Hi Everyone,

Rols - Yippppppeeeeeee! Big hugs. Congrats on your follies. Champion effort by both you guys. So happy for you both. Transfer soon?

Shelly - Congrats on the big 17. Wow, awesome achievement. Rest up & get relaxed for transfer.

Sonja - been missing you as I have been MIA. Hope you are feeling ok.

Chez - take it easy sweet.

Me - Sorry no posts. I have been looking in on you all & missing you ever so much but I have been very upset for the last month & a bit & not able to even write (its even hard now). Last perfect blastie escaped before I even had my BT for HCG (didnt even take). Was so, so upset. I have lost others & never hit the wall as hard. I sobbed big heart wretching sobs that I felt deep down in my soul & didnt stop for days and days. I have perfected the art of grieving and its getting worse. DH woke me crying in my sleep, I dragged myself to work sobbing at the slightest thing. I refused to speak to anyone & felt a deep rooted feeling of being ripped off. I still feel that way but am so trying to look forward to the next one. It sickens me trying to get excited about another eventual loss. Does my head in! I am usually so positive but after the last one somthing changed. DH keeps calling blasties "Penelope". He likes that name & I now hate it. I told him I have now lost 8 "Penelope's" & he needs to find another name or another wife. No, Im not on any meds. Im going to have a natural cycle. Maybe I need meds. God has to bless us, he just has to.

Last week I had a hysteroscope & got very good results. No fibroids, polyps etc. Have been seeing AF for a week now & wish she wld P*** off. I still hate her with a passion.

I am going under general aesthetic on 29th to have another transfer. Prof said general will stop me contracting afterwards (which I do for quite some time out of shock, not cos I like it). He also told DH that Ineed to go somewhere "quiet" for a week. DH going to US & is sending me away with Mother for some R&R. I leave on 31st August to health retreat. Ahhhhhhh cant wait. Hoping mother doesnt drive me insane. She can be so very helpful it annoys me.

Thinking of you all and hoping sincerely that all goes to plan for you guys.

Thanks for being here with hearts open.

Take Care