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Thanks Kimbe ;> Will do !!!
Got my Blastie results in the mail today, out of the 18 we had still growing, 12 were frozen at Blasty, so I am totally thrilled!! So now we have 13 snow babies!
Hope everyone is doing ok, I'm still cramping/twingy, then cramping more...'sigh', 4dp4dt today, almost tomorrow though!! XXXXXX
Have a great weekend all X Mwah!
Congratulations Murraycod! 13 embryos to freeze is fantastic! I hope you get the family you want from them.
I've got 5 more sleeps until my blood test and am so tempted to POAS. I've been worried these least couple of days because after some earlier cramping, I don't seem to have any symptoms now. I keep reading over KitKat72's post though to feel better as she said she didn't have any either. It's just that I've only ever had one stim cycle before and the crinone then gave me all sorts of symptoms so it feels unusual now to have nothing (oh- except the headaches but I hardly think they're a sign of pregnancy) Still- I'm going to try to resist after last time where the home test gave me a BFP which turned out to be chemical pregnancy. I do not want that again!
It's in the bathroom drawer, maybe I should throw it away.
Hello to all the other ladies waiting. Hope you're all keeping busy and not thinking about this too much (yeah right!). Is anyone else going for their blood test this Thursday?
Maggie
Hi ladies,
I hope you don't mind if I jump in here (I told you I'd be lurking!), but Murrarycod, I just wanted to congratulate you on your fantastic result with the frozen embies. That is great news!
Also, Maggie, just wanted to confirm that I originally had symptoms just like yours (cramping and, yes, headaches), then they went away at some point a few days before my BT, which got me really worried and down, so I can totally empathize with you. There is nothing worse than this period in the TWW when you still have a good number of days to go, it's too early to POAS reliably even if you wanted to (and I can understand why you don't want to), and the signs and symptoms that were sustaining you seem to have gone away. In my case, like you, I had the period of no symptoms at a similar point in my TWW. What you should look for, however, if your body is like mine (keeping in mind that we're all different so it might be that you could have your BFP without having any symptoms at all), is a return of symptoms right before your BT. For example, for me, after having a few days of nothing, the day before my BT, after I had succumbed and peed on a stick because I was so convinced I was not pregnant and just wanted the proof so I could have a glass of wine, I had some mild cramping, headaches and very very mild queasiness (so mild that I wasn't sure if it was all in my head) returned. So yes, the headaches could possibly be a PG symptom. For me, I have to say that I found the cramping probably to be my most significant symptom, because once it came back, it stayed in varying degrees: some days stronger with throbbing pain alternating with a stabbing feeling on the sides, and sometimes just a mild "buzz" down in the uterine area similar to what I felt when I was taking my stim drugs (did any of you have that, where you could feel something "happening" down there while you were stimming?). The "something's happening down there" feeling, once it started, stayed for about 2 weeks but now seems to have gone again. However my last BT 2 days ago was good so I'm assuming that there's nothing wrong with the fact that I don't feel anything any more. Again, perhaps that's just additional proof that the presence or absence of symptoms at any particular time is not all that meaningful. So I really hope you don't get too down. (((Hugs)))
Praying that you all get your BFPs this cycle,
Kitkat72
Hey ladies, just wanted to back up KitKat on this one - EVERY body is different, so regardless of the books telling you that you should have this symptom or that symptom, just ride it out as you never know. I had zero symptoms and got a BFP. I'm 10.5weeks (yes, the 0.5 really does count!) and if the FS hadn't given me my results and if I hadn't gone in for a couple of internal scans I still wouldn't know that I was pregnant. I don't have sore boobs, they are certainly not any bigger (damn!) and I don't have morning sickness.
Just cross your fingers and stay positive, we want to see you all over in the 'Pregnancy after LTTTC' thread.
Oh and Murraycod - Nice cultivating mate!! 13!!!!
Chrissy xx
ps. Trea, my boxer girl Ali (yes, how original to name a boxer after Muhammed Ali) is 12mths old in about a fortnight. Make sure you get lots of sleep whenever you can as that puppy is going to run you raggard but when they look at you with that sad droopy face it makes it all worth it.
Hi ladies
Just wanted to come in quickly and let you know where I'm at I spotted yesterday and have AF today. Spoke to my clinic and the earliest I can test is Tuesday cause I could be one of those women that gets AF but still gets a BFP and I still haven't passed the safe number of todays for implantation I don't hold out much hope but I so hope that the rest of you travel well this month. I will keep you all in my prayers
Hi, I know you probably all don't know me too well, but I feel I need to share and join in. Yes, have read a lot of your posts over the last 6 months, it has given me much support. It's a privelege to share this journey.
thanks KitKat for sharing symptoms and things to look out for with the TWW.
