thread: Vaginismus & Conceiving

  1. #1
    JoDan Guest

    Vaginismus & Conceiving

    Hi Girls,

    I was wondering if any of you knew much about this and whether preganancy can cure this???

  2. #2
    JoDan Guest

    Yeah, guess no one cares or knows about this "disease".
    ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)

  3. #3
    kirsty Guest

    I'm sorry to see that no-one has been able to help you out on this one JoDan. I can't offer any help either I'm sorry.

    Just a thought but have you spoken to an OB about it & what he thinks may hamper falling pg or helping your condition once pregnant??

    Hope that somewhere along the track you get some answers.

  4. #4
    JoDan Guest

    Thanks Kirsty,

    I am trying to see a Gynae in Sydney, getting the time and the guts to call and make and appointment is the thing.

    Because of this stupid condition, I have now developed depression, which is really affecting everything around me.

    ANyway, I am having a week off in sept, so hope to get in and maybe have the botox procdure that week ! fingers crossed.


  5. #5
    kirsty Guest

    Can I ask what the Botox procedure is for?

    I am sure that you will get the courage to make the phone call when you need to.

    Please let me know how you are getting on.

  6. #6
    Melinda Guest

    I was just reading the other thread that you had posted on this JoDan.

    It seems that the counselling was going to cost you a fortune but you thought that the botox would be a more effective and permanent solution, is that right? I hope this is the case for you.

    I am really sorry that thus far nobody on BB has been able to give you any answers.

    I really hope the botox works for you!

  7. #7
    JoDan Guest

    OK, I have made the appointment, 26th Sept, 1.30pm.

    Kirsty, the botox procedure is a more definite solution for vag, if it works. As it doesn't work for everybody.

    Anyway, instead of having to use dilators for the rest of my life (which I have so far been unable to do), I will hopefully have this operation, which involves injecting botox into the troublesome muscle. This then paralyses that muscle and stops it from contracting. Therefore, intercourse is possible and because it lasts for up to 6 months, you have plenty of time for "practise" and to show your body that it doesn't hurt.

    SO fingers crossed, I will get the procedure and all will be fine. Now just need to come up with the $$$$.

  8. #8
    kirsty Guest

    Glad to hear that you have taken the first step & made your appt, it will be here before you know it & then maybe you can start getting some answers.

    Do you have a date set for the Botox procedure?

    Wishing you luck.

  9. #9
    JoDan Guest

    I recieved an email from a dr in Sydney, (not the one I am seeing) and he gave me a heads up on the costs of botox.

    It is $15 per unit.. sounds ok until you relaise that I need 100 - 150 units!!! And because botox is mostly used for cosmetic reasons, it isn't subisdised! ARGH!

    So IF it does indeed cost this amount, I will be up for $2250, plus the dr's fees, the aneasthetist, hospital costs.. everything. ARGH!

  10. #10
    Melinda Guest

    Wow, that's pretty expensive isn't it! I didn't realise you'd need that many injections of it. Will you be able to afford to go ahead with it? Given that in your case it's not being done for cosmetic reasons, can it be subsidised? Is it worth sussing this out a bit further? Although I guess the Doctor would know all about that.

  11. #11
    kirsty Guest

    I was going to say "yeah $15 per unit sounds great" until I read how many you will need. Like Melinda said coz it isn't cosmetic reasons is there any way you can claim some of it??? Certainly worth asking I would think.

    So when is your Dr's appt? Got my fingers crossed that you get some good news.

  12. #12
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2005

    HI JoDan

    A friend of mine has this condition and found it extrememly hard to conceive and ultimately had to use IVF.

    I can let her know of your thread if you like and maybe she has some advice for you.

  13. #13
    JoDan Guest

    Thanks Rbray.

    Well, had my appointment, and turns out, wouldn't have mattered how much I tried the dilators or anything else, it wouldn't work. NOt yet anyway.

    Firstly, I have an infection (that I was seeing a dermatologist about for over a year), so he's given me meds for that to clear up. I go back to see him again on the 22nd Nov.
    If that is cleared up, he will then book me in to have an operation to remove my Bartholins' Glands and my hymen scarring. (Will also ask for a pap while I am under). This is an overnight stay at hospital and I will require 10 days recovering.

    After this, he will then perform some lasering on an overly red area down there.

    Then once all this is done, most of my pain should be gone apparently and then I will be able to go back and start on dilators again.

    Can't wait.

