just wanted to share

[Rach75]

although I have secondary infertility 2 pg natural (both losses) 3 pg (clomid assisted 2 losses 1 sucessful)

a friend emailed me this verse so perfect especially the part in bold

What do I think God meant when He gave me infertility?

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"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." Of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."

[slyder]

Rach, thanks for posting. Even though this is not my belief at all, I really think that Butterfly Warrior will get some value out of this given a discussion that was had recently. So good on you, I reckon this will help other members in various ways too.

[LisaC]

Thanks Rach for posting this.... It couldn't have come at a better time... It IS perfect and really brings home the truth about what we feel, how we cope and what we face day in day out....

Thanks again

[krisp]

Rach, this is just beautiful.

Even though my DS and DD to be were conceived naturally my angel baby was taken from me due to a diagnosis of breast cancer and the need for chemo. When I finally fell pregnant and had my DS in my arms almost 3 years later it was exactly that - the most wonderful thing ever and the most most refreshing drink I'd ever known. The longing and the needing were over. It was like a dam bursting...

[butterfly_warrior]

Rachel, thank you so very much.

As Slyder mentioned, I've been contemplating similar things myself... wondering how it can fit into God's plan for us to not only have difficulty getting pregnant and needing to go through IVF, but then losing two babies so far. We know that it's not only going to be difficult to get pregnant, it's going to be difficult for me to stay pregnant.

I've seen small glimpses of the strength and compassion this journey is bringing about in me. I've seen in great detail just how this is drawing my husband and myself closer together, strengthening our relationship...

Thank you for showing me that there is a point to continuing on this journey, that I am thinking in the right directions.

It is difficult to explain why we continue to fight when apparently well-meaning family and friends suggest that we give up, adopt, move on, whatever. My answer to them is that we have had two IVF transfers, and both were successful. Sure, we miscarried both, but we know a reason for one (the other is too recent, too early and we will probably never know) and have a treatment plan to prevent it happening again - why would we give up now? There's so much hope.

This is one of those threads that I'll look back at for the strength to continue on when it all seems too much.

BW

[Rach75]

I am so glad it touched some of you

[Peta]

Thanks Rachel, this is lovely.

[CeCe]

Thanks Rach,

I recently finished my 3rd unsuccessful cycle and at the end of that I really was questioning if I was 'fighting fate' and it I should just accept it that it may not be meant for me however much I want it. I think I'll print out what you posted and keep with all my IVF info to read at those times when I'm doubting myself and what I'm doing.

[Acacia]

Hi Rach,
I've just started IVF this month for the first time and I'm new at BB, and it's hard to know what's going to happen and the unknowns on how it will all go are a bit scary. But this puts it all in perspective, especially hearing stories of what other people are going through.
I really appreciate hearing it Thanks