Murraycod - can I ask, why didn't your FS test for NK cells long time ago? Sometimes I think they could be a lot more pro-active with all that stuff.
And hey everyone can you stop talking about POAS, because I can't stop thinking about doing it now. Especially you Kimbe, that's so funny. And such a visual of the shopping toilets, thanks Murraycod. lol. I liked that. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Trea could you please help me with '7DP6DT and 13DPO FET'? does that mean 7 days post pick up and 6 days post transfer = 13 days, I'm not sure, could blastocytes grow out of the uterus up to 7 days? And Trea, I hope your BT gave you want you wanted.
From what I have read the embryo at 2 weeks is actually visible and looks as big as the dot on an 'i'.
Terry - sorry to hear your news, I'd still be holding out for the test on Tues. though :hug::hug:
Dreamrise - some extra sticky vibes for you
One thing I wish I had done when I was pregnant in December was to note when the sore boobs came along in the early stages.I'm trying to remember when I felt the change with my breasts back then. It may have been after the 2WW.??? I so can't remember.
I've had the liberty of having this week off, and have been able to sleep in nicely. I have noticed some pretty vivid dreaming, and I'm sure that's from the progesterone. One morning was dreams about homicide, and I remember that as a side effect when I came off Progesterone one time after a doctor put me on it for another reason a few years ago. Not nice, just so good to wake up.
Nstap - when's your BT?
AFM - Implantation may have happened on wednesday night, as I felt some heavy cramping, after BD, so that would be 5 days after transfer and 7 days after pick up, then I was fine in the morning. bla bla la de da, oh just looking for all the right symptoms. or maybe it was just from BD
Back in December after Progesterone came out in little clumps for about 3-4 weeks after I started it . Gross. Some of it was dark blood stained. So, now I understand that would have been from plantation.
Hey, I wasn't able to do the vote on tickers and signatures. How long do you have to be a LTTCver before they let you vote. Maybe because I haven't had many posts.
As for the phone call after the BT, I don't want to take it alone, so last time I got them to ring my partner, and he told me when I got home from work. Probably want to do the same thing this time.
I'm day 7 after transfer of a 2 day old, 4 cell embryo. My blood test is on Friday 28th.
I'm just wondering why MIVF has transferred on day 2 for me and not waited for blastocyte day 3, 4 or 5. I don't know much about all that.
cheers all
Hi All
BT came back neg as expected with HCG less than 2 but Dr Sacks is adamant he will not let me give up as my body is way too fertile because of the blasts we make...........wish someone would tell my body that!!
OK having a go a personals hope I don't miss anyone and if I do I apologise - am thinking and praying for all of you.
Dreamrise, Nay, CK77 - everything crossed for your BT's.
Terry so sorry to hear AF arrived. It sucks you have to wait till Tuesday as it would be nice to have an answer either way so you can move to the next step either way. Hang in there.
Murraycod - WOOOOOOHOOOO 13 blasts!! That is AWESOME. Hoping for more good news for you with BT.
CK77 - ALI what a GREAT name for a boxer. My SIL has one a couple weeks older than ours called Koster. Our Cabar (short for Cabarita which is the beach I learned to surf at) is nearly 6 months old so we have been there done that with the sleepless nights but thankfully after 3 nights he was all settled in. For a boxer he is really quite calm, but has a wonderful personality which we put down to his breed line. My DH actually couldn't come to Sydney with me for my transfer so picked my girlfriend and I up at the airport and when I opened the car door Cabardog was on the seat! I was so surprised and happy - beats the flowers he normally gets me!!
Kimbe - yep b2b for me which is great so next xfr should be about June 8ish. I did a HPT at 7DP6DT which came up neg so decided to go for BT the next day instead of the scheduled day after. I did have some very light spotting the morning of BT but got full bleed two days later (today). I remember saying to my DH many many years ago that I couldn't keep going to 10 transfers - and voila! here we are. Good luck with your cycle - hope you get your BFP.
Timeforafamily - I had a blast transferred which was frozen at 5days, thawed and then transferred next day so I refer to it as a 6 day old embie. It was a frozen embie transfer (FET) so 7DP6DT means 7 days past 6 day transfer which is 13 days past ovulation. Good luck - hang in there and I hope you get your BFP.
Cheers Trea
KitKat I love you thank you sooo much, I have just about googled everything from 5dp4dt cramping and I am totally starting to loose it! :>
One day I will have mild buzzing cramps, today they are sharp, painfull and nasty AF like. Am totally going nutts!!
I do find hope deep down somewhere in Hormonal Land, but cramping has always just meant AF for me, so I hate the cramps!!!!!