  14. #14
    aotearoa Guest

    Hi guys,

    I was just surfing through Australian info on Vaginismus, and came across this site - I've been married a year and a half now, and i only discovered that my condition had a name about 9 months ago. Since then I've received MASSIVE amounts of help, support and much needed understanding from a vaginismus website and thier forums

    There's a total lack of info about Vaginismus just about everywhere! Even amongst medical professionals - i've heard so many stories about women having operation after operation trying to fix their 'problem'. The two doctors and top gyno that i went to in Sydney (v expensive) gave me no hope, and no clue as to what was really going on with my body! Then i happened to read a random article one day that described ALL my symptoms as vaginismus, and i checked out the Canadian website listed.

    Since then i haven't really looked back. Being able to talk to people out there who know what you're going through is awesome. And their course for healing is very thorough. I still haven't finished mine (everyone takes their own time.) but its the BEST stuff i've seen on curing it, and it has a very high success rate. All without operations and stacks of needless money spent.

    Anyway, just thought i'd throw that in there. Hope it helps someone out!



  15. #15
    JoDan Guest

    I have a friend who is going through all of this with me. We have both just seen the same dr and had the same results which are to have the operation.

    She has just found out that the dr's fees alone are just under $6000!!!!!

    As neither of us were real comfortable with this dr, in particular his bedside manner absoltely is non-existent, I am going to seek out a second opinion. Preferably closer to home too.

  16. #16
    laurensia Guest


    I want share my true story dealing with vaginismus.

    2 months ago is my first anniversary wedding, but I still can not have intercourse with my husband. I try to go to 2 diferent gynecolog but not help me at all for me.They said nothing wrong with me. And one of them suggsest me to have surgery to widen vaginal opening which really expensive.
    For me they just make trauma cause when he( my gynecolog) tried to insert his finger, it just can go in 1.5 cm but it cause me pretty painnnn....oucchchhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm not satisfied with my condition and try to serch by google.Finally I found the name of my condition "VAGINISMUS (WHEN INTERCOURSE IS PAIN OR IMPOSSIBLE)" and also I found very good website where you can read and more detail to understand about vaginismus,

    This is some expalanation that I 've got from the website

    What is Vaginismus?
    What is wrong with my body?
    Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the entrance to the vagina, making penetration impossible and/or painful. The primary muscle group involved is called the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle group.

    (..........so sorry this email can't show the picture, but if you want to see the picture you can go to the website)

    On the left, you can see in vaginismus how the PC muscle group spasms, tightly closing the vaginal entrance. On the right, the PC muscle group is not in spasm - the vaginal opening potentially accommodates a man's penis.

    The involuntary vaginal reflex can be triggered by attempts at intercourse with the entry or approach of a penis to the vagina and/or by the approach of other objects such as a tampon, a doctor's finger, or even your own fingers. The spasms constrict the vaginal opening making it virtually impossible to have entry. When tightened, attempts to insert anything into the vagina are painful and uncomfortable. There can also be related spasms in other body muscle groups and even halted breathing. Generally, when the attempt to put something in the vagina has ended, the muscles relax and return to normal.

    The severity of vaginismus varies from woman to woman. Some are able to insert a tampon and complete a gynecological exam but are unable to insert a penis. Others are unable to insert anything into their vagina.

    Vaginismus is NOT due to a physical abnormality of the genitals. Some women wonder if their vagina is too small to fit a penis in or perhaps they have no vaginal hole at all and that is why sex is so difficult. This is understandable especially when the vaginal muscles are in spasm as they can give the appearance that the opening is non-existent. These concerns, however, are erroneous as the genital area is completely normal.

    In addition to vaginismus, there are a number of other disorders (e.g. vulvar vestibulitis, pelvic inflammatory disease, etc.) that can result in sexual pain. It is important that a reliable diagnosis is obtained so that the appropriate treatment can be recommended.

    .................................ext (you can see more on the website)

    I bought a vaginismus treatment kit,just received it at the end of sept. Now I'm still on exercise to insert third dilator (diametre 30mm - 32 mm), I have sucsessed for inserting q.tip, tampon, and first dilator (19mm-22mm diametre) and second dilator (24-27mmdiametre).

    Now I know that I have hole in my vagina and I can reduce my fairness and pain when something go inside my vagina.I still must exercise till I can insert dilator number 4(35mm-40mm diametre), then I will be to have pain free intercourse.

    There is also another good website; I found that I'm not alone in this world with vaginismus. There's so many woman all over the world including from australia,are ready to support and encourage you to overcome this vaginismus problem.

    Now My progress is I can insert dialtor size #3 ( 3 -3.2 cm) for 2 inches. This dilator quite the same as amielle dilator.But cheaper whole treatment kit (dilator,books,and DVD) is 100 USD.(+/+ shipping cost arround 17 USD).

