My MiL just called and completely ****ed me off! My SiL (her daughter who I am great friends with) obviously called to tell them about the loss of JellyBean and my DnC. My DH was supposed to call but he was being slack so I asked my SiL.
So, to get to the point, I answer and she says "Sorry to hear about your...operation...but it was for the best" Are you ****ing serious??? I said,"no not for the best but very unfortunate" - she couldn't even say "miscarriage" or mention the word baby. MY baby DIED - it wasn't "for the best" yes, something went wrong, whether with the baby or my body but it was devestating. She then proceeded to tell me that she lost a baby between her first and second "but she wasn't all that upset" well GOOD FOR HER!
I generally really like my MiL but she has seriously upset me tonight - it is usually only her comments about my weight that are inappropriate!
Thanks for reading - I'm going back to eat the rest of my "party bucket" of malteasers
I am sorry that your MIL seems to think that the passing of your precious little baby was 'for the best' just because she 'wasn't all that upset' about her loss doens't mean others dont feel 'all that upset'. Sending loads of big 's to you darl.
Sorry to hear about the loss of JellyBean. I think its a generation thing to be honest. I am sure she didn't mean to upset you but their generation in a lot of cases just don't talk about it and those who lost a baby seem to have been made to feel like they couldn't get emotional about it so they don't understand why we do. I totally understand why you are upset I am not defending her of course - but just sharing my thoughts on why she acted like that. My friends mum was the same when she lost a baby and so she confronted her mum and her mum felt terrible but explained it like I have said.
Big CF. My own mother said a similar thing to me after my 1st M/C and it cut me sooooo deep and so did many of her comments after my subsequent losses. It makes me very sad that you have had your MIL say that to you. More big for you.
so very sorry to hear how unhelpful your MIL was ...
I think some people just don't know what to say, and they open their mouths, and make everything worse ... feet and mouths and all that!
Nevertheless I an enomously sorry for your loss. The very little I have seen from your posts in this and other threads demonstrates how much you love (not loved, but love) your jelly bean, and what a wonderful mother you are, and will be in the future.
Your jellybean will never be forgotten, and while they are not with you now, I believe you will be reunited one day, and they will know you, and know your love, and be so comforted and excited to meet you and their dad and siblings one day.
And maybe deep inside, your MIL knows these things too, but doesn't know how to express them ... I only found out about my grandma's troubles with birth and post birth issues when she was high as a kite and half dead from alzheimers, and the inhibitions and barriers were all gone, and she just talked to me one day about it all ... I guess we never know what's inside someone ...
or maybe your MIL really doesn't understand ... and if that's the case, I that her ongoing relationship with you will be a wonderful education and she will come to understand more about the relationship we can have with your babies, even before we've met, and your MIL will be so much better for that knowledge ...
You're so brave and strong ... GL for the next few weeks ... and I hope that there's plenty of people around you to support you at this terrible time.
so sorry for MIL stupid comments ! My MIL said something similar, " atleast you did end up with a retard" "your body was just fixing a mistake... Oh not in the baby, genetics!....) and step MIL the worst....... when she asked me how I was feeling.....
I absent mindedly said " like I'm dying" to which the evil ***** replied " you are not the one Who is dying !!!! "
hope you have lots of support from your hubby as you go through this
im soooo sorry for ur loss hun, and i can understand ur anger n disappointment in ur mil comments i think she just doesnt know how to comfort u and maybe thinks that saying about hers use have something in common, so sad though, i hope u dont let things like this get u down u have been through enuf really.....
and all the pp's i am shocked at some comments u have recieved especially about the one of "ur not the only one dying" that is just ridiculous u obviously have alot more patience than me cus i would of smashed the s**t out of her sorry for all ur losses
I'm so sorry CF.... this might be the first of many vents.
I really hated it when people couldn't (and can't!) say miscarriage, or refer to the baby. Even DH really really struggled with it. The way to stop it is to be the first one to say it, then people tend to open up more.
As for "wasn't all that upset" well that's just a lie, or a bad memory. I'll bet that she was, but it's so long ago that she's managed to deal with the hurt. Finally.
Registered User
Seriously??? *VENT*
I am so sorry to hear of your loss darl
that her ongoing relationship with you will be a wonderful education and she will come to understand more about the relationship we can have with your babies, even before we've met, and your MIL will be so much better for that knowledge ...
Try not to let her comments get you down further xxx
im soooo sorry for ur loss hun, and i can understand ur anger n disappointment in ur mil comments i think she just doesnt know how to comfort u and maybe thinks that saying about hers use have something in common, so sad though, i hope u dont let things like this get u down u have been through enuf really.....
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