Time4aFmly, I actually read about the NKcell tesing on the net (yes I am a google freak) My FS was not happy to order the test for me, he said I did not 'qualify' for the biopsy unless I had 3 failed IVF blasty transfers, I pretty much told him unless he was willing to pay my IVF bills untill then, gimme the darn test....hence he gave in. He wasn't too bad about it, but a few nurses that organise my stims and scans made me feel like I was going overboard, and sort of made me feel like I was stupid getting the test. Guess they all have eggs on their faces now!
Did you have other embryo's growing?? Mabey they did ET early if you had a low number?? I know Repromed in Mildura Vic, only do 3dt.
CK, thanks honey XX Huggs XX
Maggie, try to hold out with me a few more days before you POAS X I know it's hard. Sending you some of the strength I am lacking XXXXX
I HATE cramping like this. It's just too strong, and not subsiding at all today. Like I have full flow AF.
Hey fellow TWW'ers,
Well I think my time here is up. Don't really understand the notion of Implantation bleed and although what i've got isn't anything like a normal AF (yet!) i think it is going to develop into it. :cry:
Last night, during loo break b4 bed had brown clump but nothing with the wipe, so went to bed devastated and cried myself to sleep (after having a go at DH!). I was expecting to wake to a full bleed (which would be the norm for AF for me) and instead woke to slight red mucous and more clumping with the wipe. Did HPT was BFN (not unexpected), have used panty liner today and had 2-3 pink/red mucous discharge which increases when i go to loo, but not requiring more than the panty liner and i just feel crap. Some slight cramping too as i type at present. AF is technically due tomorrow and i think it's too late since Ov was 09/05 for the IB. My BT isn't until Wed so i don't i will make it there.
Will let you know if it's anything different, but i am resigning myself to the fact that i am a mum to 1 DD and she will never be a big sis. Best of luck to the rest of you...
Sorry no Persi's but feeling very selfish and need to just get it out.
Thanks :)
Kimbe - so sorry to hear AF is rearing her ugly, red head.
Murraycod - hoping your cramping is the good kind.
AFM - went to my nephews 4th bday party today and purposely went late because we find it really hard to hang out for hours with all the parents of the kids asking 'which one is yours?'. Anyway my SIL step mother points at her watch and says 'you were supposed to be at 10am" as soon as we walked in and I have to say I did not react very well and gave her a very sarcastic response of 'well we actually didnt want to be here at 10am given what is happening at the moment'. She apologised and said she didint realise we were having trouble at the moment........whatever trevor!! So just had a few glasses of bubbles with a good friend of mine and settle down a bit.
I feel like I am obsessed with BB and this thread right now as I am just soooooooooooo hoping for some BFP's for your lovely chicks!!
Cheers Trea
Thanks Trea XX Hope you enjoyed your bubbles XXXX Glad your SIL got the point (huggs)
Kimbe, I'm so sorry. I hate this part so much. The beginning of the TWW is so happy, so easy and full of hope, the last bit is horrendouse. I'm not feeling that hopefull either, I try to focus on the good aspects of cramping, but mine just seem to get worse and worse. When I sit they go, but as soon as I stand up, whammo back again with a vengance.
I still have another week of this left, instead of each day gaining hope I'm totally loosing it!!!!! XXXX
Huggs to everyone going though this. I might go off and try invent some sort of pill that can put us in a deep sleep for 2 weeks, become an instant millionare!
Hi Girls,
Just checking in.
Murraycod- I think your cramps may not be all that bad. Hopefully not AF. I wish I felt something going on but no symptoms. (except crying and hating DH at the moment who has no idea what this feels like, has no empathy for the fact that I'm tired and emotional and wants to drag me all over Melbourne so he can continue to have company while he drinks beer... phw.. there. Did I mention that I've been terribly emotional lately?)
Trea- your day sounds tough. Good on you for going. I hope everyone realized that it would have been difficult for you. I would have had the whole bottle of champers if it were me.
All the other ladies: hang in there, two weeks is not so long in the grand scheme of things. Wishing you all the luck the universe has to offer.
Maggie
Hi everyone,
I've had some cramping too... only mild though (thank god) and they come and go. My period would be due tomorrow but I'm on crinone so I think that might stop my period anyway. I'm due for blood test on Wednesdays.
Anyway I just had to come on and share some news... I had a date on Saturday night and then we went out again today and... well I guess you would say we are dating... taking it very slow and being very open about everything. Had a really good talk this afternoon and I explained my fears and she reassured me. We have been friends for around 5 months now. When we first met I was going through my last attempt of donor insemination (I was part way through that 2ww when we went out for dinner the first time). That date I talked alot about my whole journey and she was very supportive. Anyway life got in the way and we lost contact for a while. Met up again and went out as friends a couple of times and she knows I am now going through IVF.
