Vestibulitis = Painful Sex (TMI)

[Alan]

Diflucan is used for fungal infections and could well be useful. You can use it with the other creams but again try to keep the application of each cream apart by a couple of hours

[paradise lost]

Popping in....

This is in relation to your anticipation of pain... I had vaginismus and FSD (female sexual dysfunction - impotence for women, you don't get engorged or wet) for most of my teens and my early 20's because of the abuse i'd suffered as a child - ironically i never sought medical help because i thought sex was supposed to be mildly-moderately painful for women every time they did it...

Anyway, i was thinking, if you are there all tense and worried about pain, some of the pain you have could be that of vaginismus - the muscles around the opening tighten up hard and NOTHING is going in there without it hurting. It felt like the penis was made of sandpaper to me. People would say "use lube" but lube only helps if you can release your pelvic floor! With lube it would sometimes go in (mods if i'm too graphic then remove this and i'll PM instead) but within a few movements would feel like broken glass at the entrance because the muscles were still fighting to close my pelvic floor.

So eventually i realised it was muscular and the combination of some relaxation exercises and being with someone who i really trust and love (not a problem for you ) really helped. I banned lube, and if i cannot get relaxed and aroused myself we do not have sex (i almost always can nowadays). The problem is that physical issues can LEAD to psychological ones because nothing wears you down like pain.

I don't know if this is any help to you, but it's worth discussing with the gyn as they might well be able to help if you have vestibulitis caused by vaginismus. I think i read once that you can tell the difference because with vestibulitis the skin down there hurts whenever you touch it, and if the problem is vaginismus then it's inserting things which causes the pain, and many women can use tampons, insert a finger themselves etc. without issue but when it comes to sexual contact they have problems and pain (though some women with vaginismus can NEVER insert anything- it depends if it's sex causing the anxiety and spasming or just any and all general genital contact).

I hope you find solutions really soon hun.

Bx

[Footsteps]

amy im sooo glad you brought this up....im in exactly the same positon as you...its been happening for the last year and its so painful...i asked my gynae why and he said its because my womb and everything is matted together and it gets sort of jarred when dtd. im going in the 9th of jan for a dnc, camera and for a iud to be put in to help with the bleeding and to try and prolong the amount of time before they have to do a hystorectomy...just so you are all aware every gynae i have seen has told me il need a hystorectomy because theres to much pain and basically my womb is stuck to my bowel because of adhesions and they cant do anything to release them..its to risky. iv seen 5 gynaes and 12 surgeons. last night when dtd i was in agony the only way to describe the pain is that iv got a hot knife down there and it lasts for hours. sorry got no answers i just wanted you to know you are not alone .. xxxx

[Aimz]

Bec - You described DTD perfectly - he can get it in with enough lube (although even that creates horrific pain) but within a few movements it's like sandpaper. From what you have described it sounds like I also have vaginismus but it is definitely vestibulitis - I cannot wear tampons and when I was diagnosed my GYN pressed on two points during an examination and I nearly fell off the bed. However, now that I expect pain I am 100% sure that my muscles not being able to relax are playing a major part.

We try everything to relax - STACKS of foreplay, warm baths, lube, massages, change of positions etc. Sometimes he can get it in after all that but the majority of the time he just cannot get it in at all. It is literally impossible without an enormous amount of pain. It feels like I am being ripped apart. Even today I am still sore from yesterday's measly attempt.

Thanks so much for your help hun - I will bring that up with my GYN in Jan that Vaginismus could be playing a role in this too.

Rach - Big hugs babe . I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. It must be a scary prospect to know you have to have a hysterectomy and to be told by that many doctors. I thought my little bit of endo was scary enough so please know that I am holding your hand through all of this. The pain you described it spot on.


What I don't get is this... What did I do in this life to end up with not one but TWO different types of painful sex? It's just not fair.

[~Kim~]

Oh Amy :hugs: I could have written your post myself. I have never been investigated for endo and didn't even know they were related but my husband and I both understand your heartache.
I have had both conditions for years and years. Diagnosed after multiple bouts of UTIs.
I have tried the kenacombe, the lignocaine (designed for use in penile surgery so safe) - but that's only useful if it is applied some thirty minutes prior and that kind of takes all the spontanaeity away IYKWIM?, low dose tricyclic anti-depressants, low citric acid diets, etc etc.
Nothing has really worked like Hoobley said except really trying to relax, but the brain is a very powerful being and can often override all conscious effort.
Having my babies has been an absolute nightmare. Finding a doctor that actually undertands is even worse.
Recently with being hospitalised I found one that does. He wants to see me to sort out something to help after this baby is born, so I'll be watching this carefully.
Sadly the fact that I'm not allowed to DTD until this baby is born is actually a relief for me....at least there's no anxiety that goes with it.
Not much help but you have my empathy and understanding.

