Hi ladies - went for my first u/s last wednesday and the ob. said he could see a sac but wasn't perpared to say he could see a baby and sent me down to the hospital to have a trans vaginal ultrasound (i am a big girl and they see better on these apparently). Horrendous heading down there and waiting fearing what was going to be confirmed....a sac but no baby - i was 9wk3days and the sac only measures 6wks4days.....
Then they tell me to head back to ob to chat, I walk in to his office and the chick on the desk sticks another medicare form under my nose to sign - i said "You're going to make me pay again??" in disbelief....what i wanted to do was scream "i've just been told my baby is dead and coming back to talk about what we do now and you are after more money???!!!!"" Luckily i contained myself and i know on reflection as a professional he has a right to charge for further consultation and the girl on the desk didn't even realise but OMG it seemed SOOO insensitive at the time!!!!
OB.tells me that the baby never developed properly and i asked was this a blighted ovum? He said "yes, but we just call it a miscarriage these days, we don't use that term anymore" which was nice of him. I have also read the term anembryonic pregnancy used. Anyway he explains they dont/cant technically call it unless the sac is 20mm with nothing in it and mine is only 19mm so he suggests we wait another week and do another ultrasound which we decided to do and now the wait is really messing with my head. I am not holding out any hope, there is no doubt there is no baby and he told us not to have hope. He said he would do the d and c the day of the ultrasound.
If i was 6-7 weeks and they couldnt see anything fine, but i was 9.5 wks and the sac only measuring 6.5 wks and nothing there and NO chance i got dates wrong as this was a very planned pregnancy.......so the whole thing is just so sad.......i am being a total cow to DH, i am all over the shop emotionally. I cant believe my DH cried when we gave up our two dogs a couple of months back and didnt cry for our baby and THEN last night he did it again and cried at a TV SHOW -AAAAGH!!!
Why cant he cry for our baby???????????????
Also of course dealing with all the well meaning people and their comments - "Oh ok, so there NEVER WAS a baby?" Well yes, actualy there was even if briefly and to me there was emotionally anyway and thats all that matters!! For 5 weeks i believed i was pregnant only to lie there excitedly waiting to see a heart beat only to see NOTHING!!!
And just to cap the day off they send me home with the happy family ultrasound snaps of a nice empty sac..........how freaking depressing!!! Ooooops....sorry...i think i am in the angry phase!!!!!
Big hugs to all and sorry for your losses also....
im so so so sorry for this to have happened, i really dont know what to say as my words arnt going to bring your baby back so instead please accept these
p.s - your DH is more then likely grieving but in his own way all males do things differently
Sorry for the loss of your baby hun, something like that should have never happened to you. You are allowed to be angry, sad, hurt, hysterical, and even grumpy - thats the way we deal with things.
Your hubby on the other hand is probably letting his emotions out in other ways. When we lost our baby, it wasn't until over two years later that hubby burst into tears driving along the freeway. He could smell the moisturiser I was wearing when we had our first scan... random but thats what triggered him.
Either way I am sending all my love x
So sorry to hear of your loss. I know how you are feeling my first pregnancy I went for my first scan at 13 weeks only to be told that the baby had stopped growing arund 10 weeks. I unfortunately had gone alone as DH was working and we thought all was fine as that was what Dr had said (he didn't even recommed the scan) Anyway had a 1.5 hour drive home alone crying my eyes out for my baby that wasn't (plus we had only just told DH family the day before as Dr had said all was ok).
I hear you on the insensitive comments. The things people think they have a right to say are just horrible and I won't repeat them as they don't help anyone. I do think your DH is grieving in his own way. I know my DH didn't show a lot of emotion but I think he thought he had to stay strong for me.
Take care of yourself, good luck with the D&C and for when you start your TTC journey again.
I'm so sorry to hear this hun, I've been in the same situation you're in now and all I can say is don't worry about anything else, how you are acting etc, just allow yourself to grieve in the way that is natural for you.
No words can take the pain away and ppl won't always understand unless they have themselves experienced it.
I'm thinking of you at this hard hard time xo
Thanks so much ladies for your hugs and words of comfort, support and understanding.
I have had several friends have miscarriages in the past - i always thought i could imagine how they felt and now i know i had no idea!! I also have found myslef racking my brains about what i said to them at the time and if anything was hurtful, stupid or inappropriate and i didn't realise!! For that exact reason though i am dealing ok with people saying stuff i dont want to hear if it is said out of love and an awkward attempt to console me - yes, we wish they knew better but they simply dont so am trying hard not to be annoyed at them.
Have found gently and honestly redirecting conversation works best. e.g spoke to a friend the day after the news and she was doing the whole "look on the bright side" speech - that i already have one kid so at least i know i can have a healthy one, when i do try to conceive i seem to do so quickly, at least it wasnt later on in the pregnancy which would have been soooo much harder etc...etc... AAAGH!!! As it happens (and i wouldnt want to hurt anyones feelings who are different to my own here...) but for me personally i actually agree with everything she said - yes these are valid points for me to consider and maybe help get some perspective on things when i am ready but as i said to her "mate, i appreciate your effort to cheer me up, really i do, but today is NOT the day to look on the bright side. Today is the day to cry and scream and feel depressed and angry and dwell on how f%^&$d up the whole world is and how unfair it is!! She said fair enough sorry and we moved on - rather than me dwelling for the next few years on how insensitive she was like i have had another friend do in a similar situation i just told her there and then to quit it!!! Was v.proud of myself as i would not normally do this!!!
Anyways mainly wanted to say hi and thanks so much for the support. You are all right about the DH, it is just his way of dealing with it - i do know he feels it i just had to get my head around him showing it differently. He has actually been amazing, taking our little girl out for a couple of hours when i need a break, understanding when i want them both close, holding me in the middle of the night, feeding me all my favourite foods, giving me lots of cuddles - i have actually felt very supported in him comforting me, it was more to do with his personal reaction being so different to mine......
Have to have ultrasound tomorrow, most likely followed by d and c- just need it over with now, am feeling a bit sick about it all, keep checking every time i go to toilet, hoping i can hang on till tomorrow and nothing happen till then.....i cant imagine the sadness and fear those of you went through who started losing bubs at home, i know every experience is terrible in its own way but i have not had to deal with this ....wow, women are b.amazingly strong creatures really - we should give ourselves more credit -even making the choice to intelligently and proactively seek support on a sitel ike this should absolutely be seen as a sign of strength as we are making a conscious choice to manage our mental health - yay for us - hugs to everyone!!!!!!
So sorry to hear you are going through this. Just a thought but perhaps your DH is putting on a brave front for you? You know trying to be strong so you can lean on him and don't feel like you have to handle his feelings as well as yours? My DF was exactly like this when I mc'd. He took over control of everything and I hardly saw him while I was home recovering coz he was sooo busy making sure everything was taken care of for me. Friends hubby was exactly the same when she mc'd too. Hope you are doing as well as can be expected dahl. Hugs from me.
i had the same thing with my first loss. I saw OB then up the road for the US then back to OB and yes they wanted my efpos card!! I just was speachless and asked if i could deal with this another time....they never sent that bill!
Then when i had my ectopic at my OB check up (a different OB) he gave me an envelope of the photos from my surgery! Far out, what exactly do i do with those?? Show them at family slide nights, Oh look theres my baby that my body killed by putting it in the wrong spot??
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1st ultrasound- no baby...
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