Last night I went to her place for tea. She cooked and we talked till 1.30am. When I finally left she gave me a kiss goodbye and I went home feeling really confused because I really like her but I am happy being on my own. I am ready to have this child on my own... i want to have it on my own as then I know there will be no one to potentially confuse things or hurt me or my baby. I changed alot in my last relationship and lost alot of my inner strength so I am very wary of getting into another - now really isn't the time for it.
Anyway we had a great talk today (I was wondering if some of my emotions were related to the hormones I'm on too) but it was great. We agreed we are going to just take things slow (just kissing no sex) and see what happens. She knows I will find out on Wednesday if I am pregnant and if I'm not I might try again. She says she doesn't want to put any pressure on us to make decisions about the future... that she is happy to just enjoy the journey and if things do develop then she will see how things go... she likes kids. And she thought my 13yr old daughter Ash was a great kid.
It has been a nice distraction from the 2ww. Might have been better if we'd had this date a week ago and then I could have had more of a distraction. I'm hoping that if I get a BFN on Wednesday maybe she will help lift my spirits. :-)
Lori
Started donor search Dec 06, Started donor insemination Jan 09, Started IVF Feb 10. Had 2 day embie transfered on 12 May (1st IVF cycle)
Trea - thanks for the explanantion 7dp6dpt. It seems like you have a really positive doctor, so maybe he may have the right ticket next time around.
Murraycod - Cramping sucks. Hang in there as it's not over til the fat lady sing and I'll be first on the list to buy your TWW pill. I just keep thinking about the stories of "oh I had some abdo. pain, and I actually gave birth' stories. Makes this the longest drawn out process ever, ever ever ever.
I hate having to rely on my own research, especially when we are paying these guys to get the results. It's lucky you did. Now I realise that my first cycle in November could have turned out differently. They didn't up my follicle stimulating injection at all, just kept the Gonal F at 150units the whole way through. If I had done some pre-reading maybe I would have asked for an increased dose on the first cycle. This last cycle they started at 225 units then upped it to 375 units. They initially sent me home and were only going to up it to 300 units, but I had intentions of just giving myself 375 units anyway... a bit bold .. but I didn't want to just have the one embryo result like last time. They rang me later in the day and said, well we've changed our minds we want you to have 375 units. This time we have a freezer family (3) and a bun in the oven. And I'm starting to wonder that when you feel that you are going overboard that is actually the right thing to do. Ask, challenge and so on, not just for your own sake, they need it as well...
Kimbe - I hope your DD can give you some big hugs.
Dreamrise - go for it girl. Now that's a distraction. I've been cleaning, but I don't think polished bathroom taps holds my attention for too long. Enjoy the support and the niceness. It sounds like your friend/girlfirend is good company. Sometimes in this process, we can get so calculated about organising and setting it all up for down the track. I say 'kiss kiss kiss and share your journey at this moment in time'. Good luck for Wednesday.
Hi again ladies :) Sorry I haven't been very attentive, I guess I've been trying not to acknowledge the 2WW, just in case I get my hopes up. Sadly I've been through far too many of these!
Anyway, despite myself, I'm starting to get a bit excited. I don't have regular cycles, so I don't know exactly when I'm due for my period, but this Wednesday will be 2 weeks since ovulation. I have no concrete symptoms either way, but normally I would be bleeding by now, so I'm starting to get a flicker of hope :dance:
Oh please, if anythings there, just please STICK!! That goes for everyone :)
Brenice, I'm praying with you, that you don't have to endure another one of these waits for a VERY long time X Good Luck X
Time4aFmly, yeah I say go ahead and ask away. Hey it can't hurt, and it put my mind at ease, knowing that I am in a good headspace right now. I couldn't go ahead with another cycle, with having in the back of my mind 'there's still something wrong, I should've asked'. To go through what we are going through, you have to START in a good headspace. Not start off with unanswered questions or doubts :hug:
I felt so rude asking...well...demanding for my extra tests, but in the end, I was right, we 'were' missing something.
Dreamrise, I think that is so lovely. Why not? You deserve to be hapy, and you can't totally put your life on hold (yes I know, as much as we do). I feel as though I have passed up so many oppurtunities in life over the past 5 years 'just incase' I fall pregnant. Hey, I'd have a new career, new furniture, a better social life....be back at uni, the whole lot. And the only thing that keeps me going, is the feeling of it will be worth it. I try to ignore the fact it might not ever happen and Iv'e waisted a good percentage of my life agonising over something I will never have.
But in saying that, I have a great DH to share my life with. And as aprehensive as you may be about putting your cards on the table again, you deserve to be spoilt, loved, hugged and kissed just as much as the next person.
So enjoy what you both have, and see where it takes you X
Good luck for the rest of your TWW, and enjoy the feeling of excitement and the lust of a new relationship, wherever it takes you. Enjoy life too XXXXX
Thanks for checking in Maggie XXXX
AFM, still crampy, not as strong as yesterday, but I said that yesterday and they got worse in the evening!!! Time will tell!
