Hi All,
I am so unsettled today hope you dont mind a bit of a rant.
I was going to have a really busy day today which would have been great to take my mind off of things but instead I'm stuck in the office and not feeling it today.
I was a sobbing mess last night DF went to be without saying goodnight I'm a big MasterChef fan (sad) and he don't enjoy it so he watches TV in bed and din't even say goodnight before turning in. He was pretty supportive when I was sobbing and just cuddled for ages.
I had a feeling this morning that it was too early for POAS even though it's an "early tester" last time I waited for the day before. I thought about not doing it but with the silly crying I though "I must be" and then the big let down now means I feel worse.
I keep going through the worst case scenario in my head as I normally do to make sure I can handle it. Don't get me wrong I am so greatful for DS he is a joy but when I think about this being it, no more FE no more trying DF feels he's too old and I'm not going to force him, I feel so sad.
I just wish we could know from day dot, yep or nope.
I almost caved and had a coffee to but didn't just in case. Not a good day in my world.
My POAS this time was so faint that I could barely see it both days before BT. I thought it was a neg but my BT HCG at 166.8. The m/c I had in July I tested 16 dpo and it was as dark as the second line and came up straight away. My HCG then was 678. Not too sure if that helps. I think each stick is different too even if same brands. Also depends on what time of day, how much you have had to drink. A line is a line. Call today for a BT. My clinic will do them early once I say I have a pos POAS. I think its worse to stess.
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