CD 1 for me today

truly this ttc should not be so bloody hard. I lost 10kg's but to get to the weight where i fell pg with ds 3 i really need to lose 4 - 5 kg's
and honestly do you think i can find the motivation not on your life which is really making me cranky with myself cause i just want to fall pg
i dont think i could cope with waiting another 3 years to fall besides that i will be too old in 3 years, anyone got some motivation tips for me
i really need them cause chocolate looks really good at the moment