Hey I have never in my life gone this long without POASing, and am so darn proud of myself!! And I will keep on not POASing untill my BT!!! "I Can Do It" !!!!!!!
Wishing you all a great day to who I missed XXXX
murraycod, I'm with you on the cramps... :(
Hi all,
Yep, it was AF - totally sucks. Took the day off work to just get my head around things - was planning on a day alone but DH walked in the door at 10am saying he just couldn't be at work either. It was so nice to know he was hurting just as bad.
So, DH and i ended up totally re-organising DD room and taking the sides off her crib so it's now like a big girls bed which she loved when she got home from daycare. We decided that if fate has dictated that we're not going to have another one then we need to do a damn good job with the lucky, fortunate, beautiful, funny, smart lil one we do have.
Thanks for the TWW support guys - i hope each and everyone of you gets the chance to experience the BFP and the joys that come after it at least once. I know i am very blessed. Thank you & GL!
Kimbe, thanks.....huggs X
Hi everyone,
Thanks for the support... well I got my period last night. It was weird because I had blood when I wiped but after I put a pad on I had nothing all night - though I got really bad cramping from around 2am this morning. I cried most of last night. My blood test is tomorrow so I will still go (just in case) but I'm finding it so hard trying to find the balance between holding onto hope and dealing with the 99% probability that it will be a BFN.
To top it all off I had a bit of a fight with my ex girlfriend on the phone last night. We split up in December and she was with me for most of my trying to concieve journey. I had been looking for a donor for 6 months before we got together and then once we were together we started looking for a donor we could both use. A year after we got together she got pregnant through donor insemination and then I started trying with that same donor (with no luck). I struggled to support her through her pregnancy and stayed with her until the baby was 9 months old (even though we had actually stopped being intimate about 2 months before he was concieved). All this time I struggled with my own fertility issues and she tried to be understanding and supportive but I began to resent the fact that it had been so easy for her (she fell pregnant on her first AI attempt with that donor). After we split up we have remained friends and to start with I was looking after her son 4 times a week but that has dropped away now to about once a week. She has tried to be supportive of my IVF attempt and I have used her a bit as a sounding board.
She knows I have been spending a bit of time with my new friend but doesn't know that it is anything more than friendship (though I think she might suspect). My new friend and I have agreed not to tell anyone anything until we know ourselves where it is headed and we are in no hurry to try to define it (or put expectations or restrictions on it) yet. Anyway last night my ex rang and asked if I would like to have dinner with her on Wednesday night (as she knows I have the blood test on wednesday). I told her I'd already made arrangements with my new friend as I thought if it's bad news she will hopefully be able to cheer me up (we have so many laughs together). My ex got really upset, hung up and when I rang back she was crying and then this morning there were a couple of emails from her. She said she felt like she was being pushed aside and she had been there with me through most of this journey and suddenly I don't want to share my possible successful pregnancy with her because I have a new friend.
The truth is (and I explained this in an email to her this morning) I felt 99% sure it was going to be bad news and I just wanted to be with someone who hadn't been part of that journey so that she won't be wanting to cry with me... I don't want to cry (though my new friend told me that she thinks I need to grieve in order to be able to move on and I shouldn't try to push my feelings aside or bury them).
My ex is hurt and angry and I understand why but I can't spend time with her at the moment because it is a constant reminder of what I want and can't have. She has her son... over 3 years after I started my journey I am still no closer to having my baby. I don't want to resent her or him but to some extent I do. I put my plans to try on hold for a while as we decided she should try first since she had never had a child and I had a 10 year old daughter back then (she is now 13). I now regret that decision because I wonder if I had tried sooner if the outcome would have been different.
I cried most of last night. My overriding feeling at the moment is that I don't want to do this all over again. But I also don't want to quit because I'm worried that I will never feel okay about it and I won't be able to handle seeing other people getting pregnant easily (I'll still be happy for those I know have struggled for a long time and finally succeed). I don't want to become any more bitter about all of this... but then I think if I try again and I'm still unsuccessful will that make me even more bitter? I don't know what to do. I just keep thinking I don't want to do this again, I don't want to start all over, I don't want to have to gag on the pill every day for a month, take the nasal spray exactly 12 hours apart and then the injections and then the surgery for egg pick up and feeling so sore afterwards. I don't want the emotional rollercoaster of finding out my eggs are duds and the embryos aren't growing as they should and then having one transfered and waiting, waiting to see if it has worked Praying, hoping it has worked and worrying what if it hasn't because none of my other embryos developed enough to freeze. I don't want the 2 week wait of every twinge, cramp etc being a sign - but of what? Pregnancy, Period or Hormones? I was lucky in that I didn't have side effects from the drugs (apart from tiredness and perhaps being a bit emotional) but if I go again will they up my dose (since this cycle was so unproductive) and if they up the dose will I then suffer side effects? I just don't want to do all that again.
