thanks girls.
I do that light thing regularly mainly around Spock. I do it when im feeding her to sleep at night. I find visualisation helps with the DMER.
I would love to give him another chance. he got me off guard and having never met him before and being in her room I was defensive.
it could be one of dh's uncles..but when I described him ti dh he didnt say he knew him.
ill try and be open and make him aware I am aproachable to try again if he wants.