    Now I'm really sure I can see the light at this end of this vaginismus tunnel I just must go on and on, till finally I can see the sun shine clearly.

    I pray for you also so you can overcome vaginismus.

    ok , hope my long letter can help you JoDan and the other woman who can not consume their married, or still have pain when doing intercourse but really want to have a baby.

    feel free ask me by email [email protected]

    My pray for all of you, who have the same Vaginismus problem like me.




  17. #17
    laurensia Guest

    I've just got good article called - When Sex Hurts
    Thousands of married women suffer from undiagnosed vaginismus—but there is hope.
    By Kate Cardwell

    What happens when the process of "becoming one" in marriage brings pain, not pleasure? Or when every attempt at intercourse induces intense burning and the sensation of being torn apart inside? Many women live with an invisible handicap that robs them and their spouse of the enjoyment of sexual intercourse. It's called vaginismus, and it's possibly the most common cause of female sexual pain you've never heard of.

    Commonly misdiagnosed, vaginismus is the involuntary and unconscious spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina, making penetration painful or impossible. Estimates suggest that in North America alone, hundreds of thousands of women suffer from vaginismus to some degree. Statistics are hard to gather because many never come forward due to shame and embarrassment. Victims suffer in silence for years, never realizing they can find help.

    My journey with vaginismus began 12 years ago. My husband, Brian*, and I had been married eight years when I gave birth to our second child. Labor was traumatic, and the baby was finally taken by C-section. After my recovery and with two babies in the house, my husband and I were tired but eager to resume the joy and comfort of intimacy.

    My husband and I were eager to resume the joy and comfort of intimacy—but it brought anything but joy and comfort.

    Instead, sex brought anything but joy and comfort. Every time we had intercourse, I experienced intense burning pain. While I wanted to say "yes" to intimacy, my body said "no."

    When my physician examined me, he found nothing physically wrong and said the pain should subside. But it didn't. In fact, it got worse. I didn't know what was happening, and fear kept me from telling Brian for two years. Many times I hid the tears. I thought if I told him, he'd be afraid to touch me.

    With two toddlers and a full-time job, my excuse of being too tired for sex seemed justifiable, but I couldn't avoid all of Brian's sexual advances. Soon it became difficult to have intercourse at all. Penetration was almost impossible. Finally, I broke down and told him of my pain. He was afraid to hurt me further and for a time, sex stopped.

    Annual visits to the gynecologist yielded no medical cause for my pain, and my shame and embarrassment kept me from opening up about it even to my closest friends. I couldn't imagine telling anyone "I can't have sex." I avoided Brian to escape continued failure in our sex life, and our marriage began crumbling. While I seemed to succeed in every other aspect of my life, I still felt as though "failure" was stamped across my forehead.

    In the depths of this internal struggle, the Healer brought me to himself. Six years into vaginismus, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. Although I felt a weight lift from my shoulders, vaginismus was still a burden I couldn't give him. So much shame and isolation surrounded my sexual problem that I felt I couldn't even discuss it with God.

    Through God's grace, my new-believer's heart softened and I began sharing painful details of my life with a godly woman who mentored me. She suggested I see a Christian counselor, which I eventually did.

    By the time I started counseling, anxiety, depression, and marital difficulties complicated my treatment. I didn't even tell my counselor of my "little sexual problem" until several sessions into therapy. After tearfully describing my symptoms, she calmly said, "You have vaginismus." However, she hesitated to diagnose me until physicians ruled out all other medical reasons for dyspareunia, the medical term for painful intercourse, commonly caused by conditions such as endometriosis, pelvic inflammation, or bladder problems. Even after exploratory surgery to check for endometriosis, a diagnosis eluded my doctor.

    Continued counseling revealed painful events from my past that had made sex and sin almost synonymous. A combination of verbal abuse, strict religious teaching, and silence about sex in my home created a deep sense of shame surrounding my sexuality. Though childbirth had triggered vaginismus, the main factors to continued symptoms were rooted in these issues. Through Christian counseling, the truth of God's unyielding joy, infinite love, and full acceptance replaced my emotional wounds, and freedom truly began.

    Brian accompanied me to a few therapy sessions. On one occasion, our counselor asked him to sum up his feelings about our relationship. He simply said, "I feel alone." Tears came to my eyes. For the first time, I considered his feelings of being rejected, frustrated, isolated, and angry. He longed for oneness just as I did. But what could we do?

