Rude lady at work

[ladybird11]

I must vent!

I can't believe the arrogance of some people.
Since 12 weeks I've had to work in the front office of a police station (i'm a police officer). Initially I was unsure about this but didn't really have much other choice. The parental policy states the pregnant member will not have any offender contact. It appears I'm working in a position where this isn't the case at all as every shift at least one person (offender) will come in to sign for bail at the front office and I have to serve them. The other day I had to walk an offender (who happened to be from a well known group of crooks) through to the cell area so he could be arrested on a warrant.

My main issue is this one office lady - who is a government worker - not a police officer. She keeps making (what I think) disturbing comments. Because she has family troubles, in particular with her 22 yr old daughter she has told me I should 'get rid of the kid' or I'll regret it and tells me to think about the money I could save if I didn't have 'the kid'. She mentions they aren't worth the trouble too. She is so negative about the whole child scene she repeatedly makes these comments out aloud. Not to mention there is another female in the office who is 6 wks pregnant.

I've told her that money isn't going to hug me when I fall asleep and my baby and DP will / do but she continues to make these negative comments.

Any hints on how to handle this problem. Am I over reacting? I don't feel comfortable talking to this lady and mentioning my concerns as she always says something negative in return.

[krysalyss]

Wow. What an awful thing for her to say. Maybe just say straight out that you understand she must have had a bad experience but you are looking forward to being a mother and would prefer her not to keep saying those negative things.
Remarks like that can probably be classed as harrassment because they are so offensive so if it continues after you as her to stop, you should speak to your/her boss.
Good luck!

[Astrid]

I would actually report her to HR, what she is saying is more than just the typical nosey comments that most new mums get. Telling someone "do get rid of the kid" is just plain wrong and it is very obvious that she has some real issues, HR should be able to help her with those. If you can get the other new mum to back you up. Good luck.

[chickbabe61]

I have someone at work like that. they refer to my pregnancy as a "condition" and they are constanly commenting that i am putting on weight and i have more pumples on my skin. It is annoying i know and if it does continue i will be going above them and letting the manage know. It is harrasment. Tell her if she hasn't nothing nice to say then don't say it at all. I said this the person being rude to me and they haven't seemed to say much since but that was only 4pm yesterday.

Good luck hun. NAd congrats on the pregnancy

[Bloom]

My 2 cents worth is that I would try to talk to her first before going to HR. Recognise that she is obviously hurting becuase of her experience of motherhood but ask her to recognise that your experience is different. Give her some clear guidelines such as "don't mention my pregnancy" becuase what is considered "negative" can be a bit subjective. I would document the date that you have this discussion and also write down what you talk about, in case you need to go to HR later. Best of luck!

Ruth

[MrsFabuloso]

How horribly hurtful of her to say such things. She knows nothing of your situation!! I would tell her straight out that she is being very rude and offending you. Tell her you want your child and it is a blessing to you and if she has nothing nice to say to you that she should keep it to herself. Just maintain a professional relationship. If it continues take it further and report it to your supervisor or HR.

[satya]

I think in most company's it's actually a form of discrimination to even comment on someone's pregnancy let alone be outright rude about it like that.

Next time she does it just say something like "I could do without your negative comments about the pregnancy". If she continues to do it report her to H/R.

[Emma1979]

hmmm... that is pretty un-decent of her.... if she is saying it in front of other people, i would tell my boss and get him or her to deal with it.... if it were me, i wouldn't want the hassle/stress of dealing with it myself and thats what management/senior staff are for, to deal with stuff like this... she just needs a kick up the butt and a reminder of what's appropriate and what's not... sounds like she is trying to get attention, in a round about way.

[Starfish]

How awful. I would speak to your/her supervisor and report her to HR. What she is doing is harrassment, which no one should have to put up with.

[Astrid]

Coming from a workplace where I had to deal with the odd bully and manager beginning to lose their marbles, it is best to get into HR first. There is a real risk of making the situation worse and you looking like the bad person if you confront her and she takes offence. Even the most diplomatic comment can be twisted by someone who is not in a sensible frame of mind and going by her comments she does not appear to be sensible at the moment. If you do want to deal with her first, do so with a witness in case it goes the wrong way.