My baby would have been born this week

[ZeeBee]

Hi there, I'm new to this site so forgive me for not using all the acronyms that I have seen in other posts! I'm sure i'll pick them up eventually.

I miscarried at 12 weeks back in July of 2009 and our due date was Australia day (just gone). Although in hindsight I know that I have suffered from the loss I feel I had been coping better over the last few months. The impending DD was always hovering in the back of my mind, however, but I had no idea I would feel the way I do right now! I am stricken. I have had one other miscarriage, though when that baby was due I was six months pregnant with my boy so the pain was somewhat softened. This time I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach with a steel capped boot and am wondering how long I am going to feel like this.

I think that my SIL being pregnant may have something to do with my heightened anxiety. She is due in March and I have struggled to deal with her being pregnant for most of the last 6 months. I feel like a cow. I am really trying to be happy for her but I feel so torn up with jealousy at the moment. Perhaps when the baby comes i will feel better...maybe it's all the anticipation that is the problem. My partner's family have avoided the subject of my MC which has been very painful. I think that people's lack of acknowledgment for the baby, the life that was lost, sucks. My mum died when I was two and my mother-in-law is distant and avoids "emotional" topics. You ladies are now copping it in lieu of an adequate maternal figure!

I have just blurted out what is going through my head, I'm sorry for how disjointed it must sound...

Any words would be truly appreciated.