    I started researching, and what I found surprised me. Vaginismus has been acknowledged for 100 years. Physicians Masters and Johnson studied it extensively in the 1950s. According to their study, "vaginismus is in all probability the most overlooked diagnosis, especially in gynecology. This statement particularly applies to the more moderate degrees of distress in given patients."

    Further research revealed vaginismus falls into two categories. Primary vaginismus occurs when a woman has never achieved penetration, causing a marriage to go unconsummated. My condition, called secondary vaginismus, occurs after a woman has experienced sexual relations. Symptoms usually develop after some type of pelvic trauma—in my case, postnatal pain.

    The causes of each woman's vaginismus are as unique as the woman. Psychological factors typically play the largest role in developing the condition. Trauma such as physical abuse, molestation, rape, or incest can lead to symptoms. When this type of horror is recalled, the body automatically reacts to avoid further pain and the muscles around the vagina unconsciously spasm. The mind is incredibly complex and the reason why some women develop symptoms and some don't is a mystery. However, misinformation regarding sexuality also can instill negative emotions toward what God created to be beautiful, comforting, and pleasurable. Carol Selander, a Christian counselor who has treated several women suffering from vaginismus, says she guides her clients to seek biblical truth in order to let go of moral misunderstandings and negative thoughts.

    Due to misconceptions from my childhood, I assumed God and sex didn't belong in the same room together. Through therapy, I understood nothing could be further from the truth. Like many women, I longed to experience intimacy without shame and wanted God's blessing in my sexuality. I also realized our children deserve to know sex was God's idea, and he made it pleasurable because he loves us. In a world filled with sexual images and twisted information, it's up to us to deliver the right message of God's great gift.

    Once I pinpointed the cause of my condition, I formed new beliefs about the spiritual connection between God and my intimacy with Brian. Through the truth of Scripture, advice from a few good books, and total honesty with my husband, the door to healing was opened.

    Overcoming vaginismus is a step-by-step process that not only involves retraining the mind, but also the body. Therapy is a little unorthodox, but worth the final outcome. Physical treatment includes a combination of practicing Kegel exercises (contracting and holding the muscles used to stop urine flow), doing relaxation techniques, and using a graduated vaginal dilator to retrain the muscles surrounding the vagina to respond correctly.

    Emotional and physical healing time varies, depending on the depth of emotions holding a woman in bondage and her willingness and ability to work through the physical steps. Treatment takes patience and prayer on the part of both partners.

    Since beginning my research on vaginismus, I've come to realize my case is fairly mild. While I experienced shame and loneliness, I've since discovered other women who have endured utter emotional, physical, and spiritual devastation.

    I can't imagine the pain of a couple never consummating their marriage due to primary vaginismus. I don't know the desperation of longing for a baby, but being unable to conceive because intercourse is impossible. I hate to think how many divorces have occurred because there was no reason given for a woman's inability to have sex. But I'm hopeful for the woman reading this right now who finally understands there's a name for her pain.

    Brian and I are still walking the steps to recovery. Never are prayer, honesty, patience, courage, and compassion more important in marriage than when dealing with a sexual disorder. Romans 8:28 states "in all things God works for the good for those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." He will not waste any of our pain, and in "all things" we learn valuable lessons.

    Though it's a challenge, vaginismus has become a bond that pulls our marriage together. We've learned to become more open and honest with each other—qualities that didn't exist between us before. Brian and I have found that if sex is to be mutually satisfying, as God intended, we must find oneness outside intercourse while we seek to find oneness within it.

    Kate Cardwell is a pseudonym for a freelance writer who lives with her family in Wyoming.

    Do You Have Vaginismus?

    Do you experience intense burning pain when intercourse is attempted?

    Does it feel as though your husband is "bumping up against a wall" while attempting penetration?

    Have you been unable to have sexual relations because your vagina seems "too small"?

    Does vaginal pain stop after discontinuing intercourse?

    Can you point to physical or emotional trauma in your past that evokes shameful feelings toward sex?

    Have physicians ruled out all other causes of female sexual pain?

    If you answered "yes" to these questions, you may have vaginismus.

    Resources for Recovery

    Educating yourself about vaginismus is the first step to overcoming it. Some resources to start with are:

    Internet sites dedicated to informing and treating vaginistic women and also books.

  18. #18
    JoDan Guest

    Thanks for all that Laurensia,

    I am sure together we can work through it and wave goodbye to the trauma it alone has created.

    I am seeing my GP on Saturday, and am going to get a second opinion. I don't quite agree with the last gynae's decision telling what is and what isn't and that researching and the internet is wrong - I wouldnt have found him if I didn't do research on the net!

    anyway, wil know my next course of action by Saturday. Fingers crossed.