Evening girls,

I'd better post before I disintegrate because I can feel myself fraying around the edges as we speak.

The least unfortunate part of today was that the pregnancy test wasn't negative and it wasn't positive. Sally, the MIVF nurse, explained that they look for a level of at least 100. Mine was 75. She has booked me another blood test on Friday when we will know more clearly whether the levels are going up or not. So I guess I'm in limbo land at this point.

Spent today taking Pusster to the vet and going to the DES clinic. I have to go back for a pap smear in six weeks because there was too much progesterone cream up there and it might have given inconclusive results. The good news though is that it is only possible that I may have been DES exposed and at the very least all it means is a special pap smear once a year for life so that isn't too much to worry about.

Much less good news for Pusster who had some rehydration this morning. After some discussion with his usual vet and the palliative care vet, I've had to set a date for euthanasia and at this stage it's looking like being tomorrow night. It all seems so unreal and I hate the thought of it but I don't know what choice I have. As much as I love him I have to let him go but why oh why did it have to be NOW?

Sorry to ramble on and hog the whole post with my dramas. I will try to post tomorrow and see how everyone is doing ... I am planning on staying home and spending the day with Pusster. Thank God I'm the only one who knows what's coming. I just hope I have the strength to get through it without losing the plot completely.

Thinking of you all (though you could be forgiven for believing otherwise)

Mel