I think I am so over the whole trying to concieve thing. I just don't want to do any of it again. But at the same time I don't want to never have another child. I feel like I have been on this journey for so long and I just need it to end... but I also don't want it to... i don't want to admit defeat.
My ex is planning on trying for a 2nd child later this year and I told her that if I don't get pregnant I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing her get pregnant again. I realise that sounds selfish but I am just being honest. I resent the fact it has been so easy for her (emotionally, physically and financially - I paid all the costs associated with her attempt with this donor and her previous unsuccessful attempt with a different donor).
I just hate this. I hate the fact that I had bleeding last night and then it stopped and I started to hold onto hope again and then from around 2am this morning I had such bad cramping but no bleeding again and I want to hold onto the hope that maybe I am pregnant but I want this emotional roller coaster to just end. I can't handle it. I don't want to hold onto hope to just be shattered tomorrow but I can't help it... I waver between hoping, praying maybe by some miracle it might all be okay... and knowing that there is no point hoping for a miracle because it won't happen and I need to accept it and move on.
But I don't know how to move on... I don't know how to feel okay about this.
Lori
Started donor search Dec 06, Started donor insemination Jan 09, Started IVF Feb 10. Blood test Wednesday 26/5/10
Honey, I just want to jump into cyber land and give you a HUGE hug X
Honey you are going through so much now, I am praying your beta comes back positive X
I know my opinion isn't much, but I think your doing the right thing with your ex, you need to think of your own heart right now, nobody elses XXXXX
Love to you sweetheart X
Dreamrise - sorry isn't a big enough word. The only advice I have is that you have to feel whatever you are feeling (as dumb as that sounds) . If you have had enough, you have. I asked the clinic I am at when you know and all have told me, you just do and there is a peace that comes with knowing your journey is over. But if you haven't just yet, give yourself sometime and maybe you will feel the strength to go again. It is an awful, truly awful experience, with your own experience compounded by the fact your partner was also going through it at the same time which is something I haven't had to deal with or ever think about. I can't imagine how hard that made it for you. I can understand why your ex felt the way she did, but that doesn't mean you can please everyone while you are going through this journey - you have to put yourself first.
I wish for you the peace you need to make the decision that feels right for you, and I am so sorry this hasn't been an easier journey.
Dreamrise what can I say apart from follow your heart and do what's right for you. This is a really hard process on it's own so don't worry about what other people feel or will react at the moment all your focus should be on you and the achievement of your goals. All this stress you are putting yourself under cant be good for your own state of mind have you thought of speaking to one of your IVF cousellors just to have someone listen to you.
I also hope that even though you had a bit of a bleed everything will work out for you.
MurrayCod, TFAM, Nstap, Juniper hope you are all still travelling ok and that you all come back on here with some BFP results
AFM had my BT this morning guess it will just confirm what I already know
Dreamrise, there are some points in this journey where we all need to just protect ourselves from the things that are hurting us and work through all of those emotions before we go back to them. I couldn't go to a friend's baby shower for her twins because it was the day after our BFN for IVF#2. She understood and one of those twins is now our god-daughter. We all have to deal with so much pain and sometimes we need to do things that seem selfish to others in order to cope.
Hi everyone,
Terry, Murraycod, Lairdoz and Juniper, thanks for your support.
My period came on fully around 11am this morning. I've spent most of the day in bed nursing my very sore, crampy belly and crying. I tried ringing my parents around 5 times. They finally called me back 20 minutes ago. My Mum told me my father had been feeling very positive about the whole thing but mum hadn't... she said that since all the tests along the way had shown everything was only just within acceptable limits she's not suprised it didn't work. But told me that if I try again maybe the test results might be like my first ones (which were perfect but we ended up not being able to proceed because the clinic had stuffed up blood test results and I needed to get re-immunised for Rubella which meant my cycle had to be put on hold for a month (so I was on synarel for an extra month and when I then had a repeat of the down reg ultrasound my follicles were fairly large (several around the 9 and I was told if any had been 10 they would have cancelled the cycle) and my lining was 4 times as big as the previous one).
I rang the clinic to ask what the next step is and was told I need to have the blood test to confirm that my hormone levels are returning to normal and then the doctor will be notified and he will decide what my options are. I really don't like my doctor (which is probably another part of the reason I didn't want to try again). The nurses are okay, one especially is very nice, the head one - not so much. I don't want to have to go back and see the doctor again.
