Hi all

***warning - irrational woman typing who will probably not make any sense but needs to get a bit of it off my chest***

I don't often venture into the LT TTC/Infertility/IVF section. We are not going through IVF, however we have been TTC for 18mths officially. So I feel I kinda fit in between the two TTC forums.

But I need to vent and here I am.

I hate how frustrating this whole process is. Why is it? Why is it that we have to go through this frustrating journey? I find it so frustrating that I can't fall pregnant - I am an intelligent person who can do anything that I want if I put my mind to it - except fall pregnant.

I have got to the stage that I can't stand going to family functions. I went to a 1st bday party last weekend and a 75th bday party. At the 1st bday party there were about 14 toddlers around, and I couldn't stand to be anywhere near all the children, I just wanted to sit in the corner away from them and their parents. Here I am sitting at a 1st bday party, when I have been trying to have a baby long before this baby was a twinkle in it's parents eyes.

Then I go to the 75th and I have all my younger cousins who have all fallen pregnant by mistake around me with their babies, and them asking me when am I going to start a family. Gee, never by the looks of it. And they look at me like I'm some kind of alien, because I'm older than them and they think that I am being selfish by having a career and not having children, like I am doing it on purpose.

I am jealous when people tell me they are pregnant. I am jealous when I hear that even Bec Cartwright is pregnant (both times! - IRL and on H&A). And I know that is *****y and horrible but I dont understand why it can't be that easy for me.

My mother rings me last night to tell me that one of my cousins had twins this week. 2 boys - her 7th & 8th children and she is 32. My whole family are reproducing at a high rate and here I am at home doing HPT's on 10DPO even though I knew that the result would be Negative and would lead to this disappointment.

I am not even looking forward to going back to my gyno because I have been hearing the same thing for over 5years about my PCOS, and I am not getting anywhere. I have been hearing for 15mths about how I should give it some more time trying naturally before we even think about any fertility treatment. If I hear it one more time when I go back to the gyno in 2wks then I think I will just give up on this whole TTC process and my stupid irregular cycles.

Sorry for my selfish rant and rave, but I had to get some of this frustration out. Feel free to ignore my horrible comments.