It took me 4 years to tell my parents and another 5 to tell my best friend. I felt embarrassed and so emotional about it all. After telling my parents I found it really hard because they were all over me when ever I saw them. Too much hugging and stroking and "how are you, dear?" and sympathetic looks. It was suffocating. I can look back now and know they were just so concerned for us and our feelings but at the time it wasn't what I needed. After 9 years when I finally told my best friend, she told me she had known because my DH told her DH years ago!!!! She said all the right things. About how she knew I would tell her when I was ready and admitted she had talked about it with other close friends and they all worried about me and my happiness. I know now that they were all being sensitive to me in situations like baby showers we went to etc. She has been great and I wish I had told her ages ago. I now feel I can say things whenever I need, not the big heartrending sob chats but just the little things when we are shopping, or with her kids etc. It made it a lot easier for me with her 2nd pg as well because she didnt know about our troubles with her first.
I guess there is no definate right thing to say to someone who is struggling with TTC. It depends on the individual and your relationship with them. One thing that REALLY bothered me was when a relative stranger came into my workplace and said she heard we were having trouble in that department (!!!). I wanted to smash her! And I wondered who we had told and who they had told etc (small town) I guess sometimes we want you to say something and sometimes we don't!