Ella, not sure what to advise. I went back to work full time when DS was 9 months old and it was really hard. I was given the undertaking by my boss that if the wheels fell off then I could work part time. The wheels haven't fallen off and I've now been back 15 weeks. Still breastfeeding at lunchtimes too as I have DS with a local mum who lives a street way from work. I would love to be working part time though. Like you, however, I have no family support and worse, my DP isn't even in the same town. DS is doing so many new things now that he's turned 1 and I'd really like to be spending all my time with him rather than handing him over to someone else five days a week. So I know how you feel! If you can somehow manage to go back part time, it might make it easier to start off that way. Good luck!