I asked them about counselling and they told me that I need to get my GP to give me a referral for a mental health plan and then medicare will pay some of the costs of counselling with a private counsellor the clinic uses. So I'm not sure how out of pocket I will be. I asked if it was the same counsellor who I had to see for the state mandated counselling session which you have to have before you can use donor gametes and she said yes. I really hated that counsellor so I can't see any point in going to her because it made me feel crap the first time when I was feeling positive, imagine how much worse she'd make me feel now! The nurse then gave me another name to try.
The problem I am faced with now is that I don't want to try again, but I'm not "at peace" with the decision to give up. I look around my beautiful farm (which I bought with the intention of raising another child here) and I just feel so sad and alone.
This morning my daughter saw I was crying and asked why. I told her I got my period (she is 13 so knows this means I'm not pregnant) and she just said "Well I felt sick last night". I asked if she was okay now and she was and went off to school. I know she is only 13 but it hit home then that she doesn't understand or care what I am going through and I guess that's good... she shouldn't have to share this stress but it also made me feel more alone.
I am very grateful I already have a child... and most of the time she is a great kid. I was so lucky I concieved her (by accident when her father and I were using contraception and only saw each other once a fortnight). I feel like she was a soul floating around just waiting to be born and it was her need to be born that bought her father and I back together time after time. We split up for good when I was 16 weeks pregnant and he has never met her. Maybe I don't have any other souls attached to me waiting to be born. Maybe it is time that I just accepted that fact. She is the only child I'm meant to have and I need to make the most of the next 5 years? of her still living with me before she goes off into the big wide world (she wants to work and backpack her way around the world).
I guess the hardest thing to accept is that as a child and teenager, when my friends were imagining their big white weddings and a house full of kids, I always pictured myself as the single mother of 2 kids. There was never a partner in my visions (which has proved to be true) but there were always two kids (which seems to be proving impossible).
Thanks for listening and for your support.
I hope you all get some positive news soon.
Lori
Dreamrise - I'm sorry for everything you're going through at the moment. Hopefully you will be able to take some time out for yourself to try and come to terms with it and make a decision about your next steps. Thinking of you...
Maggie - I also have a BT on Thursday. Hope you're staying strong and not POAS yet!
Murraycod - I'm with you on the cramping too - I just assumed AF was on the way, but reading through this thread has given me a slight glimmer of hope. Let us know how you go with your 2WW pill - I'm sure most of us would be willing to pay top dollar!
Kimbe - sorry to hear your news, but it was also nice to hear how supportive your DH is.
To everyone else who is still waiting - I've got everything crossed for all of you.
Dreamrise you sound like such a strong woman and I'm sure you will make the decison which is right for you. I'm sorry it didn't work this time but when you have had time to think it over and get over the pain I'm sure you will decide what to do next. We all do in this tww waiting game.
AFM I got my phonecall this morning that it didn't work. So now I just need my FS to put my next cycle up on the computer today and I'll be starting my next thaw I guess in the next few weeks.
Thank you all for your support and I hope to just pop in and see at least a few of you get your BFP because I'm sure that each and every one of us deserves to be a mother
Geez there seems to be a run of bad luck in here ATM, girls I'm so sorry things haven't worked, you are all so very strong, stronger than me!
This pill idea sounds like a good one!! Wish I had the skills to follow it through!!
Today for me has been pretty much the same as the others, crampy, lots of cramps. Grrrrr.
Hi Ladies,
I'm feeling bad for my rant on Sunday. DH isn't the selfish twit I portrayed him to be. In fact he's quite lovely and understanding. I was just having a melt-down. (the medication or the stress?)
Terry- sorry to here it didn't work this time. I'm glad to hear you sound positive and are throwing yourself right back in there. I'll look forward to reading how you go next month. :goodluck:
Dreamrise- I'm sad to hear you're so down now. I think that the fact that you can remember how you pictured your life when you were young is a sign. That child you long for might still come. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a sweetheart at home.
Nay29- sorry to report I caved this afternoon and did it. :redface: Just as before there was a faint yet distinct line. Hope it's not a chemical like last time. Will know in 2 days. Have you done any POAS? It does seem like May hasn't been a lucky month for many. I hope we change that. Will look out for your post.
To all the other ladies- hold in there. There's a full moon soon, maybe it will bring us all some luck.
Maggie
Terry and Dreamrise - so sorry that it was BFN's for both of you - it sucks big time.
Maggie - here's to your BT backing up your HPT!!
FX to all the others in the TWW.
May, schnay - bring on June and we'll all be over the moon!! (sorry couldn't resist because of the rhyming in another thread).
