Susan - I don't know if you have the room - you could plant something in Brendans memory and every year add something around it. Niki's actual memorial plant is a newish species of magnolia called "Vulcan" it has hot pink flowers but is a slow growing tree.
Its funny hpow disappointing the lack of support can be especially from those you are closest too. I think I would forever hold a grudge, kinda do towards mum but thats a whole other story.
I would also take the feathers as a sign you have been visited and think thats very special.
I have very strong dreams occasionally and thats when Niki visits

Beata - I am sure your partner Alan will be understanding if you don't feel up to such an effort this year - maybe he doesn't want to either?


lots of love to all x x x