What would you want someone who has not been LTTTC to know?

[~*Niadalla*~]

I hope that this doesn't come across as insensitive in any way.... Mods if this is not appropriate or someone wants it removed please feel free. I really don't want to cause any offence.

My sister told me yesterday she's now been trying to TTC for 12 months and has been referred on to a OBGYN. I was extremely lucky in that I conceived relatively quickly, so I feel like I need to take care with what I say around her after seeing online friends etc go through the LTTTC merry go round.

What I want to know is, what are some things that you'd want your sister/relative/friend who hasn't had to go through LTTTC to know? Would you want them to talk to you about it? Would you want them to just keep quiet unless you said something?
I find it hard and feel like I've got my foot in my mouth as I have 2 kids and I find that they are my main point of conversation most of the time. I don't want to come across as insensitive in any way. I'd never want to upset my sister and I'd do anything to help her out.

I've told her that I'm happy to talk to her anytime about TTC in general, even the nitty gritty. I'm more than happy to be a sounding board and that I could put her in touch with people who have/are LTTTC via forums such as this one. I also apologised if I've ever been insensitive when it came to TTC/kids in general. I feel like I shouldn't be the one to bring it up and just leave her to talk when she wants to? I just want to know I'm doing the right thing by her.

What would you want your sister/sibling/friend to do in this situation?

[lyra stardust]

Well I think everyone is different, and what works for some people might not work for others... but for me I needed my friends to just be supportive and acknowledge that what I was dealing with was hard. I needed/need someone to talk to about it and that made it easier, even if I did have feelings of jealously towards people who fell pregnant easily. I had one friend who was very dismissive of my struggles, comments like "it will happen", "just relax" and "I have a friend who has been trying for longer than you" don't really help. Yes that's sad for her, but I have no idea who you're talking about, I'm trying to open up about what I'm going through right now and it feels like you're just belittling my problems. Then when she fell pregnant she just stopped talking to me- that hurt. Another friend also fell pregnant while we were trying, and was very open and honest and kept talking to me about her pregnancy, but also asked me how I was and talked to me about what I was going through- that for me was easier and I really valued her support.

I think the right thing is to talk to her openly and say that you want to be supportive and ask her what she wants. You might not understand exactly what she is going through, but the fact that you're supportive and on her side will mean a lot. Forgive her if she gets moody or jealous sometimes around the subject of babies- deep down she knows that you can't help your fertility just like she can't help her subfertility, but often those feelings are hard to fight.

That's my experience anyway, as I said I think people deal with this stuff differently. Good luck and I wish I had a sister like you!

[Emma09]

Pretty much what Lyra said.
Take your cues from your sister.
In my situation, I'm very honest about LTTTC and AC.
I don't post it on FB, but people around us know this is what we are doing.

It offends me more, when people don't want to talk about it/ask about it.
It's a hard road, and its really nice to talk about it with people close to you.