
    The best support I have ever recieved is here on BB. I am so glad I found this site, it really helps with the whole TTC journey.
    Wishing her the best of luck.
    XXX

  8. #8

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    Thanks guys!! I think it's important she gives her natropath the two months she suggestted, you never know. I know it worked for another friend. However, I have advised her not to wait too long for natropath results. If it didn't work over the two months, to move on to a specialist. Anyway, she's looking up access today and says a big thank you. It must be so isolating for her having no one to talk to . Just so wish she could get on BB!! xoxo

  9. #9
    Sal Guest

    Default

    Meg, your friend needs to be aware that it is just as likely to be her partner's problem (if there indeed a problem) as it is hers. Is her partner seeing a naturpath as well?

    Anyway, hopefully they won't need to have tests done but if they do, both of them need to be tested. Just telling you this, as some GYNs (the ones who aren't really fertility specialists) just treat the woman and forget that the man might have the problem, or the man has a problem as well as the woman.

  10. #10

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    Meg
    I second Sal's comments. My DH had previously 'fathered' so we assumed there was no problem on his end of things. Boy did we get a surprise when I was eventually told IVF was my only option and the semen test became mandatory. His sperm picture was terrible! Turned out his penchant for hot baths every night during winter was doing terrible things downstairs!

    At 33 it does take longer to conceive but after 12 months of trying it is time to see a FS. Even to just get a diagnosis that you can go back to a naturopath with. And it is important to also let your friend know that IVF is not automatic. There are a whole range of other things they do first - starting with something as simple as ovulation tracking. I have a friend who concieved two children on the first tracking cycle each time! She thought she knew when she ovulated and she was just wrong! She got progesterone support as part of her tracking as well. SHe has two lovely children now - with just the tiniest bit of help.

    Kar

  11. #11

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    Im not totally sure about her partner, if he's been tested. But maybe they're going with the theory that he has fathered before (10 years ago) so it may not be him. I will run it by her.
    thanks guys xo

  12. #12

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    Default

    Meg I have nothing further to add, but just wanted to say again that you are being a great help to your friend. You may not know it yet, but I'm sure she appreciates everything you are doing for her.

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