Emma - I did tell a couple of people at the beginning when I was doing a cycle, but like someone else said - it's just too hard to disappoint them when it fails - having said that most recently I have started telling more people that we have been "trying for 2 1/2 years" and it has been really good to let people know that this is the terrible journey I am going on. I don't always say we are doing IVF, although if someone asks I would say yes.
It's just got too hard and lonesome to be doing this alone. I don't want to talk about all the details in fact, I have purposely told my mum and my best friend that we are having a break... to lose weight.... because they ask questions and I don't want everyone to know all the ins and outs... but I can't cope feeling like I have to be strong for people all the time, and it's really hard.
Actually my psychologist made a good point last time I saw her - I need people to look after me at the moment. I have spent so much of my life caring and looking after everyone else - being the "good listener" the one who always has an answer and understands from everyone elses point of view - and I can't do it at the moment.
I told my sister in law last week - and she was absolutely beautiful, she leant over when I was crying, and just hugged and hugged me. I am tearing up just thinking about it. I just need people to care, and it does feel like my mum and BF, whom I DID tell originally, aren't there for me at the moment - probably cause they don't know what to do. But the best thing one of my other friends who know does - is every couple of months she emails or texts me saying "just wanted to tell you I was thinking about you and available if you need to chat... or not... either way is okay. I hope you are okay"
It's like she puts no pressure on me, but lets me know that she is thinking about what is going on.
think I went off on a tangent... again!!
as for CM..... when doing a stim - I can't tell any difference because crinone gets in the way.... so glad to have pregnyl next time! it holds off AF for a longer... so I don't know if it's a BFN as early - but sticking some crap up my clacker every day sucks....
N2L.... TBH, I don't know I think I have a time frame in my head rather than a number of cycles.... I think we will keep going for another 5 years.... but that's an awful lot of cycles.....
I know that DH keeps saying, we will just keep going until it happens... lets hope I'm not one of the ones it never happens for.
I think I have a time frame in my head rather than a number of cycles.... I think we will keep going for another 5 years.... but that's an awful lot of cycles..... 
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