Ive been offered an awesome job but am 4.5 months pregnant.

[TryingToDoItAll]

Firstly - hi all, Ive been reading these posts for a couple of weeks now on and off and have found them to be extremely helpful.

I joined up today because I really need some 'neutral' advice,

here goes........

I 'bit the bullet' last year and left a very well paying IT job to head into a new career direction (very scarey thing to do). Im only 1 semester through a 3 year degree but am potentially going to be offered the awesome chance of working in my new field (Town / Urban planning) whilst completing my studies. This is practically unheard of but apparently the profession is so short of workers that they (the council offering me the position) are going to trial a 'Traineeship' position. I feel completely honored and lucky to be honest.

BUT......I found out 4 weeks ago that I was 12 weeks pregnant....completely unplanned, a totally 'gob smacking' surprise.

I dont know what to do. I want this sooo much but I know if I tell them now, they will offer it to one of my class mates......I feel confident that I could work right up until baby is born (September) and then head back after 6 weeks......thats how much I want it.

What on earth do I do? What would you do??????

HELP!

P.s - I have a 'partner' but we do not live together as he is a farmer who lives 2 hours away and I will essentially be a Single mum.

[Muppity]

What exactly will the "traineeship" involve. usually with these types of jobs where they take you before you finish your degree you have to continue with your studies. Do you think that you would be able to work and take care of bubs by yourself and study?

If the profession is so short of workers this will probably still be the case after you have your bub and you would then be a fair bit further through your degree as well.

My take on it would be to put off the job but explain to them that you would have loved it but you are pg etc and think that there would be too much pressure on you. I just think that you don't want to start in a job and then muck your employer around and then put yourself under so much pressure that you wont be able to do any of your three full time commitments properly.

It might sound a little hard but that is my honest opinion.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Arimeh]

Hmmm... if it was me, i'd balance up the pros and cons of having such a good job, what it means for your future, against the pros and cons of staying at home without it, IYKWIM?
I'm in a great job at the moment (well not my current position with this firm- but I am heading towards something that I really want after i come back from maternity leave) and I return to work after 12 weeks. So heading back to work can be done. If you are serious about returning to work, and your new employer says that they are agreeable, I would book in day care ASAP.....
Its up to you though!!!! I think, for myself, working in a field that you are passionate about is sometimes worth sacrificing things at home....
HOWEVER, there are a lot of people on here that would disagree with me, and thats cool. Up to you!!! Do whatever is best for your family.
Good luck!

[Sophia73]

In all honesty - I think you may be trying to do just a bit too much. It all sounds do-able now but in my opinion it may not be best for you or your baby.

I found 6 weeks post-natal I was still healing from the birth, settling feeding issues and extremely tired - and I had a partner at home and am on 12 months leave. Even then I found it difficult to give enough to my baby. Attachment and bonding is so important in those very early months and you never get that time again. I think job opportunities will always be there - especially in the current economic climate.

[Kitt3n]

I agree with Sophia - especially as you are studying, many more awesome jobs will come up over time - but bubs will never be a baby again. To me thats more precious than any job, but thats just my opinion.

Good luck with your studies and with yoru pregnancy - no matter what anyone says, do what is right for you and your baby, cos its not just about whats right for you alone any more.

Gosh, that sounds nasty, but it really isnt meant to be !! Wishing you all the best!!

[Celsie]

I'm not going to say what you should do either way, but I will say, if you feel that you can do this, then don't give up the job offer just because you're pregnant. I was offered a full time job when I was 10 weeks pregnant (it was just a casual thing prior to that). I accepted, then thought, we'll I'll do the right thing and tell them. BIG MISTAKE! Not only was the job offer withdrawn, I was also fired.

[myboysmumma]

If you are comfortable, I would accept the position and have this great experience. It is discrimination for them to withdraw an offer because you are pregnant.

Good luck with your decision

[MantaRay]

It is a hard one. Firstly, I suspect that you will find the first few weeks/months of being a mum harder than you are expecting, and also more rewarding than you ever dreamed. You might well feel very differently about leaving a young baby once you have one, than you do now.

I know that people have other experiences, but I know someone who was offered a job and turned it down explaining that she had just found out she pg. They said "so" and hired her anyway. If it were me, I would worry about it, but I would probably try to go with honesty. Explain that you still want the job, but have just had this surprise. That you want to work up until the birth and then play it by ear. Hopefully they will be understanding and then you can give yourself some time and flexibility to find out what will work for you. Legally they can't withdraw the offer, but they can make things difficult, I guess that it the chance you take. It is up to you what you do, but that is my advice FWIW. GL.

[Lulu]

OOerr - you are in a bind! My sister was in exactly the same position as you last year.

I think you may have a bit of trouble leaving bubs when its so little. Mainly because you will have to fight biology, its ingrained in us to stay close to our little ones!

* You are dead right, there is a huge need in your industry but that need isn't going to fill up in the next year or so.
* Studying with a new bubs IS doable for sure. Studying, working and having a new bubs on your own maybe too much at once.
* Have you thought about childcare yet - who will you leave bubby with whilst you work and study?
* You may bugger up your employer if you do change your mind about returning. Maybe you could stay in contact for the duration, if they offer the place to another it doesn't mean it will work out for them (and if it's supposed to be your job then it will be one way or another iykwim?).
* You just don't know what kind of baby you are gonna get!

I've had three, I have fully paid mat leave, I've worked entirely through a preg and only had three weeks off with my last (but I worked from home), I've also been home all the way through with another. I've done it all ways!

Good luck with your decision!

[Astrid]

The hard thing is not knowing how well the pregnancy will go, how the birth will be and how bubs will be. I worked and studied upto 37 1/2 weeks, I was so tired by the end of it and only give a half hearted attempt to my study. I ended up with a c-section after a long labour and a lot of breast feeding troubles. Originally I thought I could do it all. I had planned to start working from home a few weeks after birth, well it took me almost 12 months before I could start working again mentally and also there was a lack of childcare. Childcare is a huge issue, everything may go well and you and bubs might be ready for you to work again after 6 weeks, but there may not be any childcare for you to do so. If you are lucky your employer may be flexible about bringing bubs to work. Good luck!

[shellbell]

Well, I applied for a job at 34 weeks and was offered it at 37 weeks - to top it off I am still working full time at my usual job until next week (39 + 5 days). I haven't had bub yet but my new employers are more than happy to wait for me to start work in July (they even offered flexible work arrangements!). I think you need to be honest with the employer as you won't qualify for maternity leave after being there for less than 40 weeks.

I appreciate what others have said about being at home with baby and as much as I would love to it simply isn't a financial option for us - don't feel bad about wanting it all, I beleive that it while it will be very hard it is certainly "do-able"!

good luck with your decision.

[TryingToDoItAll]

Thank you everyone for your useful advice.
I found out that I have to have a 'medical' before being offered the position so the decision on whether to accept this job may be taken out of my hands anyway.
I have decided however that if they still offer it to me once finding out that I am pregnant, I will greatfully accept and work my butt off until the baby comes to help them realise that 'the risk' was worth it.
Ive tried to book the baby into day care but they do not 'keep places' in Tasmania as apparently that might mean they have to knock someone else back that may come along between now and September - so I have a couple of places 'lined up' so to speak.

In an ideal world......id probably stay home with the baby until it was atleast 12 months but I simply cant afford to.....so its going to be a matter of juggling everything and making the best of the situation.

Id love to hear from other ladies who may have been in a similar situation at some stage in their lives - to hear about how you managed and what little things you may have done to make life more comfortable.

Thanks again all.