Problems at work after returning from maternity leave (long)

[Starfish]

Hi everyone

Earlier this year I was offered a brilliant part time PA position at a university for 12 months. As I was expecting a baby in July and am also a part time student at same uni, this job seemed like a dream come true.

A few weeks after starting I told my boss that I was pregnant and that I intended to take three weeks off when bub was born. I would treat this leave as normal holiday leave and make sure that things were in order before I left so that my absence wouldn't put anyone out. She was fine with this (it turned out that she was pregnant too!), but she did warn me that I might find it difficult as post-natal hormones are all over the place and that she had had a hard time coming back to work after having her previous child. I assured her that I would be fine and that my work wouldn't suffer, etc and she assured me that she would be very understanding and supportive.

About six weeks before DD was due, one of the guys in our office resigned and it was decided that the position he left would be changed and that I would take over some of the work he had been doing. In his last week, we planned to do a handover where he would take me through all his work that I would now be doing.

Unfortunately, DD came exactly a month early, so we never got to do the handover and I didn't get a chance to put my work in order as I had planned. As it was a busy period, my boss hired a temp PA/administrator to cover both me and the person who had left.

I returned to work three weeks after DD was born as planned. The temp was still there to help me catch up and things seemed to be going well. But very soon, I found that the temp started to get snooty with me. Every time (or so it seemed) that I asked her a question, she would make me feel like I was completely incompetent and that I couldn't do my job. At first it didn't bother me too much as I had a lot of stuff to catch up on so was grateful for her help. But over the weeks, as I have caught up with my work, I am finding it more and more difficult. For fear of sounding petty and stupid, I am scared of this woman. She doesn't want to tell me anything, is still snooty whenever I ask her the simplest question, she seems to disagree with all of my ideas, etc... Also, my boss has given me permission to exress milk in my office, but the temp, although saying that she is happy to have a break whenever I need to do this, makes me feel uncomfortable every time I ask. One day she came in late, just as I was getting ready to express milk. I told her that I wanted to express and she made a big fuss of saying "but I've just come in", etc, to the point that I simply went and did it in the bathroom.

It is starting to affect my work and my boss has noticed. A few weeks ago, she had a talk to me asking if I was okay to keep working, as some important work she had asked me to do hadn't been done. While I do take responsibility for some of this, I feel that the problem was mostly that I don't get on with the temp. I didn't say this to my boss though, and she simply assumed it was those post-natal hormones she had warned me about. At the time, I thought it was just that too and that it would pass. But it hasn't.

My boss has now had her baby, so was on leave for a while and this week she was away on business and I feel like I haven't had any contact with her for about a month. She has been in contact with the temp though. I am trying to tell myself that this is because the temp is full time and I am part time, but I am beginning to get worried. The temp did say that she was not after my job, but I can't help feeling paranoid. Some days I honestly feel like I don't even know what I'm doing there anymore. It's getting to the point where I dread going to work in the mornings and occassionally feel like crying while I am there. (Yes, I know it sounds dumb.)

Does anyone have any suggestions of what I should do? I feel that I can't talk to the temp. I am not a confrontational person, and as I said above, I am scared of this woman as she seems to bite my head off every time I ask her anything. (Did I mention that she is very competent? I'll at least give her that.) I am thinking of talking to my boss when she returns, but I feel dumb saying that I can't work because I don't like the temp... Any ideas? I really want to keep this job.

[Captain]

Starfish this sounds like a really difficult situation. You sound like you are doing an amazing job, working, studying and a mother.
I think you should talk to your boss. She sounds like she is very understanding. How long is the temp staying for?
If your boss knows a bit more of the situation you are in, perhaps something can be arranged to help you through it. It's not your fault you things didn't go to plan. Hang in there, hopefully things will improve soon.

[*Efjay*]

You shouldn't have to go to the bathroom to express. They have to privde you with a private space & time to express. So if you have been told its ok to ask this other women to leave then just do it. its not your fault if she turns up late. Also if your comfortable doing so, just express while she is there I bet she will probably just get up & leave on her own anyway. Or is there another room you can use that isn't going to bother anyone if your there.

I would talk to your boss. Let her know your feelings re the temp & see how it goes.

[Starfish]

Thanks for your replies.

Ironically, the temp has been really nice to me in the last two days (she even volunteered to leave the room to let me express today without me having to say anything). So much so that I have kind of mentioned to her that I am finding it really hard (although I didn't tell her that it was her that was making me feel like that ). Turns out that she isn't entirely happy either, so that's probably why she snaps at me sometimes... (I know that's no excuse and it doesn't make me feel any better when she does this, but at least I know she's not out to get me.)

I am trying to arrange a meeting with my boss for Monday to discuss the situation, so hopefully that will go well. Fingers crossed and send me some good vibes. Thanks.

[Dragonbub]

Hey Starfish,
I agree with other replies, it is a lot to take on, being a new mum, study and then work. I am amazed at how you are coping so far! I think you need to give yourself a break. We all stuff up at the best of times, and to get a few things wrong, after returning from having a bub, expressing, dealing with an over-zealous and competent temp, etc, just adds to the pressure of work.

I agree, chat with your boss, tell her you are aware of your feelings (hormonally) and recognise that whilst they do have an impact, they are not the reason for all the things that are going wrong. As you really want to keep the job, it is great that you are making an effort.

Most of all, be kind to yourself. Ask for help, and like the others say, just walk out if you need to express. It is THEIR problem if they don't like it, not yours.

*hugs*