Hi everyone....there is not many names that i recognise in here anymore, and I swore I was going to try and stay away from the forums this time and try to keep busy! I am sorry that I'm busting in on your thread BUT....I am kind of freaking out. Last wednesday I had a lovely little hatching 5 day blasty transfered and despite what I told myself I POAS this morning...a faint second line came up after about 2 minutes and not so faint that I had to squint, it is definitely there! I only had one trigger injection 2 weeks ago and since then just crinone. Could this really be it or could it be something else?? This is our 4th IVF/ICSI attempt (hopefully someone remembers me :-) ) but my BT isn't til monday!! Eeeeeeek
Hi BJ,
I'm not really sure how to answer you question. Crinone has no Hcg in it so it can't give you a positive result on the test. Did your trigger injection have Hcg in it? I've done a little reading on the internet and I think Hcg injections should clear your system by two weeks (but am not certain)
So- your line might just be the real thing!
Good luck- I hope it is!
I'm wishing I hadn't checked though- still, 1 more sleep to go.
Trea- I can't resist a rhyme. You made me laugh. Thanks
Maggies
Bj honey WELCOME!!! I remember you (huggs), honey, the longest a trigger shot lasted in my system was 9 days, and it was a 5000iu pregnyl. So i'd be very confident!!! Good luck honey!!
And don't be sorry to burst in, that's what this thread is for babe! XXX
Maggie, hold in there hon, I think we are just about to have a streak of luck in here!!
I caved thismorning too...woopsy!! I couldn't do it any more, if the cramping didn't bother me as much as it did, I would have held off, but I just neded to get it over and done with before I turned into a mess.
Well I got a positive HPT !!!! The line came up so quickly and strong, I rang the clinic and they will bring my beta forward '1' whole day for me, Woopsydoo!!!
Am quietly excited, my cramping has all but dissapeared into a stitch like pinch on my right side, only a few mild cramps now and then.
I can't beleive that this may be it!! XX
Love to all who are TWWing, cramping may very well be a good sign after all girls!!
BJ, usually the trigger is gone by around 10 days, but for some people it lasts up to 12. I'd say that's most likely a real BFP you've got there. I'd love to hear what your beta result is! :crossfingers:
murraycod, congratulations! Can't wait to hear your beta result too! :dance:
Maggie, so far as I know, all trigger shots are hcg. hcg is structurally very similar to LH, which is the hormone that causes O in a natural cycle. That's why it works as a trigger.
Afm, I feel like this: :cold:
Ohhhhh i am so excited for you guys...
(Yep, still checking in to see the end of the TWW for you!!) It is sounding so positive, can't wait to hear over the next few days if the BFP shows itself and brings some joy into the room and your lives :)
Murrycod that sounds like the real thing to me!
Wow- you muct be thrilled.
It's good to get positive news here. Congratulations!!!:clap:
Thanks so much Maggie :D
Juniper & Murraycod!! Not that I'm happy that you guys are still here but it is good to see some familiar names. Murraycod....that sounds like a BFP to me. When is your official BT? Is your stitch like pinch up high near your ribs? If it is then thats your liver telling you that something very hormaonal is going on & can be a very good sign. How exciting!!!
Juniper, thanks! & I hope you are feeling better soon.
I told my DH and we are both just kind of dumbstruck....are not letting ourselves get too excited and have decided to wait til Friday to do another test then just go in Monday for BT as planned.
Just wanted to pop my head in here and wish you lovely ladies the very, very best of luck for your TWWs! Got my fingers crossed for you all.
Murraycod - just had to say I'm busting with excitement at your news! :dance: It sounds very, very positive! ;) I wrote a post for this thread a couple of days ago but lost it - wanted to say I had cramping in my cycle, thought it was all over, but turns out it wasn't! Just be careful sweetie of the dreaded OHSS, if you're UTD it can get bad... I know I'm telling you stuff you already know, but I've been drinking a sports drink and a protein shake every day to try and keep mine in check. Ooooh, I'm :pray: for excellent BT results, good they've moved it a day earlier!
Juniper76 - hope you're not feeling too poorly sweetie, and the TWW is not doing your head in too much! Hope your worries about your embies have subsided a bit too.
As for you other beautiful girls, I wanted to say remember that it ain't over til the fat lady sings, I was reading that some of you were worried about feeling nothing. Apart from the cramping a couple of days before AF was due, I pretty much felt nothing this cycle (I was on half doses of Pregnyl due to OHSS), and had convinced myself it was all over. I certainly had had stronger pg symptoms in previous unsuccessful cycles, I'd had the works too - everything from nausea to *TMI* veiny BBs. I know nothing I can say will really make this TWW madness any easier, but just wanted to share my experience in the hope of helping a little bit.
Wishing you babydust and stickyvibes, I'll leave you girls alone now. Best of luck! :goodluck:
Hi ladies,
Just sneaking in.
A really big congratulations to Murraycod & BJ. I'm sure your BTs will just be a formality. WOW!!!!
Looks like I'm probably out. I've had some light bleeding this afternoon. No pain like I'd normally get with AF so far, so I'm not quite calling it AF yet, but realistically that's probably what it is.