[Aimz]

Wow Kim - it certainly is a comfort to know there are people out there who share this condition. It's not something I feel comfortable discussing with my friends or even (to a certain extent) my Mum. Thankfully I have BB and people like you .

I'm interested to hear what the low citric acid diet does and how it helps. I also curious as to how the condition affects childbirth and the severity of what already is a painful process.

I think my doctor is on the right track with this - it's hard because I have seen one GYN for Vestibulitis and one for Endometriosis and now I have to try and bring the two conditions together and hopefully he will look at this seriously in terms of a management plan. I don't know how much longer I can take this - although I have been putting up with it for four and a half years.

What has your doctor said to you about management post-natal?

[paradise lost]

Wow Kim - it certainly is a comfort to know there are people out there who share this condition. It's not something I feel comfortable discussing with my friends or even (to a certain extent) my Mum. Thankfully I have BB and people like you .

I'm interested to hear what the low citric acid diet does and how it helps. I also curious as to how the condition affects childbirth and the severity of what already is a painful process.

I think my doctor is on the right track with this - it's hard because I have seen one GYN for Vestibulitis and one for Endometriosis and now I have to try and bring the two conditions together and hopefully he will look at this seriously in terms of a management plan. I don't know how much longer I can take this - although I have been putting up with it for four and a half years.

What has your doctor said to you about management post-natal?

Re: childbirth - i was not with DP and had not fully managed to rid myself by will of the vaginismus when i had DD (still sometimes suffered it with XP and only DTD about 4 times during my PG) but i had no problems (sustained a small 1st degree tear which one midwife said she'd stitch and the other said she wouldn't so i chose to not bother - i didn't feel it at the time and it healed no problem) giving birth and if anything the process seemed to "cure" me to a large extent, perhaps because i now internally associate my vagina with something so incredibly positive (i had a great birth), i don't know.

HTH

Bx

[Muffy]

hi amysarah!
i havnt been able to get on here for a while but i have been wondering how you have been going!!
im glad to hear that you finally got the answers you were looking for!! but lots of hugs for the ongoing problem! i dont have any advice but i hope you get your 'life' back to normal asap!! xx

[Smoke Jaguar]

Was reading through the thread and then someone got in before me! Hypnotherapy is great. It's a matter of choosing someone who has dealt with sex issues before. There are lots of modalities and I can recommend Emotional Freedom Technique, TimeLine Therapy and Journey therapists. You'll discover other things that you hadn't given the time of day and when you do, you'll feel released, and 'able'
FWIW, I had a friend who had endo, endured very painful sex with her very sexy husband and in the end stopped having sex at all with him. The burden she carried from the associated guilt, on top of her issues that were linked to it, meant she engaged in marriage-sabotaging behaviour and called it a day. I have no idea where she's at now, she also let me go during this time and I hope she's found some peace.
You're not going to pull the pin on your marriage, I'm saying that it's really worth looking at all the angles, bravely, because when you unlock one thing, you'll feel more positive about something and hopefully it will cascade What have you got to lose? Except some sleep, if it's for the right reasons

[Aimz]

That's interesting Maya - although I'm not sure if my town has anything like those therapists. It is a large regional town and there are a lot of psychologists but I'm not sure what they specialise in. How can I find out? I will ask my GYN if he can recommend anyone for me.

I've felt really on edge today - really guilty, some shame (can't really pinpoint it), anger, frustration and envy at all of those enjoying sex. It just doesn't seem fair that I am being dealt blow after blow. I am so over dealing with this and constantly searching for an answer. I know I am one step close than I ever have been - but the waiting is agony.

[Mrs H]

I have been diagnosed with vestibulitis and spent my wedding night NOT HAVING SEX! I have handled this really well for the last 3 years but only in the last month I am starting to lose the plot!. My gyno has now said he has done all he can do and has refered me to a pain management specialist. I just want to make love to my man as husband and wife. We would like to have children in the next few years but that seems so far away at the moment. I just want to say how glad I am to have found this site and hear the stories of all you guys. Although I would not wish this upon anyone it's good to know I'm not alone. I haven't told anyone of my condition because I am not only embarrassed but also ashamed that my man will be embarrassed too. He assure me he would never feel that way but your head tells you funny things I guess.

My heart goes out to all those women suffering this piece of crap condition (as you can see I'm in my angry stage tonight) and I hope that relief is in sight FOR ALL OF US!!