Hey Tootie,

Thanks for the whole finger crossing thing!!!

I had a talk to Rowan last night about all this. We had talked about it the night before but anyway. So he just says that firstly i need to take ALL of my behaviour into account - not just the thing that i know i am not doing too well at, he said that i also need to think about the things that i am doing well with - like going to the movies and keeping the house running well with dinners etc. He says that i have been through such a lot of trauma in the last couple of months and i kind of need to give myself a break. I guess after people started saying i was depressed i got even more down on myself.

Also i was listening to Katelyn's song last night (the one that we played at her funeral) and i was crying and my mobile rang. It was one of Rowan's mates and i was able to switch off from Katelyn and talk to him pretty well. So i guess that is a good sign. Im more than happy to talk to people if they ring me its just hard to pick up the phone.

So i am feeling alot happier today. I know in my heart that i am going to get through this and be alright. I just have to work on a few things more thats all. Sounds very positive (well i hope it does because thats how i feel today).

Rowan also told me that i shouldnt rule out this cycle for a new baby because i dont really know what is going on. It could have been last cycle that was stuffed and this one could be normal......who knows all i can do is keep bd'ing and wait and see!!

Hope you are doing well and not getting too uncomfortable. Not long for you now!

Love Sarah