Just wanted to say that we went to a memorial organised by the chaplain at the hospital for Katelyn on Saturday.

It was for all the families that had had someone pass away around the time that Katelyn was born.

It was very emotional for both Rowan and I, especially when they read out her name and we had to go up and collect some rosemary, lavender and tea tree that they had bundled together with Katelyn's name on it.

Even though it was really hard i also feel that it was quite healing to go and express the loss that we feel in a formal manner.

I really think that it was quite good timing because Katelyn's due date is coming up really soon and i have been feeling very upset about her all the time. I am always upset about her but i am finding this time particularly hard.

Afterwards they put on a light lunch upstairs and we got to talk to a fair amount of people, which was good because they understood more than some of our friends what we are going through losing Katelyn.

We also spoke to another young couple who had lost their baby ashleigh at 21 weeks a few months after we had lost Katelyn. The circumstances are quite similar which was a bit scary but they didnt find any results with their tests whereas we found out about the FVL clotting disorder.

What really shook me up though was that even though they have 2 daughters this was the second baby that they had lost under these circumstances. Late last year they lost a son at 19 weeks.

Rowan and i were talking about our new baby on the way over to the hospital and how we thought that it just couldnt happen again we couldnt be that unlucky. And then we were smacked in the face by living proof that it can happen twice. I know that i am on the Clexane to stop the over clotting (which they were not) but i am still absoutely packing myself at the thought that this could happen again. One positive i suppose is that they have the same OB as us so he had experience with this type of thing although i guess it proves that he cant stop it.

Right so i am trying to think of the positives at the moment but it is pretty hard.

Love Sarah